[wikedjuggalo]

Well this is hard to post as my heart is heavy with sadness. My girl friend of a year and 1/2 has recently asked for us to take a break from the relationship so she can take a step back but she also mentioned how it wasn't fair to me she did that, that also being a reason. The reasoning is she kissed another guy, I can only assume but I think she scared herself about our relationship because she did that. It was very hard for her to come out and tell me this at the time she was shaking and couldn't look me in the eyes. She told me right after it happened. Of course I am/was completely crushed. We never fought, we disagreed but I thought everything was fine, she even recently (2 days before this) had written a nice letter in her ACA 111 class to me telling me how much she loves me and how sweet I am.

Something else I find is important is recently we started college I know this to be a trying time and we both attend the same community college. She was before this year going to move with her father who is in the air force to Japan but for reason she didn't tell (except that she didn't want to take online classes) to me she choose to move in with her best friend to stay here. I was beside myself with joy when she choose to stay.

Something you must know about me is I am that kind of person who comes off as a big old son of a gun who will kick your . Now I don't say anything but my image oftens scares people and they assume I'm mean. In fact I am the opposite. I'm a big squishy mound of kindness. I'd do anything for my friends and for her. And I am easily hurt emotionally.

I brought flowers and wrote notes just because, I'd surprise her with stuff and I thought we were generally happy she never became distant or anything before this happened.

I'm completely crushed as I stated because I feel powerless and would do anything to stop this pain I feel, I haven't been able to eat much lately as I am sad but not depressed I am still going to school and work and trying not to contact her, and let he think about it.

Ash I read your guide after this happened (Part of the reason I want to post) I didn't yell scream or anything. I didn't leave her with a golden moment but I did tell her that if she feels she needs space she will get her space and I kissed her on her forehead and left.
She sat there and starred at me as I drove off.

I have tried not contacting her but I did call her yesterday and ask if she had taken care of the speeding ticket with the lawyer because it was something we suppose to do but then this happened. I didn't say I love you or cry on the phone I just kept it casual and sort.

It has only been 3 days but the hurting is almost unbearable. I found myself wanting to drive over there after work yesterday and talk to her but resisted the urge.

My question is really a two part.
1) Is there a chance she will come around to me
2) Should I comfort her in a few days and go somewhere and sit and have a serious long talk?

I know no contact is vital and I am doing my damned not to contact her. Its about the hardest thing I have ever had to do.
Edit:
I forgot to mention on of her biggest fears is someone cheating on her. I can only assume but I think she is taking this out on herself because is scared at what she did. I also told her when she told me that I forgive her.

[talaniman]

1) Is there a chance she will come around to me
There is no way to tell, the key is don't wait, and don't wallow!
2) Should I comfort her in a few days and go somewhere and sit and have a serious long talk?
No, leave her alone, and let her contact you, if she has a change in heart, but forget the friendship thing, until after the grieving and healing process.

Read the stickies for this forum, there is a link in my signature, and know we all go through this heartbreak, and do survive.

[Romefalls19]

Tal is right, she wanted space. Now give it to her and don't waste too much time over thinking the situation. There is nothing you can do to change the past

[busterite]

You have done all the right things so far. You had the strength to act in an extremely mature and kind way. It can feel very empowering knowing that you can stick to your principles even in such a tough situation. So I would suggest you maintain that and not contact her. I am sure she is drowning in her own confusion at the moment but there is nothing you can do about it. Your work is done here and now its time for NC so that your pain starts to heal and so that she gets the time to think about what she wants to do.

When my ex told me she had feelings for someone else and that they had kissed she was in tears because she realised that it meant our relationship was not as strong as she thought. She told me she thought what we had would never be impaired and we would spend the rest of our lives together and when she felt something for someone else she panicked. For weeks she was calling me in tears asking me why this happened and why we didn't work out. Spare yourself the additional pain and stay away from her. It will suck in the short term but will work out for you in the long term.

[wikedjuggalo]

I haven't called or texted or anything to her today. As hard as it for me to do the exact opposite of what my heart screams for I am doing it. I know the guy, he's scum, he's not going anywhere and didn't even graduate HS. He wants nothing more from her then to well you know. What kind of person would kiss someone in a relationship they has been going on and was strong. Someone who will eventually hurt the next person they with the way I was hurt. If she decides she wants to come back to me then it will be my choice if I feel I want to continue the relationship.

