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Dare81 · Sep 26, 2008, 10:01 AM

2 weeks of nc= you would think after you know someone for nine years you would try to contact them and ask them how they are doing. She really doesn't care anymore

hungtoronto · Sep 26, 2008, 10:32 AM

Me and my ex broke up for over 2 months now and we didn't see each other for pretty much a month and 1/2. This is the first time I ever did no contact because I guess in this situation it's the right thing to do since the begging and pleading at the beginning doesn't work and I know that we have problems that if I was to keep begging for her to come back it won't solve anything and we will end up breaking up again.

I did nc pretty much over a month now with a few screwed up in the process but nothing major. I feel a lot better now. I do think about her and miss her but it's getting less and less every day.

For some reason morning is the worse and some time wake up in the middle of the night thinking about it.

Curiosity killed the cat and it's true. The more you try to find out about them the more you'll get hurt because you'll think and create these stupid scenarios in your head which may be true or not true.

I changed all my Yahoo ID and I don't contact her friends or family members anymore. For me it's just common sense, why hurt yourself trying to find out about them. Basically you are giving them more power and the satisfaction.

I think it's all a power game. I am sure if the dumper try to contact us and pleading and begging we will all feel a lot better but we don't necessary want them back.

Dare81 · Sep 26, 2008, 10:37 AM

Originally Posted by hungtoronto

Me and my ex broke up for over 2 months now and we didn't see each other for pretty much a month and 1/2. This is the first time i ever did no contact because i guess in this situation it's the right thing to do since the begging and pleading at the beginning doesn't work and i know that we have problems that if i was to keep begging for her to come back it won't solve anything and we will end up breaking up again.

I did nc pretty much over a month now with a few screwed up in the process but nothing major. I feel a lot better now. I do think about her and miss her but it's getting less and less every day.

For some reason morning is the worse and some time wake up in the middle of the night thinking about it.

Curiosity killed the cat and it's true. The more you try to find out about them the more you'll get hurt because you'll think and create these stupid scenarios in your head which may be true or not true.

I changed all my yahoo ID and i don't contact her friends or family members anymore. For me it's just common sense, why hurt yourself trying to find out about them. Basically you are giving them more power and the satisfaction.

I think it's all a power game. I am sure if the dumper try to contact us and pleading and begging we will all feel alot better but we don't necessary want them back.

I see what you are saying but still I was just thiking that if you know someone for a long perioud of tme you would at least want to know how they are doing.I know I do, but I guess my ex's doesn't. Have not heard anything from her, which I guess is a good thing.I might just be trying to grasp on the last piece of rope here.:rolleyes:

hungtoronto · Sep 26, 2008, 10:44 AM

Originally Posted by Dare81

I see what you are saying but still i was just thiking that if you know someone for a long perioud of tme you would atleast want to know how they are doing.I know i do, but i guess my ex's doesnt. Have not heard anything from her, which i guess is a good thing.I might just be trying to grasp on the last piece of rope here.:rolleyes:

I think the point all the wise people on this site try to make here is try to get over her by doing NC. You can try to find out how she's doing later down the road when you feel that what you find out won't affect you one bit.

I have a few ex that I get in touch with a few years later. We chat and I found out about them and they ask about me but at that time what they do is their business and it doesn't bother me one bit.

Dare81 · Sep 26, 2008, 10:52 AM

Originally Posted by hungtoronto

I think the point all the wise people on this site try to make here is try to get over her by doing NC. You can try to find out how she's doing later down the road when you feel that what you find out won't affect you one bit.

I have a few ex that I get in touch with a few years later. We chat and I found out about them and they ask about me but at that time what they do is their business and it doesn't bother me one bit.

I think the only problem with that is when that time comes around I really won't care.But you are right.The problem I am having is I really want to be a part of her life but she does not, so I have no other option but to move on.It just sucks that you spend nine years with a person and now have to act like a complete stranger. I can't wrap my mind around that

hungtoronto · Sep 26, 2008, 11:28 AM

Dare, I know exactly how you feel. You are still in the denial stage.

Try to keep yourself busy like everyone here said. I workout 3 to 4 times a week which I never did in my life. Workout will keep you from being depressed and also look good and more confident. I know it's hard when all you do is think about her but try force yourself. A little at a time.

For me knowing that she's a hottie and can get any guys she want hurt a lot more it's the thought of her with someone else that really hurt you but over time I learn to let go and my hope of her coming back is less and less and doesn't affect me as much

Doing NC is one thing but you have to let go and not having false hope that she'll come back with you that's the only way that you will heal. The first week weeks or months you will still have false hope but you got to fight it and over time it'll get better.

During the breakup you tend you always think that she's perfect and always think all the good stuff not the bad. When you have the urge to try to contact her just think about things that you hate about her and also the reasons you guys broke up the problems that weren't resolved.

If you need help just come up here and vent. We all went through the same patterns and emotional roller coaster that you go through.

