[Alty]

I'm just chiming in to say a few words.

Freedomseeker, you have the best legal experts on this site right here, FrChuck, ScottGem and JudyKae, so listen and follow their advice, they know what they are talking about. :)

I just want to tell you to stay safe and don't back down, you have rights and you have legal resources, use them and don't give up. :)

We're here when you need us. I cannot give legal advice, but I'm here for moral support when you need it, we all are.

Take care and keep us posted. :)

[freedomseeker]

Thank you all so much, I have been keeping a journal of everyday even if he calls or not. The only reason I let him call is because he is the baby's father and I wanted her to talk to him, not trying to deny him that much. She is little so I put the speaker phone and he just tell her he misses her and loves her that is it.. he just hangs up on me which I don't care really. I called legal aid again today and I am still been shuffle between Utah is the one that needs to help you out because you married there but Utah tells me there is nothing they can do while I am I'm florida's soil ( I had to laugh) seriously sometimes some of this rules makes no sense in some situations but what can you do but play along. Thank you all for the support, I just want this thing settle and done with so I can move on with our lives.

[starbuck8]

I can totally understand the frustrations of the legal system. It quite often works against the victims, and gives the perps more rights. I really have to applaud you though, for not keeping your little girl from talking with her Daddy. She is caught in the middle of his (and his parents) silly and hurtful games, but she is an innocent player in all of this. So kudos to you for that! She obviously has your parents who love her also, and that's a very good thing for her.

Don't give up, and don't let him or his parents, or the legal system stop you from following through with the rights that you deserve as a mother. I don't think it's a matter of denying your little girls father, but more a matter of not denying the little girl the right to be able to hear him say he loves her, even if you know he is trying to play legal games with you. Your daughter will ultimately thank you, and respect you for doing that, even though right now she really doesn't understand that you are doing this for her own good.

Good luck with getting things rolling, and I hope there aren't too many more roadblocks set up to get in your way.

[freedomseeker]

Aug 29th that was the day he filed for divorce I just found out when I called the distric court in Utah he also file for some emergency motions or something like that plus waved the 90 days waiting period.. is the emergency motions is probably for child custody, can they hold a hearing even if I have not been served yet? He spoke with me and the baby on aug 30th but never told me a thing.. I am wondering if they are going to act like they have no clue where I am.. going a bit nuts now.. aug 30th is the last day he called too, I hope they are not going to come here serve me and take the baby.

[Romefalls19]

No they cannot hold a hearing without you being at least notified of it.

[JudyKayTee]

aug 29th that was the day he filed for divorce I just found out when I called the distric court in utah he also file for some emergency motions or something like that plus waved the 90 days waiting period..is the emergency motions is probably for child custody, can they hold a hearing even if I have not been served yet? he spoke with me and the baby on aug 30th but never told me a thing..i am wondering if they are going to act like they have no clue where I am..going a bit nuts now..aug 30th is the last day he called too, I hope they are not going to come here serve me and take the baby.

If he can convince the Court that he doesn't know where you are, yes, they can hold an emergency hearing without you. If they do get an order for custody it will be very difficult and time consuming to reverse it. The Courts prefer not to do this but I've seen it happen. A lot may depend on what Court he filed in -

They can't serve you and take the baby - but they can serve you, go to Court and attempt to get custody.

Did the Court in Utah tell you what the return date on the motion is? It is important NOT to miss that Court date. Sounds like these people are all half nuts and so you have to be very pro-active, make sure your own tail is covered. Again, do NOT miss that Court date. Your Attorney in Florida can issue an appearance on your behalf, address the papers that have been filed.

Undoubtedly any emergency motions will be heard first - custody, support, who knows - and then the divorce will come later.

Are you in a safe place if this explodes? I believe you said you are with your parents.

At the moment the Court has only HIS (and their) side of the story. The Court needs to hear YOUR side of the story.

You need an Attorney in Florida. See what he/she advises and go from there.

You will find out that you are stronger than you ever thought you could be and are. You'll be OK, just be prepared.

[JudyKayTee]

No they cannot hold a hearing without you being at least notified of it.

Unfortunately they can if they claim they don't know where she is. The father and his parents appear to lie about a lot of things so I wouldn't just sit in Florida and assume if I'm not served there's no hearing in sight.

She has got to be pro-active and protect her rights.

She knows there's a hearing - now the question is: when?

[Romefalls19]

Unfortunately they can if they claim they don't know where she is. The father and his parents appear to lie about a lot of things so I wouldn't just sit in Florida and assume if I'm not served there's no hearing in sight.

She has got to be pro-active and protect her rights.

She knows there's a hearing - now the question is: when?

That must be a Utah thing because in Jersey we were told something completely different. We were told that they try to find the person for at least a month. They try closest known relatives and everything.

[freedomseeker]

OK.. I called the court again and tried to get more info I was told the date the hearing is going to take place and apparently the address they put as my address is the one I am living at so they don't have that excuse.. the hearing is for a month from the day he filed for divorce, I am sure his parents will be the ones asking for custody since he can't physically care for the child on his own. I am finally seeing an attorney tomorrow here in Florida see what can be done from here.. if I don't get anything from my husband. I will make sure to be at that hearing and darn sure to mention it to the judge.. hopefully by then all this hurricanes coming this way will have stopped.. it is crazy out here!

[BetrayalBtCamp]

Sorry, advice given on old post not update.

