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Hatterlet · Sep 6, 2008, 05:48 PM

I'm doing a research project for my college english class, and I'd just like to hear some other people's opinons. What is your thought on chivalry? Do you think it is dead? Do you think it still applies today, and if so or not, why or why not?

albear · Sep 6, 2008, 05:59 PM

It is not dead there are those of us who still practise the art, holding doors open for people, being curteous and polite, letting people go before you if you arrived at the same time.

starbuck8 · Sep 6, 2008, 06:12 PM

My initial thoughts are, unfortunately chivalry is probably a word that not many young people these days have even heard of, or know the meaning if they have. I'm not some old lady, (in my early 40's) that has always grown up with men who don't know how to behave this way, I just don't see it happening with the young kids today.

For example, I went to the store the other day, and I held the door open for a young kid. He had a load of bags, and trying to be polite, I stood there and held it while he was going out. He dropped one of the bags, and I bent down and picked it up for him. He said an insincere thanks, while I was still holding the door. He walked out, and didn't even look back at me. So, in a lot of cases, as this isn't the first time something like this has happened, I think chivalry is dead. It has almost made a 180 to rudeness, and outright lack of appreciation.

I really think it's all in the way you are raised as a kid. If you were taught compassion, respect, morality, and to always be polite and give a helping hand in general, that man is more likely to know the meaning of chivalry. I think the old saying "If Mama aint happy, nobody's happy" should be taught to all kids and especially boys.

They should be taught to respect their elders, parents, teachers, and just Joe blow on the street. I really think it has a lot to do with the lack of parenting skills. Kids these days just have not been taught respect and humility, and it's sad really. I think they should be taught to say, "Yes Maam"... "Yes Sir"... "Thankyou"... I'm sorry"... and so on!

Well now I'm rambling, but if you want to see a good example of chivalry, (and it's not like I'm promoting him) look at the way Garth Brooks acts. Now that's chivalry, and I applaud his parents! ;) :)

albear · Sep 6, 2008, 06:31 PM

I know what you mean starbuck, but we are here if you look hard enough :)
And don't worry id hold the door open for you even if you wernt carrying bags and you get a 'your welcome' after your thank you :D

Mom of 2 · Sep 6, 2008, 07:24 PM

I don't think that it is dead entirely. The only way that it will survive, however, is if it is taught to young people. If it is not taught and if our children do not see it in practice, they will not know what is expected. I have taught my children manners, such as saying thank you, your welcome, etc. as well as holding doors open for people. My boyfriend is a very well mannered man, but he was taught to be proper from his parents. Sometimes, though, if he is in a hurry, he may forget to do something such as open the car door for me. It's not a big deal, as it does not happen all of the time, and I just simply remind him of this so that he does not "get lazy" and think that just because he may not have to impress me as much that it still is the proper thing to do. On the flip side, when it was his birthday, I tried to be chivalrist by opening the door for him, etc. He just laughed at me and made the comment, "Don't take my job away from me." So, I think that a lot of guys look at it as it is their job to do this. Sorry for the long response.

Mom of 2 · Sep 7, 2008, 08:30 PM

Starbuck8 - Thanks for the compliment. He is a great guy (and no he is not for hire - hee hee). I just wish there were more nice guys out there. I have to add that in addition to doing these things for me when we are out together, he always calls me to ask me how my day was and he always calls me to make sure that I got home okay - especially if the weather is bad and he knows that I was out driving in it. I once told him that he did not have to worry about me so much because I am a grown woman who is used to taking care of myself and he flat out told me that it was his job to still make sure that I am doing okay and that if I needed anything that he would be right there for me. I just recently broke my knee at work and he took care of me by picking me up and taking me home with him for the weekend before my surgery. Yes, I am lucky. I still believe that this is a learned behavior on top of just having good character.

starbuck8 · Sep 8, 2008, 01:18 AM

Originally Posted by Mom of 2

Starbuck8 - Thanks for the compliment. He is a great guy (and no he is not for hire - hee hee). I just wish there were more nice guys out there. I have to add that in addition to doing these things for me when we are out together, he always calls me to ask me how my day was and he always calls me to make sure that I got home okay - especially if the weather is bad and he knows that I was out driving in it. I once told him that he did not have to worry about me so much because I am a grown woman who is used to taking care of myself and he flat out told me that it was his job to still make sure that I am doing okay and that if I needed anything that he would be right there for me. I just recently broke my knee at work and he took care of me by picking me up and taking me home with him for the weekend before my surgery. Yes, I am lucky. I still believe that this is a learned behavior on top of just having good character.

That was sweet of him to do for you, and obviously he wanted to take care of you, which I find to be very loving. I definitely believe it's a learned behaviour, and it speaks loads about the way kids were raised, and taught when they were growing up.

I sure wish more parents these days would pay even more attention to that, than even the basic homework and everday tasks. If they did, they would have kids that were more cooperative, and respectful, and would probably know that in order to get 'priviledges', they need to follow the rules, and do the homework and chores required. They would learn respect at a young age, and that would be the norm, instead of threatening to call the police if a parent raises their voice! I wish the parents would realize that the behaviour of their kids, is a direct reflection on them as a person.

