[davina4822]

I have an elderly (80) cousin living alone in Florida. Her condo concierge and a neighbor have called to tell me that my cousin is not bathing (she smells so bad people won't ride in the elevator with her), is not cleaning her apartment, talks incessantly but not in a conversational manner (it's all one-sided). Her doctor has told her she needs an anti-depressant but she refuses. She is spending money frivolously.

My sister and I have to go down to see her, but I am hoping someone can give us some pointers about how to broach this matter with her. She gets angry, or changes the subject when we try. She is not mentally incompetent, and, while she is physically failing (she is 80!) she is still able to walk, drive, etc. so a nursing home is not the solution.
She won't reveal the name of her doctor so we can't get help from that quarter. I am thinking about snooping through her stuff when I visit to get the MD's name. We don't have the money to pay for a caregiver, and at this point there is no way she will pay.

Are there good services in Florida? Has anyone faced this and what was the outcome?

[wildandblue]

Any doctor can give her a medical evaluation, even the emergency room. Often elderly people have drug interactions or a poor diet or dehydration that can look like more serious trouble.

[Fr_Chuck]

Actually just being able to drive and feed thierself and so on is not always a sign they can take care of thierself.
The issues here is she is not, she is not bathing, she is not taking care of her money and so on, These are signs she may need a guardian or someone to watch over her closely.

So you either have to be more aggressive with her and find her doctor and get her into some care facility that will follow up on bathing, eating and so on.

[tickle]

From a senior healthcare provider's viewpoint on your description of your relative I would say there is a possibility that intervention may have to be put in place if you want to put your mind at rest once you are back home.

I agree with fr chuck that just because she can still drive doesn't mean she is capable of other activities of daily living such as eating, hygiene, etc.

I suggest you follow up with the address and phone number below to seek guidance on this situation:

Agency for Health Care Administration
2727 Mahan Dr Bldg. 1
Tallahassee, FL 32308-5403
(850) 414-6010
1-888-419-3456
MyFlorida.com - Agency for Health Care Administration

State Commission on Aging
Elderaffairs.state.fl.us

In particular the State Commission on Aging may be able to tell you how you will have your cousin assessed without the benefit of her own doctor should you not be able to find his information in her pesonal papers, but I hope you can because this would access her medication information. B ut be forwarned, unless you can convince her doctor to speak to you, he may not because of his confidentiality issues.

Good luck