[cowboyjai]

I hear you bro. Don't be ashamed of crying, man, the first week I cried for days. I felt so sick to my stomach I almost vomitted. No one has ever seen me break like that, and, if I can help it, nobody ever will again. I don't want to feel like that either. That's why whenever I have a memory pop up, I just switch straight to 'no more memories, no more thoughts'. Not even anything justified about why I can't think about the memory etc etc. Just a blank 'no more memories, no more thoughts'.

I think the next time we get into a relationship man, we should both be careful about the way we approach it mentally. Because I know even if the next chick says it'll last forever, that it's probably not going to.

No contact man. Maybe once we're in a better place... But yeah. No contact. Me and you bro. Thousands have done this before us. We can make it too.

[wikedjuggalo]

I get paid today, so that's something to look forward too. It won't be a big check but a little money. I might plan a trip somewhere when I get my refund check from school. That would be something nice. Maybe I'll go bowling today or I might even go geocaching.

Also another hard part is I'm not sure how to meet people. I know that's advice but I'm really not sure how I do this. Just going to keep myself open, not closed, someone asks if I want to do, I should. Well unless its getting drunk because I know I'm not ready for that, as the when him and my mother broke happened to my father and he became an alcoholic for 8 years.

But I need to leave to my college now, have class soon. Thanks everyone for your comments.

[cowboyjai]

Also another hard part is I'm not sure how to meet people. I know that's advice but I'm really not sure how I do this. Just going to keep myself open, not closed, someone asks if I wanna do, I should. Well unless its getting drunk because I know I'm not ready for that, as the when him and my mother broke happened to my father and he became an alcoholic for 8 years.

This is something I'm trying to get through as well. I read somewhere, on some site, that basically just don't decline any social invitation. Sometime invites, you go. I've been doing that. A lot of these things have been to parties where the chicks were.. basically.. not really my type. But I went anyway. Meet people. Meet old friends. Basically it feels good to just get out there, and know you're not at home moping around.

When I do find out where some good places to meet chicks are I'll let you know.

[busterite]

When you're in a long-term relationship like us man, and they walk, not only do you lose your girlfriend - you lose the plans you made for the future, you lose possibly your best friend, you lose your family (if at any point you started to consider her family), and in a way, you lose the memories. I can't think of any memories at all, good or bad, since there's nothing good that comes with thinking about them now. I've locked them up and thrown away the key. Not sure if it's healthy, but it's the only thing that I can do with them.

I totally agree with you. Looking back I can see that at some point I considered her to be more of family to me than my family, which was wrong but at the time I felt like it was the right thing to do. I knew her sister long before I knew my ex and I got along really well with her parents and her whole extended family and friends. They adored me and would always talk to others in the best possible way about me. They told me they had never seen her so happy in their life and could not understand what it was I had done to her. That is why she still hasn't told them what really happened and why we really broke up, because she knows she treated me wrong and that they would judge her heavily for that. She thought I would go around bad mouthing her to everyone and asked me to keep it all a secret. And that really hurt because it showed how little she knew me. But like you I always maintained my decency and was fully rational about all this. I felt weak but was able to think rational. So where I am getting at is that now you might think that the fact that you acted so maturely was irrelevant but believe me it does. It shows great strength and I am positive you will get through this. When things clear up in your mind you will look back and there will be nothing you regret doing or not doing during this time.

I will get through it. But man its hard. I am trying to keep my head up. I don't want to feel like this. I did cry, I admit it, I woke on one morning last week and just cried. For a good hour and half. I felt emptiness, like something tore away something from my heart. I don't ever want to feel like that again.

[/QUOTE]

Crying, feeling emtpiness, feeling torn, feeling as if you were robbed, feeling betrayed, as if you were fooled. These and a million more feelings are normal at a time like this. If anything crying and feeling all this is a good thing because your emotions are surfacing, keeping stuff inside and suppressing them would not be healthy. It is part of the mourning process so don't feel ashamed about any of that. I understand you with the dreams and sometimes they feel so real and make you feel so vulnerable. As soon as you wake up from them just tell yourself that you are safe and no one can hurt you anymore but yourself and that things will get better. Keep saying that to yourself.


[QUOTE]Also another hard part is I'm not sure how to meet people.

