[niceguy32]

I'm sorry to bother everyone with my problems but I need some advice please to enable me to move on with life.
I met a girl through another department when out for drinks one night. We clicked and stayed in touch by email occasionally and out of the blue she asked to meet up for a drink. I inquired about her status through friends and although single she had dated her first love for 7 years and broke up 2 years earlier. He was now living with another girl although they stay in touch regularly. We started dating and went on a trip away and had the best time ever. We then got to the 3 month stage and out of nowhere she said we needed to take a step back as we had rushed things.
We occasionally met up for coffee and the occasional text message from her but she showed no interest really in getting back together. Recently she text me again and was showing more interest in me. This triggered new feelings and I had to tell her how I was feeling for my own sake. I cancelled the meeting on her and she replied in an email, "Nothing feels sorted with me - Subconsciously I was hoping that everything would magically work out including us - but that's not fair and I'm sorry".
Can anyone please explain why she may have called it off and kept in touch with me? She would initiate the contact.
I've also began dating another girl and trying to get on with life. My ex hurt me but deep down she's a wonderful person. Question 2 will my ex be angry that I have moved on?

[ISneezeFunny]

I think you know why that girl did what she did...

... she just wasn't ready for a relationship. Her keeping in touch with her ex regularly... kinda shows she may not be completely over him.

As far as #2... she may be, but I don't think it should be of any business to you. It sounds mean, but in all honesty, she did ask to take a step back (which... meant... let's... end things).

I feel that she likes you, but is unsure of what she wants...

[Teresa51]

Who knows why this girl stepped back from you, but it does not appear to be anything about you! I personally think she is using you and possibly is not over the first guy yet. After all, 7 years is a long time to be involved with someone.

You must sense that she is using you--you state that she is the one who initiates the contacts with you---That she showed no interest in responding to your text messages. And she gives you that hint of being used in her message of "everything magically working out including" the 2 of you. Well, actually she tells you she is using you herself when she says "but that's not fair and I'm sorry!"

I suppose my question to you would be, why would you be concerned if she will be angry that you have moved on? She has no right to be angry when she is the one that put a cool off on things earlier. In addition to that, you cannot control nor be responsible for her feelings one way or the other.

I have no doubt that her coming back in your life has triggered some old feelings, but I would encourage you to look at it from a realistic view. She is not ready for you, and I am not sure she ever will be.

[niceguy32]

Thank you for your opinions and advice. They say love is blind and after reading your replies, I guess it's true. Deep down I knew that her ex was a problem and with him in constant contact, she can't let go of the past. I feel really cheap now and just another rebound guy we all hear about which really hurts.

[Teresa51]

niceguy32, there is no need to feel "cheap"---hurt maybe, but not cheap. Feeling "cheap" would imply that were fully willing to be used. She has been good at deceiving you in her intentions, and I can say with a good amount of certainty, that we have all been deceived by someone about something at some point in our life's. It is no disgrace!

Just keep paying attention to those little "red flag signals" that you get when something does not seem right. You expressed it as "deep down I knew". Those red flags are usually right!

[hjpan]

Obviously, she hasn't recovered from her previous relationships.

Find a better girl!

As for Teresa51's "red flag" warnings, THOSE ARE TRUE!
You need to watch! With her contacting the ex, it's no doubt she still likes him but HE MOVED ON.

[tabbarat]

Dude... learn from me... my ex told me she was over her ex of 10yrs and wanted to move on with me... after 4 amazing months, when things got tough and she felt some stress, she went back to him

Now the questions are: will she want to get back with me? And if yes, do I want her back?

I mean I do want her back, and realize that she turned to him as a phase, and maybe she will realize she made a mistake...

BUT, do I also want to always worry if she is going to turn back to him? I mean 10yrs vs. 4 months!

So you got to sit and think if you really want her back or not... and based on that either move on and have a sex-fest, or contact her and ask her out

[niceguy32]

Thanks for the replies I really appreciate your thoughts and views. Can someone else try and decipher her words in her last email though as it's the only thing I'm still unsure with.

"Nothing feels sorted with me right now - subconsciously I was hoping that everything would work out including us - that's not fair and I'm sorry"

Does that mean she's saying goodbye, she's still confused about us and there's hope or none of those?

[talaniman]

She has told you quite honestly that she tried but it ain't happening. Learn from her mistakes, and don't contact her, as she has still with her ex. Its hard to move on when your still holding on to false hope. Just disappear. Get your own act together.

[talaniman]

Why, thank you Sneeze!

[liz28]

I think she's mad that you moved on because mostly likely she thought you was going sit around and wait. Besides her being jealous she might not want to see you happy. To bad for her because she had her chance and blew it. Life goes on and she needs to move on to someone else.