[asking]

when a girl tells you any of this, i am confused, shy, need space, lets be friends or anything along that line it means she has very little interest in you.

So, Face_Reality, do you think that applies to men as well? If a guy says he "needs space" or is "not sure what he wants," does that mean he's not interested? Are you saying any ambivalence or doubt signals lack of interest and the other person should always move on to someone who is certain?

[talaniman]

It think that this is an interesting story of settling for what ever you can get, and the length people will go to get what they think they want.

Just me, if a female doesn't want to move to the next level, after 7 months, that makes us friends, not kissy face, or with benefits, FRIENDS.

As much as we can feel, and care for another person, Ain't that much love in the world to go this long without a true understanding of where things are going. Or at least try things the right way. Oh wait, he did that, and she dumped him for her 10 year ex, she hasn't gotten over.

Despite the sex, (not enough to mean a darn thing, but enough to keep him emotionally involved.) and making out, this has gone round, and round and until someone ends it for good, it will continue to go round, and round. That's why this thread has gone so long, and not gotten anywhere. Its sitting the same place it was at the start.

So until someone gets tired enough, or courage enough to break this cycle, round and round it goes, where it stops no one knows.

Sadly when the real truth comes out, all anyone will remember is "I told you so"

Tab, your aren't the only one who has come here stuck, but your getting close to the record for being stuck for so long. Re evaluate your own stubborn, never quite attitude and see if this is all worth it.

Or examine whether you have other options to get unstuck.

[tabbarat]

She messaged me in the morning asking me how my night was... so I called her.. I asked her out to lunch, but she said that she couldn't because the guy that bought her the watch (who she apparently said she was cutting it with), is back in dubai and wanted to see her for lunch!. I said OK, no problem, but she sensed I was a bit surprised/bothered... she explained that she has been ignoring most of his calls, but that he said that he wanted to talk to her when he came to dubai to wish her a happy birthday etc..

When we hung up, she wrote this message: "you really are someone very special to me. i kiss you 100 times. and you are better than anyone, believe me"... I replied that she is special to me too, I kiss her 99 times ;), and to enjoy her lunch

I then went for lunch with my family... she called me a couple hours later and wanted to see me... I saw her for like 30 minutes... she was all over me.. trying to kiss me and make out etc... of course I kissed her back.. but when I tried to open up the subject of the watch guy and see what happened and what he said, she said she didn't feel like talking about it

So either there is smthg she wants to hide/not talk about, or she just wants to concentrate on OUR time together, and not talk about this guy

Anyway... I felt a bit bored/tired of the situation... so I called the girl of the concert up, and said that I would take up her offer for drinks tnight... I picked her up, we went for a drink... then some dancing and grinding and hand holding ;), then dropped her home... its obvious she wants me, but I'm still unsure...

Anyway, I'm interested to know what is going on.. I thought she cut it with the watch guy... but maybe he came back begging or got her some other really expensive gift... or maybe she did cut it, and that's why she called me right after they finished their lunch and was all over me...

But also its not my business...

Going to concentrate on my family now... getting tired of this situation sometimes

talaniman... I agree with your post... until someone gets tired or has courage to end it, it will lstay like this

I am getting tired, that is for sure...

[liz28]

Once again she already told you that she didn't want anything serious so what do you think that means? She wants to play the field.

I guess she lied about the guy and I bet the guy doesn't know about you. Again don't take her word about certain things but you never know what she is telling the other guy.

Tab, don't believe the lie about her going out with him so he can wish her a happy birthday. But then again your aren't in a relationship so, oh well!

[asking]

I think you should just ask her. I think it is your business.
You are tired because you are angry.

She was honest with you about seeing him. Ask he what happened and tell her you want an exclusive relationship with her and is that ever going to happen. I think you should bring things to a head. If she doesn't want one, then fine. Move on. Maybe she's just waiting for you to say you want an exclusive relationship...

[TrueFaith]

Hey tab. Yeah I use to be in your spot man. And it took me a long time. To get out of it.

The girl just keept giving me that damn carrot in front of my face and I was like a blind horse. Running whenever she wanted me

And staying back whenever she told me to.

Gah! Makes me pisst just thinking about it.

Your own pride will kick in soon enough I'm sure of it.
And you will find a way out of this.
No matter what.