You mentioned you have just started going to college so I would say you are in an excellent position to meet people. Take advantage of it. Just remain open to new people and new experiences. See what has happened as an opportunity to meet new people, live new things, some which you will enjoy. Possibly join a club or pick up on a new hobby. You have been given the chance to start something new, what is it that you always wanted to do but because you were in a relationship you hesitated? Take that as a starting point. I was always abit of a control freak in the sense that I always felt like I needed to know where I am heading in terms of my career, my life. During this past year I had managed to align everything after many years of efforts. I had managed to get a really good job which I enjoyed, be in the same city as my ex (as we had a long distance relationship for the 6mths before that) had good friends around me and generally I felt like things had finally taken their course for me. But some things are beyond our control and I realised that you have just got to let go and wait and see what life is going to throw at you next. For the past 2 months I have let things take their own course and out of nowhere old friends started contacting me wanting to hang out and I have met a whole new bunch of people which have filled a big part of the gap I was feeling. All I am saying is get out there, start doing things and keep yourself open to new opportunities. One thing that is for sure is do not stay at home all the time. As my signature says I firmly believe that people happen to opportunities so you have just got to put yoursefl out there and just wait and see what comes next.

[wikedjuggalo]

Today was hard at school, sitting through a physics lecture was very boring. It was hard to keep my mind from wondering on to thoughts of her, and also this happened in my Pre-Cal class. But in my humanities class, I meet up with my brothers friend who is a lesbian and she made me feel better. But after class while driving home my mind started to wonder. I tried to tell myself that its over and things happen for a reason. Its out of my hands. It was hard, I wanted to see if she is happy but I know it won't do anything but make me feel worse so I put that idea away.

I woke up twice last night both times because I had a dream. I felt like screaming but I didn't, I posted on here and tried to lay back down. The first one messed with my head. I was standing there and she was on her knee begging me back, and I told her she had to do 2 things before I'd consider it. One was get tested, I went on to explain it wasn't about sex, but to prove. The other was kneel down and ask me back from her heart. This one messed with me pretty bad because in the dream it happened, she did it.


Why do we allow ourselves to be hurt like this? I mean I guess you can't have that feeling of being loved without the polar opposite, that of being hurt. I wish I could just fast forward to when the hurt stops. Just skip the painful time. I am tired but I am going to go play something or wash my car.

[Animal0126]

I think if you really want her that bad then go after her. Then make her realize how big of a mistake she made by choosing the other guy. Make her want you back.

[wikedjuggalo]

If it was that easy, she gave me her answer and she will have to see what a mistake she made. I wish but she made her choice I would like nothing more for us to be happy together again but she choose to attempt things with him. If she realizes what a mistake she made down the road we'll see where I'm at, I do love her. I hope she comes back to me but as of this moment I have to try and heal. Its only been 3 days since she gave me her answer.

That comment has made me wonder more now :( Now I just want to contact her even more. I am going to wash my car, get out of this house.

[cowboyjai]

I wonder too sometimes. Should I chase my ex? Then I realize Im still afraid to walk away. It's already happened. I sometimes think she'll be waiting for me when I get home. She never is man. The fact is there's not a lot we can do right now if they just aren't keen. All we can do is walk and try not to look back. It sucks but I'm sure deep down you must agree.

[wikedjuggalo]

I do, if its meant to be she will contact me, this sucks.

[busterite]

Stick with NC! Do not go after her. If anything you will push her further away. She has made her choice. The fact that you should not go after her is not a matter of pride or ego it is a way to protect yourself from getting exposed to something that will make you feel 100 times worse than you are now. Believe me I have been where you are now. Over the last week together she took me through the whole process going on through her mind while deciding whether she wants to be with me. We always had a very trusting relationship and talked about everything but in this case the stuff I heard over that week was hell and certain comments she made would come back to me for weeks to come. I then saw some pictures of her and the other guy on Facebook. That completely destroyed me and the dreams I had for a week were extremely disturbing. Leave things as they are. You do not want to come across or hear stuff that will make the healing process longer. You have done everything that was possible to show her you really love her more than anything and I am sure she knows that and is not easy for her either (that doesn't mean though that she wants to come back). Everything is still really recent and raw and although you have done an amazing effort to deal with all this you still need to do your best to protect yourself remember that. YOU COME FIRST NOW! No one can hurt you now but yourself! Stay strong man and don't give in to those emotions. When you get the urge to contact her come on here and write or call someone else. Tell a friend of yours or a family member that you will need them now and that if you end up calling them frequent its because of what you are going through. You have said that you have always helped people so I would say that its time someone else helps you. There are loads of people here to support you to start with but having someone close also helps.

[cowboyjai]

busterite is on the money man. You HAVE to protect yourself now. God knows the thoughts are bad enough - I think if I encountered something like that for real I'd be scared of what I'd do. Be vigilant and stay away, both from her and any information about her. You do not want to expose yourself to more pain.

