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haleymarie · Aug 30, 2008, 07:56 AM

My boyfriend is a sweet man is always in tune with emotions and moods and the reasons for them. However, he won't hardly spend any money on me. I am the type of personality that "what's mine is yours" and I enjoy stocking my house with his favorite foods and cooking him dinner, picking up little "thinking about you" gifts, so it hurts my feelings when he ask me to pay for my dinner. I have spend no telling how much money on groceries and don't think twice about it, until he goes "cheap" on me, and then I want to shut down, not give anymore, and that's not my nature. He always says, it won't always be like this, but I know he's got $. He's not rich, but he has extra, he just chooses not to spend on me and it makes me feel like I'm giving more than him in the relationship. We've been dating 7 months and he's probably taken me to dinner 3 times. We go to a movie about once a month. He's had 2 ex-wives that got a lot of his $ so I try to factor that in, but damn. He always wants to know what's bothering me, what's on my mind, but I feel a brat saying, "you don't ever want to spend your money on me" I don't need him to support me, I make good money, I just want him to WAnt to treat me occasionally. I feel like I'm investing way more in the relationship than him, am I being a brat?

joanne 1986 · Aug 30, 2008, 08:22 AM

No I don't think your being a brat,I think it's only right if you split things 50/50 and treat each other once in a while what's the harm in that! Maybe you should ask him why he never treats you to anything!

talaniman · Aug 30, 2008, 08:34 AM

Talk about it, that's what couple do when there is a problem.

After 7 months, its not the money, or how its spent, you are still strangers learning the ways of each other, and the cute stage is obviously over, so now it's the learning to talk and listen and figure how to work together to solve your issues to the benefit of you both, but without a level of communications, it ain't going to work.

Thought you could just live off love, and things would be fine?? Relationships are HARD work, forever.

gorgeouslady · Aug 30, 2008, 05:22 PM

My boyfriend of two years was the same with me. When I have something I always share with him but when it comes to me he is very cheap.funny enough when it comes to his friends he is very generous.to me it sounded like he was generous with his friends rather than me because he wanted to show off or something.I also thought that if I talked about it I would sound like a brat but it really bothered me till I told him about it.funny enough he never realized that it bothered me till I told him.so he changed.you would expect men to know certain little things to do in a relationship but they don't and little hints don't work.you have to point it out flat in their faces.just ask or tell him point blank and see what he says or if he will change.you can't be the only one rowing the boat in the relationship.it should be 50/50.good luck

mnolan7715 · Aug 30, 2008, 05:48 PM

You are DEFINITELY not a brat! I had the same problem with my boyfriend! Read my post "is my boyfriend cheap, or am I just crazy?" and you'll see what I mean. I feel as though people who are cheap with their money are cheap with their emotions. You're obviously not cheap with your money as you stated that you love stocking your house with all the foods he likes and buying him little gifts, but if he's not doing anything for you in return, then what's the point? Where's the insentive to be kind and generous when he's not reciprocating. I wouldn't give up on the situation, but I would definitely talk to him about it.

Alty · Aug 30, 2008, 06:45 PM

Okay all, I'm going against the grain on this one.

I won't say you're a brat, because you're not. But, I do think that you are focusing a bit too much on the money issue, about his willingness to spend money on you.

He has two ex wives, believe me, he's paying. Maybe he's saving his money for something, or to get out of debt after the divorces.

If he asked you to stock up your fridge with his fav foods then you have something to complain about if he doesn't reciprocate. But if you did that willingly, because you love him, well then be content with that, don't expect the same consideration in return.

I find it funny, because I'm the exact opposite. I hate it when people buy something for me and I didn't buy something for them. I don't care if I have a gift for them and they have nothing for me. It's fun to give, and I do it because I want to, never because I expect something in return.

As for the comment about people who are cheap with money are cheap with their emotions, no, I don't buy that. Some people save for a rainy day, some people spend money like it's going out of style. Neither have anything to do with personality.

So, bottom line, if you love him then you have to accept him for who and what he is. If you can't then leave, because you won't change him.

Good luck.

twinkiedooter · Aug 30, 2008, 07:35 PM

So if this guy is a cheapskate, try for a Donald Trump instead. You keep giving, giving and giving to him and you are expecting the same in return. Shame on you. You need to remember you're dating this guy of your own free will. If he doesn't suit you by the way he treats you, then find another man who gives, gives, and gives to you as you obviously expect much more from a person than this guy is able/willing to give you at this time. Someone else may do better.