[clhend]

The bible teaches that we shouldn't be with a non-believer. That is for you to decide what to do with. You know what the bible teaches but you can decide how strictly to "abide" by that...

The only response I can make to this is: this is the same argument that the serpent used with Eve in the Garden. "Sure God said that you'll die if you eat of the Tree, but He didn't really mean that."

If the Bible is God's Word, then we either live by it or we don't. And if we choose NOT to live by the Word, then why be followers of Jesus Christ?

No one can tell you what you should do about that. As long as he doesn't stop you from worshiping and doesn't condemn you for doing so then I think it is ok but be aware of the compications that will inevitably arise.

When you get married you just naturally want to please your mate. An unbelieving spouse may not stop you from worshipping, but all too often, plans will be made or arguments initiated that ultimately interfer with the believing spouses freedom to attend church or to concentrate on the service.

There are just too many situations that arise in a marriage that require a commitment of faith to believing that God has everything under control. The Bible says "where two agree as touching any one thing...". An unbelieving spouse will never be able to "agree" when it comes to a matter of faith. Thus when problems arise such as a sick child, financial difficulty, major decisions there is no agreement in prayer.

The bible does not tell you not to drink...it does say not to get drunk but I feel that when you are reading the entire context of that part it is not saying that getting drunk one friday night is sinful but rather giving into alcoholism is sinful.

The problem with getting drunk on Friday night is that when inhibitions are loosened by liquor bad, BAD decisions often result. Very seldom does a young adult stay at home and guietly get drunk. Instead they go to places where drinking and drunkenness is promoted.

A Christian who is serious about her relationship with Jesus Christ should NEVER find herself in bars. I speak from experience. I can tell you that the "friends" that you make in a bar, are only your friends as long as you are going to the bar. When you stop going to the bar and getting drunk on Friday nights you are no longer friends.

Getting drunk in that atmosphere too often results in sexual sin. Those places are really just watering holes where the predator and prey gather to drink. The unwitting "good Christian girl" is seen as a challenge. She will be pursued, flattered and deceived all in an attempt to seduce her. Getting drunk on Friday night will result in decisions that, in this day and age, could result in the loss of her life.

The Bible says we have to be either hot or cold. If we're going to be lukewarm, God Himself will SPIT us out! Compromise is a deceptive trick promoted by the Father of Lies, Satan himself. God is a Holy God and will not accept compromise. Sadly that's one of the problems with the Church today. We've compromised with the World to the point that there's really no difference between the sinner and the "saint".

[arcura]

kraussnumber2,
That is some good well thot out advice.
Peace and kindness,
Fred

[kraussnumber2]

Thanks Fred!

In response to clhend I definitely do not disagree with your "challenges" on my points. I feel your points are also ultra conservative. There is nothing wrong with that but I feel she already knows all this as this is how she was raised. The bible also teaches that we shouldn't have tattoos or eat certain animals that almost all of us eat. It also teaches that women are unclean while on their cycle and that certain measure are to be taken to cleanse themselves afterwards and their husbands shouldn't even touch their wife while she is on her cycle. I wonder if you adhere to these rules clhend? Im not trying to start a debate or anger anyone... Im just trying to prove the point that no one lives strictly within the laws of the bible and that does not make them bad. Truth is we are all sinners, we all fall short, and we all deserve to die but through the grace of God we are forgiven. This is the way I was taught. It is not fair to expect some to be perfect.
On the issue of drinking... you do not have to go to a bar... by yourself and get trashed to drink on a Friday night. You can go over to a friends house that is having a party. Or you can go to a bar with friends... you don't have to go alone and make friends. You should go with trusted friends and your boyfriend and that way you will be safe. And probably more like a club where you can dance and just have fun... I personnally don't see a point in going and sitting at a bar drinking by yourself to make friends. I would agree that most people that you make friends with at a bar aren't going to be the best friends... that is why you should go with your current friends who you trust to stay safe. And that way they will still be your friends even if you aren't going to bars anymore.
I agree with clhend that it will cause problems in the long run with having a partner who doesn't share your views on religion. I stated that in my first post. I however feel that even with couples who do believe the same things still have these issues. One partner will always be a stronger Christian then the other and one will always want to fix things themselves as opposed to looking to God for help. But I would definitely encourage your boyfriend to go with you to church and other activities so that he can hopefully find his faith. Don't make him an ultimatum... it can never be "become a Christian or lose me" this won't work. Even if he says OK I believe in God and I am a Christian it doesn't change anything unless he really means it. You need to make a decision to yourself that if you feel you can't be with a nonbeliever that you will "secretly" give him a set amount of time to figure it all out or you will break it off. And then in the time express to him how important it is to you and continueally invite him to come along. Hopefully he will find his faith. And seeing you be "on fire" will really encourage him to want to feel the same way.
I guess my take on religion is a little less conservative. I feel you should read the bible and decide what you think it is saying. Not to the extent of thinking the bible is saying to go out and kill all americans as some people "read" it but just in the sense that you know what is right and wrong and you know that you are to ultimately do good as opposed to wrong. Read it and listen to what God is telling you. God will put it on your heart that something is good or bad. If you feel a guilt about certain things then you can assume that God is telling you that it is wrong. Or is you are apprehensive about doing something you probably shouldn't be doing it. And again it would be a good idea to talk to someone at your church that can help you decipher what your church teaches and how they feel about all the issues you have spoken about. And if all else fails just pray about it. God will lead you right!

