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Iceman1018 · Aug 28, 2008, 04:10 PM

I have a friend that is really close to me that I have known for awhile. I recently discovered that she cuts herself and I have no idea why. She told me she digs into her skin with her razor on her legs. And last night she apparently cut her forearms with a knife. I was speaking to her about it and she tells me its an addiction. I want to help her. But I have no idea what to do?? What should I do?

N0help4u · Aug 28, 2008, 04:20 PM

You can tell her that it is dangerous and she really needs to get professional help. Encourage her to find somebody she can talk to and get help

Iceman1018 · Aug 28, 2008, 04:26 PM

Originally Posted by N0help4u

You can tell her that it is dangerous and she really needs to get professional help. Encourage her to find somebody she can talk to and get help

I have and I do talk to her about it but she says she doenst need help, I'm so worried about her. I want to try and get to the root of the problem

Wondergirl · Aug 28, 2008, 04:29 PM

Cutting into one's skin allows the cutter to "cut through" anxiety and thus feel better for a short time. It also gives that person something to control when it seems like she can't control anything in her world. The best thing she could do is find a counselor who deals with anxiety and/or cutting and just vent, vent, vent. The counselor will be a good listener and will help her not only set goals to end this destructive behavior but also find new, positive ways to get rid of anxiety.

N0help4u · Aug 28, 2008, 04:36 PM

She probably doesn't even know the root of the problem. That is why she needs professional help. She doesn't even see it as a problem

Cutters cut for a variety of reasons
Some think they deserve the pain
Some it numbs the pain
Some it releases an inward pain

Choux · Aug 29, 2008, 01:03 PM

If she lives at home, ask her if her parents know about this, if they are paying for her therapy. Tell her parents if they don't know.

There is really nothing you can do to help her... that is for *professionals*. Don't listen to gruesome stories, tell her you won't, just have a regular friendship with her if you wish. Keep it healthy. :)

xlady_lambertx · Aug 29, 2008, 01:34 PM

Hi I used to cut myself as well, I went through a really bad time and have things happen in my past that made me so depressed I turned to cutting myself as a form of release, I hadn't told my mother or anyone what had happened to me when I was younger... I ended up on anti depressants which helped and have been clear of cutting myself for 8 months I still have the urge when things are going badly but have managed not to.. Your friend is obviously unhappy and I think asking her to go to the doctor about anti d's will help I hope you figure this out x

SweetDee · Aug 30, 2008, 09:43 AM

Cutters are a different breed of depression. It's something that no matter how well intended you are, you yourself cannot help. You're just a girl... w/ no therapy background. Have you studied psychology in university? Are you a therapist? Of course not, but you ARE a good friend that cares. Your awesome for staying involved. Now that you have this information that she cuts, you NEED to take it a step further... You need to help protect her from herself. She may even cut too deep one day:(. (I don't know what kind of parents she has and if you think they have her back or not). I don't know how old you guys are... but if you're in school, perhaps tell the school guidance counselor or school shrink? Take her to your pastor, go with her? (Hey, I'm not into religon, but I know going to the church for help is free.. ). Call your city hall and ask if they have any kind of government service that offers free counseling? Find ways of helping her that includes therapy. She needs it... right now. (OH, how about going to a library or big book store and looking up "cutting" in the psychology section. It will give you an idea about what she's feeling and thinking... so you can make your best mind up).

Kiceskating · Jun 9, 2010, 07:29 AM

Ok so I cut for almost a year and I can tell you this I went to thrapist and more they never helped because theY never knew enough about me to help it was actully annoying to have them tell you what to do and nit care at all but I met this great guy and he told me the good in me I was beautiful smart and that he couldn't deal with me cutting that it hurts him so much and I realized that I was important and mabye that cutting wasn't the answer cutting and suiside are different normally if you cut you will try another way to kill yourself do unless she's talking about suside or showing signs of it just be there or her tell her something true make her feel needed that's all she can ask for and mabye all your hard work will end up paying off

Kiceskating · Jun 9, 2010, 07:30 AM

Ok so I cut for almost a year and I can tell you this I went to thrapist and more they never helped because theY never knew enough about me to help it was actully annoying to have them tell you what to do and nit care at all but I met this great guy and he told me the good in me I was beautiful smart and that he couldn't deal with me cutting that it hurts him so much and I realized that I was important and mabye that cutting wasn't the answer cutting and suiside are different normally if you cut you will try another way to kill yourself do unless she's talking about suside or showing signs of it just be there or her tell her something true make her feel needed that's all she can ask for and mabye all your hard work will end up paying off

Kiceskating · Jun 9, 2010, 07:30 AM

Ok so I cut for almost a year and I can tell you this I went to thrapist and more they never helped because theY never knew enough about me to help it was actully annoying to have them tell you what to do and nit care at all but I met this great guy and he told me the good in me I was beautiful smart and that he couldn't deal with me cutting that it hurts him so much and I realized that I was important and mabye that cutting wasn't the answer cutting and suiside are different normally if you cut you will try another way to kill yourself do unless she's talking about suside or showing signs of it just be there or her tell her something true make her feel needed that's all she can ask for and mabye all your hard work will end up paying off

