[hellonasty]

I'm in week 6 or 7 of my breakup and I pretty much still feel like garbage. After being with someone for almost a decade- I know it's going to take some serious time before I'm myself again.

So, my question to you all, how long did it take before you felt like yourself again and could hold your head high?

[ANB428]

I was with my daughter's father for 2 years and it took me about two years to completely get over him. Every person is different though. It took me so long because I was forced to leave him and the situation I was in sucked. He was the only one who had ever really been there for me and then one day he was gone. I am finally happy now with my boyfriend of over a year now. It will take some time, but hang in there.

[JBeaucaire]

I don't believe in formulaic answers to questions like yours. I think you'll feel it as long as you need to. You might want to adjust your expectations about "getting over it", though.

I've been married 23 years but can still vividly remember my feelings for my first 3 loves. Each was different. Each was part of my growth process leading me to where I am today.

I didn't need to get over it then, and don't now. So, maybe you don't need to either, at least not the way you've been thinking.

Instead of trying to get over him, why not just put as much energy into getting on with today. Your memories will accompany always. They should be helpful, once you let them be a source of reference instead of a source of misery.

[brkfstatiffs]

I've never been in a relationship that long, so I'm sure yours might take longer than average. But personally I think it's a different case for everything. It depends how it went down, who broke up with who etc. With my ex of three years, it took close to a year to REALLY be done with and move on and also realize by dating new men in the meantime, that I deserve so much better and there are others out there that will fulfill that. But with the last guy I dated short only 5 months, he broke my heart harder then my ex who I lived with - go figure. It's been three months and while I've moved on, certain night I definitely still have a hard time with it. Only because I somewhat fear opening up to the next guy I meet so soon. So for you I would guess it will take you at least 6 months. You guys went through a lot together and shared a lot. Stay strong, go out with the gals, take a vacation far away do everything to focus on you and feeling fabulous. I would even date casually, that helped me because it made me realize that yes, there are tons of men in the world, even if I don't click with them, it helped me to get out of that bubble. I also read The Secret, it helped me a great deal to move on in life in general. And watched a lot of sex and the city!

[brkfstatiffs]

P.s. - Holding your head high, is all part of how you want to manifest your future. You can chose to be sad all the time or take actions to move on and hold your head high. Instead of focusing on the breakup or blaming yourself looking back, just try to realize (although its difficult) that everything in life is meant to be and F_CK HIM it's his loss. One day he will realize that. Start by holding your head high, today. Don't look back anymore - push frwrd.

[hellonasty]

For me, I'm getting past the not being together part. Some things went down (I believe she met someone else a few days after we split and I was still on the couch) and that, for me, is hardest to get past. The sneaking around and lies to my face are frustrating and difficult to come to terms with.

[Jiser]

I was over her after about a year or so. Now I am trying to move on from other events...

[jjwoodhull]

There are some people you never get over. That does not mean that you can not move forward and be happy. Now is the time to hold your head high. Good luck!

[411Help]

It took me about 2 whole months. It's a grueling situation that you may never get over. It does get easier.

[NorthernNiceGuy]

Well I don't think there is any set time frame, but its going to take months... I just got to the 5 month mark after a 4 year relationship. I feel really good right now but am still definitely not 100% over it. But I am back to my old self. It's going to take you awhile but I know when I was at your stage I liked hearing how long it took other people too, and for me how long it took the majority was about right for me also.

All the best my friend. You'll get there I promise, there is a light at the end of the tunnel!

[friend4u178]

I don't think there is any set time as we all handle adversity differently. However I can tell you I see so many people on here that get stuck with false hope and thinking of ways to get their Ex back which just prolongs the process.

Once you let go the healing process starts.

[heartbrokenguy]

It's taken 9 months for me so far after an 11 year relationship and I am still struggling. We all individuals are different so unfortunately there is no set time.

[talaniman]

Your recovery time is based on how proactive you are moving forward, and rebuilding a life that you enjoy. It's a process, not a race. There are no deadlines, so there is no hurry.

[brokenhearted1515]

I was with my #1... for 7 years. Took about a month to meet #2 and get over #1. Not much pain at all. Was with #2... offically for 6 months. But he came in and out of my life regularly. So techincally we have been broken up for 6 months. But we have only been NC (this time) for a week maybe. I know its over, I know we can never be togther again. But I still think about him all the time, before bed, when I wake up. I don't think I will ever love anyone the way that I love him. And I have other men in my life. But I can tell you I am happy, I make the best of each day, and don't let him control my emotions anymore, I have my control back. And I hold my head very high now.

Its going to take time, how much, who knows, its different for each person and each situation. Just do whatever you can to stay busy and try anything not to think about it. You will go through the cycles of a breakup. Sometimes three or four times over again until you are at the acceptance stage. But NC helps a lot. And the more you break it, the more time you will spend in pain, trust me, if I had just gone NC and stayed that way I am positive I would have felt the way I fell now much earlier. But I needed to do what I had to to get where I am today. And you will do the same. I know you think now, life cannot go on. It does, and it will, don't let it pass you by. I remember the pain like it was yesterday, I never thought I would get through that breakup alive. I can't say I am totally over him, but the light at the end of the tunnel as never looked so bright. Good Luck.

[brkfstatiffs]

for me, i'm getting past the not being together part. Some things went down (i believe she met someone else a few days after we split and i was still on the couch) and that, for me, is hardest to get past. The sneaking around and lies to my face are frustrating and difficult to come to terms with.

You should take a vacation with some of your friends, that helps get out of your every day world, relax, and remember again what life is all about - living and having fun and experience new places, people, and things. Good luck!