[nkb1024]

I have two boys ages 8 and 10. Neither of them want to spend time with their father. My oldest has panic attacks before visitation that involves overnight stays. I have had the boys in counseling for over a year now. The counselor says my 10 year old is suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from violence he witnessed in the home while his dad was still living with us. Unless circumstances are directly relating to the children as written into the restraining order, he is not allowed around me.

My 10 year old was upset one day when he had to go to his dad's and his dad screamed and yelled at him. He told my 10 year old, "This is my time and you are going to be here with me and I don't care how freaking bad that makes you feel!" He pits the children against each other. He lets his wife call my 8 year old a spoiled brat to his face. He doesn't follow the visitation schedule and modifies it as he sees fit. He has only kept them two whole weekends since the beginning of the year. Instead, he breaks up the time so I have to accommodate his schedule. It is written into the visitation order that he must take them to practices and games. He berates the kids for having practices or games during "his time."

My oldest keeps asking when he will be old enough to not go anymore. My ex has two daughters that he did not fight to see when they said they didn't want to see him. I really feel this is another control issue for him and he must show everyone who is the boss. Is there anything I can do to make this insanity stop? He was using drugs (marijuana and cocaine) but has replaced that with religion now. When I asked him if he was going to make a child support payment for August because school was starting and the boys needed things, he told me to pray to God and ask God what the boys really needed. HELLO? He only pays child support periodically because the Bible says he is to support his wife and the government is evil for telling him to do otherwise. Short of moving out of the state and disappearing, how do I protect my kids? Thanks!

[JudyKayTee]

I have two boys ages 8 and 10. Neither of them want to spend time with their father. My oldest has panic attacks before visitation that involves overnight stays. I have had the boys in counseling for over a year now. The counselor says my 10 year old is suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from violence he witnessed in the home while his dad was still living with us. Unless circumstances are directly relating to the children as written into the restraining order, he is not allowed around me.

My 10 year old was upset one day when he had to go to his dad's and his dad screamed and yelled at him. He told my 10 year old, "This is my time and you are going to be here with me and I don't care how freaking bad that makes you feel!" He pits the children against each other. He lets his wife call my 8 year old a spoiled brat to his face. He doesn't follow the visitation schedule and modifies it as he sees fit. He has only kept them two whole weekends since the beginning of the year. Instead, he breaks up the time so I have to accommodate his schedule. It is written into the visitation order that he must take them to practices and games. He berates the kids for having practices or games during "his time."

My oldest keeps asking when he will be old enough to not go anymore. My ex has two daughters that he did not fight to see when they said they didn't want to see him. I really feel this is another control issue for him and he must show everyone who is the boss. Is there anything I can do to make this insanity stop? He was using drugs (marijuana and cocaine) but has replaced that with religion now. When I asked him if he was going to make a child support payment for August because school was starting and the boys needed things, he told me to pray to God and ask God what the boys really needed. HELLO?! He only pays child support periodically because the Bible says he is to support his wife and the government is evil for telling him to do otherwise. Short of moving out of the state and disappearing, how do I protect my kids? Thanks!

You go back to Court with your proof and ask that he have no visitation or supervised visitation.

[Fr_Chuck]

You will have to go to court and get the court ordered visits modified,

You take him to court to enforce your child support order, get a garnishment of his wages and worst.

[N0help4u]

You have to go back to court to get the modification with a statement from your sons counselor that states it is in the best interest of your son to not be around the father because of undue stress...
Counselors tend to carry a lot of weight with the court system.

[isabelle]

I can see your problem.
I don't think that he is allowed to modify the visitations, but sometimes you can.
On most orders there is a part that says if the child is sick, and a few other reasons, then they don't have to go. I would say that stress is making them sick. I would use that until I could get to court, like the other posters have advised. Read your papers very closely for other reasons that would not allow the children to go at this time. They may miss a few practices, but I think it would be worth it to avoid the harm that seems to be going on. You need this modified.
My answer is very short term, but maybe it will help until you can get to court.

[JudyKayTee]

I can see your problem.
I don't think that he is allowed to modify the visitations, but sometimes you can.
On most orders there is a part that says if the child is sick, and a few other reasons, then they don't have to go. I would say that stress is making them sick. I would use that until I could get to court, like the other posters have advised. Read your papers very closely for other reasons that would not allow the children to go at this time. They may miss a few practices, but I think it would be worth it to avoid the harm that seems to be going on. You need this modified.
My answer is very short term, but maybe it will help until you can get to court.

I think this is dangerous legal information - the mother does not want to be the person in Court, defending her "the kids are sick" statements against the father and then defending that with "the stress is making them sick," with no medical info to back that up.

Two wrongs - including a lie - do not make a right, particularly in legal matters.

If the behavior of the father is adversely affecting the boys, then she has to get them to a Doctor, get that documented, notify the father that on the advice of a Physician he will not have visitation until a Court hearing -

In the meantime, she must get to Court immediately and apply for an emergency order (if the Court will allow it) or a hearing in the regular course of business.