[starbuck8]

Judy will correct me if I am wrong, but you would have to have done something pretty bad, and/or illegal, for a judge to take away custody from you and give it to the grandparents. So, I don't think you will really have to worry about that part of it too much. If the father can't phyically take care of your daughter, then the judge will see that too. So unless there has been something like abuse, a drug addiction, or a felony conviction etc. you should be fine.

Stay safe from the hurricanes and tornadoes. My parents live in Florida, (Sarasota area) and I have a lot of friends there. The storms seem to be gaining strength with each one that pops up.

Best of luck!

[starbuck8]

Many attys give a free legal consultation. Google family law lawyers in utah where you live, pick the best ones & see if they will talk to you free over the phone. In some places, their talking to you first prevents him from being able to hire them so at least that will limit his choices.

Talk to the battered women's shelter where you are at & ask them if they can give you any legal referrals. They may have the names of some atty's who will help or a program that will help. Ask them what you need to get a restraining order against him where you are at.

Ask them if it is legal to record your convo's with him where you are at, if so then don't talk to him unless you have the recorder going. In some places you can't record at all without the knowledge / consent of the other person. In others as long as you are recording your conversation, it's OK.

Get a PO box & order copies of your bank accts & financial records if you can't get copies online. You could also get an efax number & have some faxed to you. You will need those, so the sooner you gather them up the better. He may suspect where you are living but it's better if you limit who knows where you are actually living, especially since he will try to get you served at some point most likely.

There are no criminal charges they can file that I can think of from what you wrote, but I'm not a lawyer. Without a ct order saying otherwise, you can move your baby where you want to.

One way to find out if he has filed for a divorce is to check the county family law ct records where he lives, many are online now. You'd just have to put his name in to do a search there. Or you could call the cthouse & ask if a divorce or anything else has been filed.

She already knows the divorce has been filed, already has an appt. with an attourney tomorrow, and has talked with the courts in Utah. Her ex knows where she is, and so do the courts in Utah.

[BetrayalBtCamp]

Sorry, left thread open & didn't check for updates before submitting my orig'l answer.

[freedomseeker]

Judy will correct me if I am wrong, but you would have to have done something pretty bad, and/or illegal, for a judge to take away custody from you and give it to the grandparents. So, I don't think you will really have to worry about that part of it too much. If the father can't phyically take care of your daughter, then the judge will see that too. So unless there has been something like abuse, a drug addiction, or a felony conviction etc., you should be fine.

Stay safe from the hurricanes and tornadoes. My parents live in Florida, (Sarasota area) and I have alot of friends there. The storms seem to be gaining strength with each one that pops up.

Best of luck!

Thanks, I have never done drugs, alcohol,abuse my child nor nothing illegal nor criminial. Since the baby was born I had stay home taking care of the baby 24/7.. she was born with a disability too and my husband been disabled could never help.. she has been with me every waking hour I could think of and I am not joking.. I have pretty much always stayed behind with the baby when the family went out or on vacation or visiting etc etc.. It was just me taking care of my disabled husband and my disabled daughter, which is why it hurt so much I was been treated that way.. they swear they are not racist but some of their comments and threats made me think different.. I am hispanic they were white, one day my mother in law told me that if I ever divorce her son they would fight for custody and they would win because they are born american citizens and I was only a legal resident with a green card and the court will favor them. I will see what happens tomorrow with the attorney.. then I am going to continue my life and the babies until I find out what his divorce papers have to say.

[starbuck8]

I'm sorry that the burden has all been on you. That is a horrible way for them to treat you, after you have taken care of their son, and had the extra responsibility of caring for a disabled little girl. Her grandparents are not putting her best interests first. To even try and take her away from you would be abusive behaviour towards their grandaughter. She needs her mother, who has always been there for her.

Don't worry a lot about the outcome of this. Unless you get a judge that is mentally insane, there is no way the grandparents are going to have much of a voice in this at all. They are just blowing smoke out of their A$$ to try and scare you. This has nothing to do with them being American citizens at all, and don't believe them. She is your daughter! Don't let them make you lose any sleep over this, and just concentrate on your sweet little girl.

Bless you, and keep yourself and your little girl safe from those nasty storms!

[BetrayalBtCamp]

It is not difficult to understand why their son turned out the way he did & treated you so badly. He did not have good examples to learn from.

I'm sorry you are going through this.

[freedomseeker]

One quick question, since there is no court telling him anything yet... does he still have to pay to support the baby? I am not even asking for me but for the baby.. I know he knows the baby still needs diapers and things like that which my dad is paying for.. but he has not once offered.. does he has to pay "something" until the actual amount is settle or he no longer has to deal with it until he is told to do so by court?

[starbuck8]

Well unfortunately, I think you will probably have to wait until a child support order is in place. He still has to pay, but right now there is no order in place. The courts will probably grant you retroactive payments, but unless he sends money on his own, you can't really enforce this on your own. This is a question you should ask your lawyer tomorrow for sure. He may be able to draw up something to send to your husband.

It's too bad that you aren't receiving any money right now, but this will work in your favour in court. The judge will see that neither your husband, or the grandparents have made any attempt to care for the baby, and you and your parents have been the sole providers. The judge should recognize that you are the one that should be the main caregiver.

[freedomseeker]

Thanks for all your help, I have been writing up my questions so I won't forget what to ask. It is too bad a court has to tell a father or a mother that the kid needs to be supported no matter who is holding the child.. but I am learning as I go that it is not always so. Until tomorrow then, thanks for everything.

[starbuck8]

Yes it is ridiculous that you have to beg, borrow, and steal, just to get a parent to take care of his children.

Good luck with your lawyer, and I hope he gives you some good advice to get the help that you need.

Give your little one an extra big hug from me! :)