[tadita83]

Just to settle this so neither of you will feel likeyou are leading me astray. I wouldn't go out and get drunk, I'm saying having a drink that you enjoy not for getting drunk from it, but you enjoy drinking it, it tastes good.

I think both of you (clhend and kraussnumber2) have given me wonderful advice and I can tell that you feel very strongly about it. I don't want this to end in an argument or bad feelings.

I do want to give you an update:

I have started slowly getting back into reading my Bible and enjoying it. Mostly because of the issues with my boyfriend. I feel like I need to cling to the only steady thing in my life and my boyfriend is not it. I feel like we've been drifting away for some unexplained reason. All those fears about him leaving me, I don't think they were unwarranted, except now its leaning more towards me leaving him. He rarely calls me, we rarely hang out and when I confront him about it he gets mad (although he says he's not mad he is) and basically says that I am asking too much. Where it stands now. I haven't talked to him in 4 days straight and I have decided that I'm going to see just how much he does care about me. If he cares then he'll miss me, if he misses me, he'll call. If not then I guess we aren't supposed to be together.

Anyway because of this trial, I have HAD to lean on God to get me through it. Every time I feel the urge to give in and call him, or when I start feeling down. I turn up my music and start singing. I used to sing all the time in church, and nothing filled me with the spirit more than when I would sing. I've finally found that spirit again and I'm loving it. I'm still sad and a bit depressed about what's going on with my boyfriend. I love him, and I miss him, but because of God I can survive. It's not going to be easy or fun, but I will survive. And this time (unlike the last break up) I'm not going to blame God and run and hide. I realize now that I need to do the opposite. I need to cling to Him because he will get me through it unharmed.

[kraussnumber2]

Glad to hear that you are finding your way! There is a saying that I like that I think you will appreciate...
A woman should be so lost in God that a man will have to seek Him to find her!
Hope things work out for you in whatever way they need to work out.

[clhend]

...A woman should be so lost in God that a man will have to seek Him to find her!

Love that answer!

No fight, no upset. I'm glad you are seeking the Lord.

I'm sure I came across as uncompromising, but that's only because I compromised. How different my life would have been if I'd done like you are doing and cling to the Lord in the midst of heartbreak.

Remember: Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and ALL these things (including love) will be added to your life.

God bless

[arcura]

tadita83,
Thanks much for the update.
I think you are on the right track.
O understand about your singing.
St. John of the Cross (I think it was) said, "When one sings in worship one prays twice." or words to the effect.
Peace and kindness,
Fred

[gromitt82]

If even one person learns from what I've gone through, then it was worth it. If one young woman realizes that this life here is less than a blip on the radar of time, yet eternity will be...just that: forever.

If she realizes that only by being absolutely focused on Jesus Christ will she ever have true happiness, then sharing my story is worth it.

Then when the Lord brings a mate into her life, that that union will be blessed of God. That doesn't mean they won't have problems, we live in a sinful world. But if they make the Lord the center of their relationship, then it won't end in divorce. There won't be mistreatment. Each will fulfill his or her role in the relationship.

You have just hit the basic condition. To make the Good Lord the Center of our life, the center of any relationship of any married couple. My wife and I have survived throughout 58 years of marriage and 5 of courtship (the old way) "through fair and stormy weather", as the song goes. We have been through Hurricanes and Tsunamis of all types, mostly fault of mine! But we are still in love and we hope to reach in 2010 our diamond wedding, if we are still here.
And every day I'm more convinced that, somehow, this has been possible because from the very beginning we tried to put God in the center of our lives.
So it was God who gave her the necessary strength to overcome my many failures and impertinences and it was God we also gave me strength to resolve my faulty behaviour when needed!
And with God's help we have managed to grow a wonderful family, which right now, already numbers 20!!

[arcura]

gromitt82,
Good for you!
Peace and kindness,
Fred

[gromitt82]

gromitt82,
Good for you!
Peace and kindness,
Fred

Thanks a lot!

[arcura]

gromitt82,
My pleasure.
God bless you much.
Fred

[N0help4u]

The main problem I see with being with someone that is not a Christian is are they holding you back from what you feel God wants you to do? Are they dragging you down in your faith?
Are they doing things that in your spirit you have a negative feeling about?
God forgives and God sees and knows your heart. Actually I believe that the Christian that 'screws up' has valuable lessons and an understanding that many more pious Church goers have.
Really read the story of the prodigal son.