I was not by any means an angel when I was younger... believe me I wasn't :eek: , but I always knew respect, and what chivalry meant! Although that is clearly not always what I got.

Hatterlet · Sep 8, 2008, 12:52 PM

Thanks guys, this really helps. I truly never thought of it as stemming from a 'mind your p's and q's' type of parenting. But learning respect and responsibility as a child does help you to be a more polite and, well, chivalric adult.

Mom of 2 · Sep 8, 2008, 01:39 PM

Think of it this way, if you are not taught something, then how would you know that you should do something? I mean nowadays with everything that is competing for our attention, especially the young children, (i.e. TV, video games) just simply relying on kids to pick up through example is not enough. They should be TOLD what is expected and be shown the examples in action, as they don't pay attention when they see someone that they don't know open the door for their mom, etc. Whenever ANYONE (not just my boyfriend) opens the door for me when the kids are with me, I always say thank you to them and then point out to my kids, "See, this is good manners and this is what you should do as well" so that they see other people using it in practice and it is not just me "telling" them how to do something.

albear · Sep 8, 2008, 01:41 PM

Your welcome hatterlet, :)

ConfusedInAK · Sep 8, 2008, 01:41 PM

I think chivalry is still out there somewhere LOL

I am always impressed (especially when it is a teenager) when a man holds a door open for me, but I make sure to say thank you too... I don't think it should go unnoticed...

What is it called when women are chivalrous? Because I have noticed many women holding doors open for men... :)

Mom of 2 · Sep 8, 2008, 02:36 PM

I call it manners? However, some men may feel threatened by it. Like I said, when I did this to my boyfriend, he took it that I was taking his job away from him. Now, he never allows the opportunity to present itself that I would get to the door before him. Every situation is different, though.

ConfusedInAK · Sep 8, 2008, 02:39 PM

LOL

I think door holding is pretty much the only form of chivalry I see though...

Example... my truck ran out of gas when it was 10 below and I had 3 kids in the car with me

No one stopped to see if I needed help and 30 minutes passed... (not for lack of traffic either must have been passed by 200 cars and 3 police cars LOL)

Hatterlet · Sep 13, 2008, 08:27 AM

Another thank you, all. I gave a speech introducing my topic in class and everyone thought giving an online survey was an excellent idea. Thank you all for all your help, it's been an priceless resource!

starbuck8 · Sep 13, 2008, 08:32 AM

I'm glad it helped you. We were, and probably still are having fun talking about it! ;)

To reply to Confused comment, I also sat on a busy hwy one long wkd. Although it was just me, I was able to get my van to where it was fairly safe, and stood out trying to flag people down. It was about 100 degrees outside, and being a holiday wkd, there were hundreds upon hundreds of people that drove by, and I didn't even have my cell phone. Even the cops drove right by me. After 3 hrs of sitting in the hot sun, a young guy and girl pulled up on a Harley, and let me use their cell phone, gave me a bottle of water, and waited with me until help came. They were very nice people. I guess you can trust Bikers more than cops? ;P

Mom of 2 · Sep 16, 2008, 10:43 AM

That floors me that not even the cops stopped!! That is their job!! Sometimes, though, people are scared to stop. In today's society, you never know if the person is doing that to look like they are in trouble in order to hurt you/rob you, etc. When in doubt, protect yourself. However, if I were on the highway and I came across someone that needed help, I would at least call from my cell phone to let the authorities know that there was someone in trouble and to send help. Again, it has to do with manners, wanting to help someone other than yourself, but you still need to do it so that you do not put yourself in danger.

Yes, I also like this topic and I am having fun with it. I think that everyone should educate our youngsters that chivalry is proper and it should be expected.

starbuck8 · Sep 16, 2008, 11:02 AM

I just remembered, there were actually 2 people that stopped. Besides the young couple, an elderly woman did stop. She must have been in her 80's, and said she have just driven a long distance, and still had a ways to go. She didn't have a cell phone, and she said she needed to get home, so her family wouldn't worry, but she stayed with me for a short while. Even then no one stopped as she was helping to wave down another driver with me.

Now here's an 80ish yr old woman, and a fairly decent looking blonde, and still no one. Ridiculous hey? She told me that she just hated to leave me, but that when she got home, she would call the police, but she would pray that someone else would stop before that.

HistorianChick · Sep 16, 2008, 11:16 AM

Is chivalry dead? Personally, I don't think so. Has it been redefined inside the twenty-first century? Yes, I believe it has. No longer does a knight in shining armor save a princess from the clutches of a fire-breathing dragon or an evil sorcerer, but chivalry is still alive in the hearts and actions of twenty-first century inhabitants.

Chivalry is defined as "the sum of the ideal qualifications of a knight, including courtesy, generosity, valor, and dexterity in arms." Courtesy is practiced in the simple gestures of holding a door open or saying Thank you. Generosity is found when someone gives of themselves for another individual. Valor - heck, that is found by going to Wal-Mart some days! - is seen in a person protecting another from a harmful influence. Dexterity in arms - well, that one is according to each person, isn't it? :)

So, no, in my mind, chivalry is not dead. It lives on in the courtesy, generosity, valor, and strength of men and women. Until we lose these qualities we shall forever be partakers and providers of chivalry.