Now she isn't dating him or even talking to him for that matter but what really hurts me is that I know if she decides that she wants to date him that I will only hurt her in the end. Which I do not want. I am not vindictive nor cruel or any sort of person like that. I try my hardest to be a decent person in a world of cruel selfish people. I know you have advised that I do not contact her and I will do everything in my will power to no contact her. I think back about when I found out my father had Leukemia and how she drove to my house to comfort me and confide her deepest feeling that she kept bottle up about her mother who passed away from cancer.

All I have ever been is a good person, her parents trusted me so much that they allowed me to sleep in the same room as her alone on a trip. They trusted me not do anything with her. I also felt we really have something special. I do hope that it was just a moment of doubt which I am sure some shape or form we have all had in any relationship and it scared her. But again I can't sit here and wait forever on her.

This is about the most painful experience in my life, the hurt is unimaginable and how people can do this is beyond me. For god shakes I almost had my arm chopped off, I grew up with an alcoholic father, no one but someone who has been through that knows what kind of pain it is. And this is by far worse.

Result is I will try everything in my power to not contact her, I can't change her mind I can't force her to be with me if she truly doesn't have feelings. The hurt that is there by ignoring my heart is by far the worse. I can hope for the best and we will live happily ever after but I will not wait around and I will try my damnedest to stop wallowing, as hard as that maybe.

Thinking back I find myself often too kind for my own good. I appear to be a scary dude on the outside as people are easy intimidated by me. I am the kind of person you see on movies big tough dude who in the end is more emotional then many people. I woke up at 5:30 this morning and cried like a baby something I haven't done in many years. I much rather my arm be seavered again then feel this pain for even a second more, if there was anything I could to stop the pain and feelings and thoughts I'd do it. I wish I could be numb to emotions and everything so I never again have to feel like this.

[talaniman]

But again I can't sit here and wait forever on her.

Don't wait at all, just deal with your feelings, it will get better. If you let it.

[BrewCrew0981]

Ask yourself this:

"Do I want to be with someone that dumped me so she can mess around and sleep with some crummy loser?"

Be good to yourself and just let her go. Know that you are better than that, deserve better than that because you do.

[wikedjuggalo]

The probably I face with that is she isn't sleeping with him or even talking to him. I badly want to comfort her and ask he if she wants to be with or part ways. But I want to give her more time to think. I can't force her into a relationship but all in all I don't just want to through it out the window.

[BrewCrew0981]

The probably I face with that is she isnt sleeping with him or even talking to him. I badly want to comfort her and ask he if she wants to be with or part ways. but I want to give her more time to think. I can't force her into a relationship but all in all I don't just want to through it out the window.

She kissed someone else, WHILE you were together. That should be reason enough for you to at least start NC.

[wikedjuggalo]

I have started NC, I am not one to do wild things without thinking. I realized I could have been mad and yelled at her and belittled her but what would that have done in the end regardless of what the outlook maybe? It would have made me feel bad. I am at a point in order to move on I am going talk to her, I know this isn't advised but If I want to heal and move on I need some closer. No saying I will ask her way this happened and beg her back because if I do that then we will have gotten no were. She knows what she did was wrong she came out right and told me after it happened. This is part of the reason I feel we need to talk.

And Honestly time apart probably is the best thing I know she is going through a stressful time being 1/2 around the world from her family and what they went through, and college. Do we not all make decisions we regret? And do we all not realize what we had until it is gone?

I feel I acted in the most mature way I could about this even though It hurt so badly to leave like that. I don't know how upset she is because I haven't talked to her, but I do feel she didn't want to break it off but more so that it would be wrong not to.

I keep reading peoples stories and I find myself comparing them. I don't think all woman are evil and conspire to harm us. Some do get confused and have to step away to figure out what the hell happened.

I am taking peoples advice on here but I don't feel I should jump to conclusions yet. If she feels we can't be together then I will move on, but also if she feels she wants to try to work this out then I will try to work it out and if should fall apart again I will know that I did everything I could and will completely let go. Kind of like the old saying fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.

[wikedjuggalo]

I'm ing stupid I spoke to her on Yahoo I saw her on and I ed up.

