[angie87]

I have a boyfriend of 4 months and we are in love with each other.
In the beginning we had sex up to about 4 times a day.. as time progressed we did it less and less. Even if I tried to touch him or tried to initiate it, he would say no, or that he wasn't in the mood. I felt so neglected and pushed away, but I tried to ignore it. And if he was in the mood, he asked me to go down on him and that's all it was.. he did his thing and it was over. I felt so used and rejected like I wasn't good enough..

When I used his computer, I found so many porn sites on different websites. Videos, pictures, etc... I felt so sick to my stomach. I knew he was doing this often, I had no idea before. He's subscribed to sites, and pays for these sites.ugh.. Every time that I was away from him, I knew he was on his computer watching these sites. I didn't really mind the porn because almost every guy watches it. But I feel like the reason for his low sex drive is because he's watching so much porn and getting off to it, and never feels like doing it with me. I am so sexually frustrated because I feel like I'm so deprived and not getting enough (esp because I have a high sex drive). He also had a problem with staring at every single girl in his sight, I talked to him about it and said it means nothing and he doesn't mean to. But still, it gets to me and makes me feel like crap. I don't know how to approach this problem.

He says the reason for his not-wanting-to-have-sex issue is because he has an issue with his penis getting limp due to past medication to heal an illness. He said he took a very strong medication when he was in the coast guard to heal his Tuberculosis (turns out he didn't have it) but while he was taking the medication, he said he was drinking alcohol when he wasn't supposed to. So he said ever since then (a few years ago) he had a problem with staying erect for a long period. He said he didn't want to disappoint me and feel ashamed, he said it hurt his pride and ego when he went limp. I guess that's also the reason why our sex barely even lasts 5 minutes each time.. I feel like I'm never satisfied. What do I do? I feel so neglected and deprived.

Is that just his excuse for getting off to porn? Is he really telling the truth?
I please him sexually whenever, and he says I'm so good at it..
He tries to please me with kissing, touching, etc.. (everything but intercourse).. but still, I want the actual thing.. it almost makes me want to get it somewhere else.. because I'm not getting enough.it's so frustrating and I don't know what to do...

Do I approach him about this problem? Or just deal with it?

[amanda-kym]

If he can see it as a problem as well then maybe a visit to the doctors can help. Have you told him how much it means for you do have intercourse. The porn thing , in my opinion, does seem a little excessive. I too don't mind if my partner looks at porn but he really does. He has a few dvds and occasionally books it on TV but normally if I'm not in the mood or can't . This is only about once every couple of months. If he is paying to view it, it may be more than just the odd urge as there are others ways (cheaper ways) to do so.

[Choux]

You only have four months into this relationship... this guy has serious sex problems and is giving you excuses, most likely, and he is not going to get any better.

Time to move on; that is what a smart girl who wants a good sex life would do.

When you are young, there are lots of men to choose from... don't chose a broken guy. :)


Best wishes going forward,

[angie87]

Does age have anything to do with it? I'm 21, and he's 29... yeah he is a lot more experienced than I am.. but I feel like I gave myself to him.. because I feel like he's the right guy... usually guys are dying to get in my pants.. and I basically gave my virginity to this guy.. and I feel like I'm so neglected after a month or so.. :'(
It's killing me...

[amanda-kym]

If that is the case you would need to get this sorted soon or leave as you will hold it against him in years to come. You will feel like you have missed out on something

[Synnen]

Tell him that since HE gets HIS elsewhere (from porn) that you're going to have to start looking elsewhere for YOURS (another guy) unless he's willing to start working on pleasing YOU in bed.

I have no idea if this is an addiction or not--but I usually lean towards "not" in most cases. It IS, however, a PROBLEM, since it's affecting your relationship.

If he has erection issues linked to a medication, then he needs to see his doctor. Period. If he's not willing to do that, then he's probably making excuses to you.

[angie87]

You only have four months into this relationship.....this guy has serious sex problems and is giving you excuses, most likely, and he is not going to get any better.

Time to move on; that is what a smart girl who wants a good sex life would do.

When you are young, there are lots of men to choose from....don't chose a broken guy. :)


Best wishes going forward,

I wish I could move on.. but I love him...

Sigh...

[angie87]

He said he might prescribe viagra or something to help him stay hard longer... he said he's not lying about his erection problems.. he said he'd show me the papers and such... but still.. it's hard being a girl.. and not being met physically.. its tough

[Xrayman]

Tell him that since HE gets HIS elsewhere (from porn) that you're going to have to start looking elsewhere for YOURS (another guy) unless he's willing to start working on pleasing YOU in bed.

I have no idea if this is an addiction or not--but I usually lean towards "not" in most cases. It IS, however, a PROBLEM, since it's affecting your relationship.

If he has erection issues linked to a medication, then he needs to see his doctor. Period. If he's not willing to do that, then he's probably making excuses to you.

Possibly the best solution/answer to give, well said, Synn.

Three good resolutions.

[angie87]

Tell him that since HE gets HIS elsewhere (from porn) that you're going to have to start looking elsewhere for YOURS (another guy) unless he's willing to start working on pleasing YOU in bed.

I have no idea if this is an addiction or not--but I usually lean towards "not" in most cases. It IS, however, a PROBLEM, since it's affecting your relationship.

If he has erection issues linked to a medication, then he needs to see his doctor. Period. If he's not willing to do that, then he's probably making excuses to you.

I want to approach him and talk to him about the websites and such but how? I am not a very confrontational person.. and I don't want him to think I'm like some psycho girlfriend that snoops through his computer..
I'm almost embarrassed to bring it up.. and I don't want him to feel stupid either :(

[Xrayman]

Forget about the porn... save that for later.

Tell him you need him to perform to satisfy YOU. You have needs and perhaps (you already know this) he is "getting it somewhere else???" LIKE PORN?.

Anyway, I'd look after my needs by myself if it was me, but that could become VERY boring, but I'm sure if my mrs told me she was thinking about getting it elsewhere, I'd be picking up my (sex)game!

[Synnen]

So don't tell him you snooped---yet. Eventually, if you want to have a good relationship, you may HAVE to tell him.

Honey--non-confrontational means "doormat". If you want to fix this, you HAVE to confront him. Otherwise accept the fact that YOUR actions (or lack thereof) have left you with a sex life you don't like. Not him. YOU. If you say nothing, it then becomes YOUR fault, and you have no cause to complain or be unhappy.