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AnonymousFemale · Sep 7, 2008, 04:53 PM

Hello. First, some background information.

My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year. We are in our teens. It is a long-distance relationship. We talk daily using a microphone and webcam. We have yet to be together physically, because of financial issues. We take our relationship very seriously.

Now, on to my question.

For the past few months, we have been getting closer and more intimate with each other despite the distance. We have been using mutual masturbation as a means to let loose sexual tension from a lack of physical touch, but also to become closer.
Lately, however, he has been saying that he 'Didn't feel like it' when I suggest we masturbate together. It had been puzzling me until recently, when he confided in me that he is ashamed to masturbate on camera with me, and that it feels wrong to do it while I'm watching (Even if I am masturbating as well). I understand and accept how he feels, but I'm scared that perhaps this will drive a wedge between us. I'm not going to force him to do it, but I think, if we can get past this, it will open up another door for us. Does anybody have advice on what would be the best way to help him get past this? Thank you, and I appreciate any help. Also, if any of you have had similar experiences with me, I'd love to hear them.

BlakeCory · Sep 7, 2008, 05:21 PM

Originally Posted by AnonymousFemale

He has been saying that he 'Didn't feel like it' when I suggest we masturbate together... He confided in me that he is ashamed to masturbate on camera with me, and that it feels wrong to do it while I'm watching (Even if I am masturbating as well).

You're more likely to drive a wedge in the relationship by trying to get him over this. Sex is only one side of a relationship, your focus shouldn't be limited to just the sexual element of the relationship.

AnonymousFemale · Sep 7, 2008, 05:29 PM

Originally Posted by BlakeCory

You're more likely to drive a wedge in the relationship by trying to get him over this. Sex is only one side of a relationship, your focus shouldn't be limited to just the sexual element of the relationship.

Of course! I agree completely, it's NOT all about sex. But I feel much closer to him when he trusts me enough to let me watch him pleasure himself, and in a relationship like this, it's a major prospect to feel close. Of course, there's other ways to feel close, but it's very important to me.. And him. He's talk me numerous times how much he likes to see me do it.

BlakeCory · Sep 7, 2008, 05:40 PM

Originally Posted by AnonymousFemale

Of course, there's other ways to feel close.

There are many other healthy ways to feel close, that you can both agree on. He said he was uncomfortable with publicly masturbating; respecting that will help you both stay close. If you continue to ignore him, that will push him away.

AnonymousFemale · Sep 7, 2008, 05:44 PM

Well, since I'm the only person I know close to me that is in such a relationship, It's hard to understand my feelings and things like this. Do you have any suggestions, then?

BlakeCory · Sep 7, 2008, 05:50 PM

Sex is an important part of every relationship, but it isn't 'the' relationship, it should only be a piece of the puzzle. Instead of just swallowing his fear, or going with the flow, he was honest about his feelings. Look at this as a chance to get to know him better. A healthy relationship is about falling more in love and not about another chance to get off.

Chery · Sep 8, 2008, 10:46 AM

Originally Posted by AnonymousFemale

Of course! I agree completely, it's NOT all about sex. But I feel much closer to him when he trusts me enough to let me watch him pleasure himself, and in a relationship like this, it's a major prospect to feel close. Of course, there's other ways to feel close, but it's very important to me..And him. He's talk me numerous times how much he likes to see me do it.

Seeing each other a few times is OK. Although I don't think it's a cool idea to use the webcam for such intimacy. He tried it for you, now he just had enough, can't you let it be at that. It has nothing to do with trusting you - the internet is not as safe and secure as you might think and surely not Private! so I surely can understand why he feels uncomfortable. Stop pushing on this issue and think of other things to share and pass time with until you finally really get together. Either that, or find someone else that will go along with 'your' program any time you need it -
Trying new things is OK for young people, but what are you going to do when you've 'outgrown' this stage and want a 'bigger' kick? Will it be free pronos directed by you next? Think about this because not all partners are that willing to show it all and feel comfortable about such intimacy, unless you are willing to pay for it - and then you know it is not the partner for life or love...

Good luck.

J_9 · Sep 8, 2008, 10:51 AM

To add to what Chery said, even though it is on a web cam doesn't mean someone else can't intercept it and post it on the internet. Just think about that for a moment.

Chery · Sep 8, 2008, 10:52 AM

Originally Posted by AnonymousFemale

Also, if any of you have had similar experiences with me, I'd love to hear them.

I doubt that any of us had any experiences 'with' you except for this current thread.

And what I did or do on my webcam is between me and those I did it with - and none of your business. You need to find a site that is geared to your 'taste' - it's not this one. So, keep on surfing until you find what you crave - with us, you will not get any further with this topic except for sound, clean advice.

Christopher618 · Sep 13, 2008, 02:48 AM

How far away are we talking about? Living wise?

JBeaucaire · Sep 13, 2008, 09:41 AM

We have yet to be together physically, because of financial issues.

Yes or No - have you ever met your "boyfriend" at all? In person, face to face? Ever? How did you two originally meet?

DoulaLC · Sep 13, 2008, 10:16 AM

Consider this... you say you understand and accept how he feels and yet in the next several lines you want to know how to "help him gets passed this". There is nothing to get passed... he was honest with you, that means he trusts you enough to be open with you about how he feels on the matter and expects you to respect that... which is far better than continuing to do something he is not comfortable with just because you want him to.

If you truly accepted it, you would let it go. Continue to enjoy yourself, let him continue to enjoy watching you if you want to, and really accept that he is just not comfortable with having you watch him.

ChristinaSuzann · Sep 13, 2008, 11:24 AM

I agree with most posters here regarding this issue. Do not force him into this and you really should be happy that he is not that type of person. If he would do that with you would you not perhaps wonder if he would do that with others? It is not natural or normal for a relationship especially if you have not experienced one another in the flesh yet. Let it go and get closer by talking via the phone and getting to know each other, talk about your sexual desires with each other and intensify for the moment you are able to be together physically. Sexual intimacey is sacride and should not be cheapened and maybe he feels "cheap" by expressing via the internet?

411Help · Sep 13, 2008, 08:41 PM

Does anybody have advice on what would be the best way to help him get past this?

" Does anybody know how I can accept the fact that my boyfriend is insecure about the situation and instead of trying to pressure him into doing something he clearly doesn't want to do, get over it. "