Me: Hey
Her: hi
Me: did you go to class today?
Her: yes
Me: k good
Me: how are you feeling?
Her: I'm OK... how are you?
Me: I
Me: I'm o.k
Her: did you go to class today?
Me: yeah.
Her: k
Me: all right well this is probably quakward for you so I'll leave you alone
Me: you can talk to me anytime you want to
Her: I promise I won't just stop talking to you... I just need time to be by myself...
Her: steph and I are going out tonight to have dinner over a friends house
Me: If you don't mind me asking what friend?
Her: his name is brian
Her: he works with steph's mom and terry
Me: I want you to know I do want want to sit down and talk about everything when your ready
Her: I know...
Me: That means being honest with me, as this is hard for me
Her: but I'm not going to lie... my feelings are still torn in half
Me: I can tell
Me: but I'd rather you be honest with me
Her: it wouldn't be fair to either of us if I just ignored this
Me: I know
Me: it also wouldn't be vary fair to cut it without trying
Me: to talk ot me
Her: I know this nathan
:Her but now is not the time
Her: I'll ttyl OK
Me: understood,
Me: Have fun, goodbye
Her: bye

[turbogtir]

Dude that's intense, you should see my msn conversation lasnite and the night before!
And the phone calls are even more intense! And yet weirdly subtle and quiet.
I fukn hate this lol

Dude just go NO CONCTACT! BLOCK HER do everything you can to put her out of your mind, and if she will.. she will come crawling back.

This is what I'm doing now for the passed week, even though I broke NC twice which was a dumb move. But it seems to be working, fluctuating.. its her deciding what she will do, just sitback and enjoy the show seriously I've gotton to the point where I I laugh at the situation, my hearts still broken but what can you do? Seriously don't ruin your mind over something you can't control.

[Stephen100]

k. Give her space and time.

[wikedjuggalo]

I am feeling a little better today. As I have accept the fact what she did is cheating. She did this not me, I am not at fault, what I did was give her love and I thought she gave me her love and now she is not sure if what she felt was true love. She has to decide. If she finds that she does have love me for then we have deal with it, if not that I will not wallow, I have to keep telling myself that. I did everything right, She is the one in the wrong. As this older gentlemen told me, "She's confused your not, tell her when she gets unconfused to come talk to you". I have put everything up that reminds me of, I cleaned off the wall where she wrote some loving words and pictures. I cried as I did but I know having it in my face will not help. I haven't tried to contact her today and I have told me that if she truly has love for me she will contact me. I do have thoughts of it but I have to remind myself that if she loves me like she said she did she will back I will not crawl back to her.

[BrewCrew0981]

I'm glad the reality of the situation is sinking in for you. But, don't be fooled, tomorrow you will feel different then you do today, and something different the day after that. You'll be a roller coaster of emotions for awhile. Stick with NC, it's the best thing you can do for YOU right now.

[wikedjuggalo]

I am I found myself attempting to break NC but I stopped myself. I have tried to eat more but my stomach is still upset and I can't force it down. Like I said I have swallowed the hardest thing ever in my life and that is she may come back in love me or she won't. I can't dwell waiting. She calls it a break so that's I give it. When she talks to me I can decide where to go from there. All I can do, I will not help myself by calling her and stuff, if I leave her alone to stew in what she has done she might realize how wrong she was and then again she may not. I can't control her thoughts what she decides is what is going to happen and I will go from there.

[talaniman]

I think that's a great decision, just remember it takes two, and if she isn't on board, then don't hold the train for her. Why should you, since half the relationship was yours also! We have to live with our decisions, that includes her too.

[wikedjuggalo]

Its hard but I feel I will if I know she feel she can't be with me I can move on, If she feels she still wants me then we will have to talk over things. Its hard, I have forced myself away from my room and my computer so I don't dwell on the internet or hover over her IM name, or check myspace. And it is a 2 person thing, if she isn't on board I can't hold the train for her. If she isn't the right one I will find the right one.

I don't know why but this song makes me feel like it will be all right,
YouTube - Michael Buble - Lost NEW VIDEO!!
Michael Buble - Lost.
It brings tears to my eyes but not in a bad way, it gives me hope, it lets me know it will be all right, I'm not alone, Idk, it just speaks to me, I was tempted to send it to her but I resist as I didn't want to break NC. I haven't contacted her tonight.

[friend4u178]

I don't know why but this song makes me feel like it will be alright,
YouTube - Michael Buble - Lost NEW VIDEO!!
Micheal Buble - Lost.
It brings tears to my eyes but not in a bad way, it gives me hope, it lets me know it will be alright, I'm not alone, Idk, it just speaks to me, I was tempted to send it to her but I resist as I didnt want to break NC. I havent contacted her tonight.

YEP... thats a great song , I actually have a link to it in my signature!

[sanobia89]

I think that you should give her a break. And I really think if you give her the space that she needs then she will come back to you. That's if its meant to be...
"if you love something or someonethen letthem go, & if it comes back to you then its true, its meant to be"