[N0help4u]

Yeah I think Isabelle is confusing modification and emergency order.
Mom really needs to get professional back up -doctor, pyshcologist, counselors, whoever.

[JudyKayTee]

Yeah I think Isabelle is confusing modification and emergency order.
Mom really needs to get professional back up -doctor, pyshcologist, counselors, whoever.

Absolutely (and happy almost Labor Day).

[isabelle]

I think this is dangerous legal information - the mother does not want to be the person in Court, defending her "the kids are sick" statements against the father and then defending that with "the stress is making them sick," with no medical info to back that up.

Two wrongs - including a lie - do not make a right, particularly in legal matters.

If the behavior of the father is adversely affecting the boys, then she has to get them to a Doctor, get that documented, notify the father that on the advice of a Physician he will not have visitation until a Court hearing -

In the meantime, she must get to Court immediately and apply for an emergency order (if the Court will allow it) or a hearing in the regular course of business.

"My oldest has panic attacks before visitation that involves overnight stays. I have had the boys in counseling for over a year now. The counselor says my 10 year old is suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from violence he witnessed in the home while his dad was still living with us."



Sigh, here we go again.. . I would call that being sick and with a counselor to back it up? It sounds like a logical thing to do. Why cause the child more trauma?
The advice you give which is OK, but it does take time even in an emergency.
I said my advice was short term only. The protection of the child NOW is very important.

I never offer legal advice, dangerous or otherwise. But to keep the child healthy until the court date, I would use it.

[cassiecase]

I have two boys ages 8 and 10. Neither of them want to spend time with their father. My oldest has panic attacks before visitation that involves overnight stays. I have had the boys in counseling for over a year now. The counselor says my 10 year old is suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from violence he witnessed in the home while his dad was still living with us. Unless circumstances are directly relating to the children as written into the restraining order, he is not allowed around me.

My 10 year old was upset one day when he had to go to his dad's and his dad screamed and yelled at him. He told my 10 year old, "This is my time and you are going to be here with me and I don't care how freaking bad that makes you feel!" He pits the children against each other. He lets his wife call my 8 year old a spoiled brat to his face. He doesn't follow the visitation schedule and modifies it as he sees fit. He has only kept them two whole weekends since the beginning of the year. Instead, he breaks up the time so I have to accommodate his schedule. It is written into the visitation order that he must take them to practices and games. He berates the kids for having practices or games during "his time."

My oldest keeps asking when he will be old enough to not go anymore. My ex has two daughters that he did not fight to see when they said they didn't want to see him. I really feel this is another control issue for him and he must show everyone who is the boss. Is there anything I can do to make this insanity stop? He was using drugs (marijuana and cocaine) but has replaced that with religion now. When I asked him if he was going to make a child support payment for August because school was starting and the boys needed things, he told me to pray to God and ask God what the boys really needed. HELLO?! He only pays child support periodically because the Bible says he is to support his wife and the government is evil for telling him to do otherwise. Short of moving out of the state and disappearing, how do I protect my kids? Thanks!

Though it is important for children to spend time with both parents, if they feel threatened, then they should not be forced. Maybe you can talk to your ex with your lawyers present and let him know how your kids feel. If he still acts like a bully, then it's time to legally keep the kids away from him.

[JudyKayTee]

"My oldest has panic attacks before visitation that involves overnight stays. I have had the boys in counseling for over a year now. The counselor says my 10 year old is suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from violence he witnessed in the home while his dad was still living with us."



Sigh, here we go again. .....I would call that being sick and with a counselor to back it up? It sounds like a logical thing to do. Why cause the child more trauma?
The advice you give which is OK, but it does take time even in an emergency.
I said my advice was short term only. The protection of the child NOW is very important.

I never offer legal advice, dangerous or otherwise. But to keep the child healthy until the court date, I would use it.

Obviously your experience in Court is different from mine - and it happens all the time. It appears to me that the boys have been in counselling for over a year and at no time has it been recommended that visitation be stopped. If the mother wants to say, "The boys are upset, they have PTS, they are not visiting with you until you get this sorted out," I have no problem.

I have a problem with the recommendation that the mother say they are sick and cannot visit. I never recommend not telling the truth in a legal matter (other matters, it's your own choice) because it will come back and bite you.

But, again, different States, different Courts, different laws and rules. In my area an emergency hearing can be held in 72 hours.

[isabelle]

Obviously your experience in Court is different from mine - and it happens all the time. It appears to me that the boys have been in counselling for over a year and at no time has it been recommended that visitation be stopped. If the mother wants to say, "The boys are upset, they have PTS, they are not visiting with you until you get this sorted out," I have no problem.

I have a problem with the recommendation that the mother say they are sick and cannot visit. I never recommend not telling the truth in a legal matter (other matters, it's your own choice) because it will come back and bite you.

But, again, different States, different Courts, different laws and rules. In my area an emergency hearing can be held in 72 hours.