[arcura]

N0help4u,
That is good advice,
Fred

[splittin]

Speaking as a child who was also raised in the church...
I, too was raised in the church. At my late teens, I stopped going. I was gung ho for christ much the same way you were. But I stopped. I backslid for quite some time. In the process, I got married. Different story. Anyway. I know that if you were raised in the church, that the seed of God remains in you. That was planted at an early age. Now, at this age, it's no longer what you do, but why you do it. One good example.
I had a friend who received Jesus as her Lord and Savior. She had piercings everywhere and the church told her to take them all out; that she did not look moderate like a woman of God should. She asked me what I thought. I told her not to take them out. BECAUSE the same God who saved her could teach her how to dress. If the piercings did not offend her, then neither could I! I advised her to pray and seek God for his will for her life. And listen when he speaks to her spirit.

No one has room to judge you. In fact no one knows why you are going through what you're going through. I do know that this experience will be a testimony one day to someone who will need to hear of God redeeming power. Maybe you should evaluate your life. Not what you're doing, but why. Why do we love God? Because he first loved us. That's scripture. If you want to return to Jesus and renew the relationship, he's certainly not going to turn you away. Just have the right reason for serving him, so that when all else fails, your relationship with Jesus won't.

[arcura]

splittin
Good advice.
Fred

[uvware]

I was raised the same way, very strict Christian upbringing and I struggled for many years leaving the church, coming back to the church, trying new churches, new demoniations. Over time I've come understand the different church beliefs but have tried to narrow down the important ones into my life and drinking is not one of them. We are here on this earth to love, share and experience God's wonderful unconditional love.

I was in your shoes in terms of relationships with someone who was not a believer. What I think got me through all those relationships and eventually lead to finding my husand (who is Christian) is that I always prayed to God that His Will Be Done in my Life. Sometimes, especially with relationships we don't want to hear what God might be telling us whether it's our conscious telling us, circumstances changine, etc... but I believe deep down inside you have an idea of what you should do.

There is a reason why you are questioning your relationship. I personally believe that you should not be with someone who is not a believer. It's hard enough being in a marriage and having a man that has your same faith makes the world of difference. You want a man that looks to God for his guidance and not the world. He will also understand God's grace and unconditional love in a way that non-believers are unable to understand and share.

The bible does talk about being unevenly yoke. Maybe there are some books out there of women's relationships with non-believers and that they went through.

So what I say is pray and make the tough choices when you feel at peace about where God is guiding you. I try to never make decisions until I have the peace of God.

Pray for God's Will in your Life and He will open and close the doors that need to be. He will also not give us anything that we can't handle, so if you do end up breaking up He will be there through the pain and through the healing. Remember, God wants to give us our hearts desire and many times we are the ones blocking it. His heart is to give you the man of your dreams, for you to be loved and cherished until your last day.

I hope this helps.

[margar]

First of all: when we first become born again christians, it is so new to us. We feel so good and strive to do all we can for the Lord. This isn't unusual. We are baby christians feeding on the milk. After we mature, we have to get to the meat and potatoes so to speak. This takes diligence. We never walk everyday without making mistakes and we cannot settle up any accounts. The key is to ask God/Jesus to forgive us and when we do His word says He remembers it no more, it is cast into the deepest sea and put as far away as the east is to the west. His mercies are new every morning. If we keep going back and asking forgiveness for the same thing, He doesn't remember it. Jesus completed our salvation on the cross, but don't leave Him there. He now sits on the right hand of God making intersession for us. Sometimes, churches make man made laws to live by, I don't believe this is Gods intention. Live by His laws under grace. Try to do your best that is all He asks. As far as your boyfriend, only you can make that decision. Remember, first and foremost, God will send to you the right person to create two perfect halves. Sometimes, totally and complete opposites. Each to complete the other. My husband and I started pretty rocky. Neither of us were saved. His family did attend church, mine did not. He insisted that we would go to church. I got saved first and then he did. Looking back I can see the hand of God at work. That is what it will be like when you find the right person. You will look back and see what God has done.

[arcura]

uvware,
Wonderful advice you gave.
Thanks for sharing your story.
I'm happy that things worked out well for you.
Peace and kindness,
Fred (arcura)

[tadita83]

Thank you all for your advice! I just wanted to update you on the situation. I have since broken up with this guy. He did not treat me the way I felt I should be treated and I think a lot of that has to do with him not being a Christian. The bible says that husbands (although he was not my husband, but even still the guy in the relationship) should love their wives as Christ loves the church. So I guess it was insane of me to expect him to love me in that way when he did not understand the love of God.

I'm still a little heart broken about the whole thing for several reasons. ONe the obvious, I loved this man, and still do even though I'm the one who did the dumping. Two, I feel like I have failed him. I didn't do enough to share the love of God with him. Now I feel like his soul is on my conscience. I had the opportunity and I didn't take it. So all of you out there that have been giving advice and praying for me, please pray for him because he needs to know Christ. I just wish that he could know what real love is. I tried to show him unconditional love, but my love pales in comparison to the love of God of which he has never known. So please everyone, pray for him. Only God can reach him!

[arcura]

tadita83,
I THINK that you did the right thing.
I can understand that you still love him, but it is not your fault that he is not a Christian.
You still can put the Holy Spirit to work to help him eve tually see the ligh of Christianity via praying for him a lot.
If fact that is a great way for you to express that love of the guy, though God's love.
Much good luck and a prayer for a full loving life in the near future,
Peace and kindness,
Fred