Dare81 · Sep 26, 2008, 11:42 AM

Thanks

cantbelieveit · Sep 26, 2008, 05:44 PM

Originally Posted by Dare81

The problem i am having is i really want to be a part of her life but she does not, so i have no other option but to move on.It just sucks that you spend nine years with a person and now have to act like a complete stranger. I can't wrap my mind around that

I feel the same way. I keep thinking in my situation we spent over 5yrs together and lived together over half of those yrs and now he says he feels uncomfortable with me because I make him feel things he doesn't want to feel I think it's namely GUILTY. I was willing to try and work towards rebuilding with a friendship and he uses that cop out. He's willing to talk when he feels like it and never even asks me how I am doing. That must be what's so hard to just move on huh... we can't "wrap our mind around" the reality of what was meaningful and worthwhile to us isn't to them. That's my feeling anyway. In my situation I think his problem is he is still infatuated with the piece of trash that is stringing him along. He doesn't know I know they still talk if her husband finds out (his ex best friend) she's toast. I told him I wish I was like him sometimes and just didn't care about anything. I think he's just really good at suppressing and hiding his feelings. I wish I could erase it all:(

Fredj88 · Sep 27, 2008, 07:35 AM

Day 5 of no contact, at least this is showing me that she obviously doesn't care, every day we talked for 3 years for hours and I just stopped talking to her 5 days ago and nothing, not a text, not a I'm nothing , and any time I feel like contacting her I just think why contact a stranger someone who doesn't care about you and then I don't

Fredj88 · Sep 27, 2008, 07:41 AM

Also I would like to add, Forgive me for every judging people who smoke or alcoholics and wondering why don't they just give it up and there like I'm trying. Now I know addiction, its 5 days I still look at my phone hoping and praying like a idiot. Last time I talked to her she had a crush on aguy and they were talking for a few hours each day moving on fast I see disgusting. At least I don't know if there together or not, and this is why I love nc

Boristheblade · Sep 27, 2008, 10:01 AM

My sent me some vitrolic message today and it got me so riled up, how DARE he think he can say anything to me after the abhorrent way he has treated me and I went on his mypsace, and his ex's myspace that he cheated on me with and spends all his time with and they both said "ecstatic"- which was a huge setbak, I don't now why, because I'd been doing OK recently. Now all the pain has been brought up and I'm thinking all the time and feel back to square one :(

cantbelieveit · Sep 28, 2008, 12:43 AM

I know exactly how you feel. I hate square one. I keep going 1 step forward then 2 back over and over. Blah...

talaniman · Sep 28, 2008, 05:28 AM

Break that cycle, aren't you tired of the way it feels?

hjpan · Sep 28, 2008, 11:33 AM

Good thing is my ex doesn't talk to me anymore and I don't expect her to....

And I feel good that she left me because I probably effed in my nursing class by spending time talking to her instead of studying. Damn... I can see myself with several degrees from nursing course and university & earning a good pay~

hungtoronto · Sep 28, 2008, 12:03 PM

My ex called me yesterday morning twice at 10 am. I didn't pick up the phone. I don't know why she called but if it's important she'll leave a message. I don't think there is any reason why I should pick up. Oh well, I am now to the point I don't have that urge to contact her anymore and I can do things without her in the picture.

hjpan · Sep 28, 2008, 12:27 PM

Originally Posted by hungtoronto

My ex called me yesterday morning twice at 10 am. I didn't pick up the phone. I don't know why she called but if it's important she'll leave a message. I don't think there is any reason why i should pick up. Oh well, I am now to the point I don't have that urge to contact her anymore and I can do things without her in the picture.

Good!

I am on the same boat as you are except when I pass by the beach near my sisters' condo, I feel depressed cause I made out with my ex at that location =/

Dare81 · Sep 28, 2008, 02:51 PM

How's everyone doing.I hope all right.
Day 16 of NC, feeling a lot better then I did in the first week. I can't believe I haven't talked to her in 16 days, we used to talk everday. WOW

bigbird213 · Sep 28, 2008, 03:58 PM

Originally Posted by Dare81

Hows everyone doing.I hope alright.
Day 16 of NC, feeling a lot better then i did in the first week. I can't believe i havent talked to her in 16 days, we used to talk everday. WOW

Nice feeling of accomplishment, isn't it? It feels good as time goes on, you start to accomplish things you didn't think you were capable of. This is only the beginning, but it gets better and better my friend.

cantbelieveit · Sep 28, 2008, 08:37 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Break that cycle, aren't you tired of the way it feels?

Yes, I know I am, it's getting old. I guess that's what you mean by giving myself time. The NC helps clear you head when you can think beyond the hurt feelings. Over time feeling like crap gets old, you get tired of it and move on. Slowly but surely we will all get there

cantbelieveit · Sep 28, 2008, 08:40 PM

Originally Posted by hungtoronto

My ex called me yesterday morning twice at 10 am. I didn't pick up the phone. I don't know why she called but if it's important she'll leave a message. I don't think there is any reason why i should pick up. Oh well, I am now to the point I don't have that urge to contact her anymore and I can do things without her in the picture.

Congrats! I think not having the urge to contact her means you are doing great:) The day my ex calls and I don't have the urge to answer will be a good day for me. I don't really have to worry about him calling though so that helps. He doesn't call only sometimes random emails which I should start labeling as trash/junk mail and not even look at. Most of the time they are meaningless anyway.