Yep sounds like you live in a perfect world. In my state your 72 hours depends on week-ins , holidays etc.
You may have a problem with the mother saying the kids are sick, but it has been proved over and over that stress can cause illness. A short term answer to keep the children safe until this 72 hours are up is to say they are sick... no lies there. Your play on words means nothing. I would try to keep my child safe regardless.
You are right different state different laws.
You have a nice labor or day.

[JudyKayTee]

Yep sounds like you live in a perfect world. In my state your 72 hours depends on week-ins , holidays etc.
You may have a problem with the mother saying the kids are sick, but it has been proved over and over that stress can cause illness. A short term answer to keep the children safe until this 72 hours are up is to say they are sick.... no lies there. Your play on words means nothing. I would try to keep my child safe regardless.
You are right different state different laws.
You have a nice labor or day.

No, I sound like I'm in and out of Courts all the time. I sound just like the person who is hired by the father's Attorney because the child was "too sick" for visitation and the Attorney would like to know just how sick the child was, what else the child was doing that weekend. And I sound like the person who is called in to testify.

And I can be hired by either side.

And whether I live in a "perfect" World is immaterial as is your grandstanding, "I would try to keep my child safe regardless."

No one is saying not to keep the child safe. I am saying to handle the situation legally. Not make the mother the Defendant.

[N0help4u]

I really don't think the arguing is necessary. JKT DID say that she can get an emergency order and the counselor to back her up and then take it from there, so no problem.

[JudyKayTee]

[QUOTE=Comments on this post
Isabelle disagrees: this poster needs to learn manners in rating others posts. She disgreee with everything. That makes her advice kinna scary.g.[QUOTE]



No scarier than your incorrect legal advice in this and other threads.

Oh, and this is a revenge reddie - that's where the "learn manners in rating" statement comes from.

And you have misused the comments feature - was the advice wrong? No. Did you not like it? Yes.

[isabelle]

I use this site when I think I can help some one. I don't claim to be an expert, just a caring person. I ask for no pay and I don't anwer a lot of things. I don't judge others answers. I don't disagree with some one every time.
When you use this board to idisgree with me, it is very unprofessional. If you have a problem with me, contsct ADM ot PM me, but this is awful. You say anything you want than accuse others.
You GOOGLE answers do not make you an expert. You are just a person trying to answer the best that you can.
Now, you say anything that you want to, but I am done with you and shall to ingore any other hateful misleading things you say. I have tried this before , but I will try again. This is not a forum for your revenge.

[nkb1024]

Just an update.. thank you all for you input. I have contacted an attorney and will be meeting with him next week. My 10 year-old came home from sperm donor's with fingerprint bruises on the underside of his arm. I did not call Children's Services because my son swears he doesn't know where they came from. I did not want him to face the potential wrath of my ex at this time either.

The counselor has repeatedly said it is not in the best interests of the boys to visit but her basis is emotional abuse and Children's Services where I live do not give a rat's behind about that. The school is behind me too. I have set up an appointment with a psychologist for the boys as well. When I go to Court for the emergency order, I want all my ducks in a row. I do not want any loopholes.

Our power was just out for almost 3 days and he spewed crap in an email because we were not home when he was supposed to have visitation for 3 hours. We had no power and we had went to a place where there was power. I was not thinking about any of that. I was thinking I had 4 kids who needed to eat and all our food was bad. He did not call to see how the boys were... nothing... except what only impacts him. Three fourths of the city was without power which means no phone or cell phone either and he did not even think about his kids. We like to refer to his thought processes as "The World According to John" because he lives in a very delusional place.

Anyway, thank you all for your suggestions and comments. I an hopeful the attorney will be able to help. I found him in a forum about low cost legal help. I contacted him after checking him out with the Bar Association where I live so keep your fingers crossed for us!

[JudyKayTee]

I use this site when I think I can help some one. I don't claim to be an expert, just a caring person. I ask for no pay and I don't anwer a lot of things. I don't judge others answers. I don't disagree with some one every time.
When you use this board to idisgree with me, it is very unprofessional. If you have a problem with me, contsct ADM ot PM me, but this is awful. You say anything you want than accuse others.
You GOOGLE answers do not make you an expert. You are just a person trying to answer the best that you can.
Now, you go ahead and say anything that you want to, but I am done with you and shall to ingore any other hateful misleading things you say. I have tried this before , but I will try again. This is not a forum for your revenge.

Don't pay yourself on the back too hard - nobody gets paid on this board. Not you, not me, not anyone. We can all ask for pay all we want but it is not going to happen.

If you post incorrect advice I am most definitely going to correct it on the Board, not have someone actually believe you while we carry on some side conversation.

[isabelle]

If you post incorrect advice I am most definitely going to correct it on the Board, not have someone actually believe you while we carry on some side conversation.


You will correct what you THINK is bad advice, and belittle anyone in the doing of it. Go Google... YOUR BAD ATTITUDE and take a break.. you need one.

[zawatska]

I for one LOVE JUDY! :-]