Kiceskating · Jun 9, 2010, 07:30 AM

Ok so I cut for almost a year and I can tell you this I went to thrapist and more they never helped because theY never knew enough about me to help it was actully annoying to have them tell you what to do and nit care at all but I met this great guy and he told me the good in me I was beautiful smart and that he couldn't deal with me cutting that it hurts him so much and I realized that I was important and mabye that cutting wasn't the answer cutting and suiside are different normally if you cut you will try another way to kill yourself do unless she's talking about suside or showing signs of it just be there or her tell her something true make her feel needed that's all she can ask for and mabye all your hard work will end up paying off

FriendofEmosSg · Sep 16, 2010, 06:52 PM

Two Of my friends Are going through a deep Depression And are cutting themselves. Most Get Shrinks they Don't Help. I have one myself. They Just don't get it. I have given them Advice I have told Parents teachers Shrinks Friends Fam and nothing Helps. The best you can Do Is Keep them away from things that are sharp. Keep Them Occupied and Check On them. My Friend was over it then She relapsed. It caused everyone be distant from her. Even Me. But With checking in on her. She Is finally Coming back around.

Wondergirl · Sep 16, 2010, 07:20 PM

Originally Posted by FriendofEmosSg

Most Get Shrinks they Dont Help. I have one myself. They Just dont get it.

What part do you think shrinks and counselors miss or don't understand?

Why do you think kids cut? What's going through their heads when they do?

meggzy · Nov 8, 2010, 03:13 AM

If anyone knows what to do I would serously appericeate finding out. Me and my other friend want to tell someone but were not sure who. My 'Cutter' friend has seen the school consullor before and she hated it because everything she said was told to her mum and her parents are also in denial. I am serously concerned. And it might be worth know that she has a really ****ED up life!

SweetDee · Nov 11, 2010, 06:56 AM

I wouldn't exactly say "I know what to do". I also understand that her life is very messed up or cutting wouldn't be happening. I spoke with all the people in my family that are therapists (and there are MANY) and I was told that cutting releases anxiety and stress apparently, so "cutters" need that kind of outlet or they feel like they can't get "relief".

I think that perhaps a close friend can approach her with this knowledge and try and brainstorm some other ways she can release her anxiety. Like make a list of alternatives, (ie: running/jogging till feeling subsides, get a thick skin veg and a toothpick and stab it till.. etc). Use your imagination to help her figure out ways of exhausting her need to damage herself... cus ultimately I was told that she needs to damage herself due to feelings of unworthyness, even if she doesn't realize that feeling exists. Also, I was informed that cutting becomes a habit over time, as it has... so she needs help reprogramming her mind to grab something external (that ISN'T SOMEONE ELSE), and not internalize her aggression toward herself. Her anger and her habit go hand in hand... so she needs to premeditate a new solution for her next episode of cutting by putting her new idea IN PLACE BEFORE her next upset. This way she will have that alternative there and available. Hopefully she'll use it or stop her cutting short... and switch.

Anyhow that's the best I can do with the info I have. I hope it has been of some usefullness. Take care and I hope that you or your friend will have the courage to step up and take the risk to get involved...

As far as her telling someone, does she have a close family member.. (doesn't have to be her parentals, if they're not close)? Or friend of family that's an adult? Maybe a good friends mom that she likes a lot? A teacher that she likes? THERE HAS TO BE an adult in her world that she can confide in... maybe YOUR mom?

SweetDee · Nov 11, 2010, 06:59 AM

This thread was sent to me recently... to my email address. So I figured someone was soliciting my help... but then I notice the original question was posted in 2007... after I went to the trouble of answering it :( big fat waste of time. :(

Wondergirl · Nov 11, 2010, 09:40 AM

Originally Posted by SweetDee

This thread was sent to me recently...to my email address. so i figured someone was soliciting my help...but then I notice the original question was posted in 2007...after I went to the trouble of answering it :( big fat waste of time. :(

Thanks for your answer. It was a good one! This sort of dredging up of old threads happens a lot with this new skin" called GO. So a warning is, when a question pops up this intrigues you, check to see how old it is (although fresh answers and analyses may help new posters).

hockeychix4 · Dec 4, 2010, 08:33 PM

Umm I recently discovered my friend has been cutting herself too. So your not alone. My other friends and I are very worried so we are speaking to the school counsler about it. Even though she told us not to tell anyone but its for the good of her life. And I would suggest you doing the same for your friend

soccerchica322 · Jan 4, 2011, 06:35 PM

My friend does that too. Here is what I'm going to do.
I'm going to confront her about it and tell her to stop because: she can have healh issues and it an become an addiction... shs only 13, too!
If se does not stop, Im going to tell her parents. She's stressed out about life and that's the only thing I think is right. My school is stupid, so we don't have an advisor or counslor.. so yeah.