[wikedjuggalo]

Which is why I left my house and went to clean my car. This chapter in my life sucks. Only thing I have looking forward to atm is the 2,000 dollar check coming from school. If she decides she made a bad choice and decides to contact me it will be my decision to choose what I do, and most say NC but I would feel inclined to hear her out and judge if she is just BS'ing or genuine. I hate this. I really do. I have read over numerous post that NC is best, that chasing does nothing but make a bad situation worse on yourself. So I will contiune to do my damnedest not to contact. Am I really doing better then most, I feel like I'm not.

[friend4u178]

I think if you really want her that bad then go after her. Then make her realize how big of a mistake she made by choosing the other guy. Make her want you back.

This will only prolong the process.

[wikedjuggalo]

I cleaned my car, and played some COD4 I feel a little better but thoughts are still racing.

[friend4u178]

Your thoughts will race from time to time , this is also normal. You just have to remember you are still fresh from the breakup and it takes time. And as time goes you will find yourself thinking about it less and less.

Its not easy I know and that sucks , but hey if it were easy you wouldn't be here.

[wikedjuggalo]

I am going to try and get some sleep its been a rough day. I hope I don't wake up a lot tonight.

This morning has been hard. Thoughts keep coming and I am doing my best to not think about it. I woke up a lot last night, but no contact. I am feeling down again but trying to look up its been 1 week and a day since it ended. The pain in my chest is still there.

Today at school was hard. It felt like slow motion and nothing itself was real. I felt like a zombie. I don't know if it's the lack of sleep or what else. I have had this pain in my chest all day. I believe I had a panic attack after my Pre cal class. I was walking across campus to my car to leave to get something to eat. My chest tightened and it was hard to breath, my chest also hurt and just a general spurt of crap feeling came over me. After that walk I wasn't able to eat even a simple chicken sandwich. Today has been a hard day and its only half over.

[busterite]

Thoughts keep coming and I am doing my best to not think about it. I woke up a lot last night, but no contact. I am feeling down again but trying to look up its been 1 week and a day since it ended. The pain in my chest is still there.

It has only been 1 week and all this is very rough but you just need to hang on in there. It is not easy I know but you just need to give it time. With time the ups and down will become more normalised and your mind will take over control of the emotions believe me.

It felt like slow motion and nothing itself was real. I felt like a zombie.

This is firstly because of the lack of sleep and secondly because you haven't been able to eat properly. Try forcing yourself to eat something. I know the zombie feeling. There are a million thoughts going through your brain and you probably just feel tired and numb. This is a normal reaction of the brain. Don't think of that too much, time will resolve this and not far from now you will be able to eat normally and get a whole nights sleep.

Today has been a hard day and its only half over.

Yes but now you are closer to the day when you will be able to go through a whole day without counting the hours.

[Animal0126]

I know that this hurts you, but you sound like you really love her... and the pain in your chest that you keep feeling is a broken heart trying to mend itself. These things hurt, but quite frankly if I were you, I would go after her and at least try to talk to her.

[wikedjuggalo]

I know that this hurts you, but you sound like you really love her... and the pain in your chest that you keep feeling is a broken heart trying to mend itself. These things hurt, but quite frankly if I were you, I would go after her and at least try to talk to her.

It hasn't been that long, I'd love to case after her but in the end it will do nothing she choose. I told her exactly how I felt and maybe in time she will realize but I will not crawl and beg back to her. I didn't do this, I shouldn't have to, I told her how I felt, she knows I love her and I can't force her to be with me. The relationship won't last between them because I know what she likes and he can't offer that.

Its not about if I love her, its about if she loves me. I know people make mistakes but I can't change what happened. I played my hand I was dealt as best as I could. I didn't push her away by calling texting anything. I gave her, her space. I Didn't GO AND KISS ANOTHER GIRL AND SAY I'm CONFUSED. I found myself kind of liking a girl about 6 months into our relationship but I knew that I didn't want to loose what I had so I let that ship sail away to WV.

If she wants to talk, I'll listen but I won't open myself to hurt again. I can let the past go when its in the past.

But giving myself false hope at this time won't help me. It will hurt me more if it doesn't happen. I have started the NC a week ago, she called me Friday last week and told me she wanted to date this guy. I told her I love her and always will. I told her if she finds she made a mistake down the road, If I'm not with someone WE'LL TALK, but that does not mean I will take her back. I Told her that. I know I made her happy, I know she made me happy. I told her I will always hold a place in my heart, I told her I do hope everything works out great between her and him. She asked if we could remain friends I told her not right now, I have to take her out my life at this point which I told her included removing her myspace and stuff. I don't wish Ill will, I just hurt.

[Animal0126]

I understand. You just need to do what's best for you and what you think will help you in the long run.