[face_reality]

So, Face_Reality, do you think that applies to men as well? If a guy says he "needs space" or is "not sure what he wants," does that mean he's not interested? Are you saying any ambivalence or doubt signals lack of interest and the other person should always move on to someone who is certain?

Yes, it applies to both genders. A person with high interest level will do anything to make things happen. Where as, a person with low interest level will make all sorts of excuses.

[asking]

So you are saying that if things don't click immediately, you should never pursue a relationship?

I'm asking because I've read so many stories (real and fictional) about protracted courtship, where many obstacles are overcome. People always seem to romanticize situations where one person is initially not interested but the other person overcomes their resistance. People who have been married for 50 years will say, Joe was so shy I had to pursue him, or Helen wasn't interested in me at first but she finally fell in love with me.

Do you think those are flukes? Or just not worth the trouble now when people can meet so many other potential partners?

[face_reality]

So you are saying that if things don't click immediately, you should never pursue a relationship?

I'm asking because I've read so many stories (real and fictional) about protracted courtship, where many obstacles are overcome. People always seem to romanticize situations where one person is initially not interested but the other person overcomes their resistance. People who have been married for 50 years will say, Joe was so shy I had to pursue him, or Helen wasn't interested in me at first but she finally fell in love with me.

Do you think those are flukes? Or just not worth the trouble now when people can meet so many other potential partners?

No I am not saying things have to click immediately. What I am conveying is gauge the person’s interest level.

Let’s take an example:

This is assuming that the two individuals involved have pass the initial attraction test -- without that you really have nothing.

1) You get a person’s number - - nice start

2) Call and ask to meet for a coffee or a drink -- just very casual meeting

3) The request will be either accepted or rejected - - a person with really high interest level will accept without hesitation. In some situations, the individual might have something important already planned, in that case, the person with high interest level will counteroffer for another day and they will also honor it. Whereas, a person with low interest will make this lame excuses, like – my mom is sick, I am very busy at work, I have to take my dog to the vet, I am stressed out, I am not feeling well, may be next time - - you hear everything except, I am busy at this day but I can make at another specific day.

4) A sensible person just moves on.

5) A clown will keep calling – getting voicemails, un-answered phone calls or sometimes if the person has nothing better to do, they might take your date. From here on is a downward spiral.

Yes, reading books helps (real and fictional) and of course, listening to people is good, however, You have to look at things individualistically.

[tabbarat]

This is all interesting, but listen to what finally happened:

I ENDED IT

I saw her today, and we had a nice time, we had the usual kissing and making out, etc. then I askd her what she was going to do and if she wanted to have dinner. She said she didn't want to because she had to sleep early for a meeting tmrw... mind you this was at 12.00 am... so I said OK, sleep well, etc.

At 1.30 am, I'm in a hotel lobby with some friends, going to have a drink... I see her walking in from far... I call her mobile, she doesn't answer... I message saying "what are u doing in Manzil hotel?"... she calls back and tells me that she came here to see the watch guy to end it with him

So I said "what u think i was born yesterday? i know why u came here"

She kept saying that if she wanted to lie to me she would have said that she was here to see someone else, but that she is telling me the truth by saying she is here to see him

I told her OK, I understand your here to see him, but I don't believe your here to end it! Who the fcuk ends things at 1.30 am and you come to his hotel? Have you ever heard of a phone, or ending it in the day

She said that he was travelling the next day early morning, and he wanted to see her, so she felt that she had to end it face to face

I told her I didn't believe her... she started begging me to believe her... bla bla bla... she said that she will call me tmrw (we spent 30 minutes on the phone-she left him to talk to me)... I told her not to bother... she said "u know what, if u believe me or not, that is ur choice"... we hung up...

I started thinking on the ride back home... should I give her the benefit of the doubt or not... she sounded honest and was begging me to believe her... is there a small chance she really was there to end it?

So I decided to go to her house and wait for her and talk to her... it became 5 am and she still didn't come home... so either the guy is fcuking her brains out, or she really takes her time ending it with guys

So I sent her a message saying that "for a while, i really started to believe you, and was waiting for u at ur house bc i felt like seeing u...but its 5am and ur still not here...so i guess i was right in not believeing u"... then I wrote this whole thing about how I hope one day she will realize how much I care about her etc, and I hope one day she will wake up and realize we are great together and stop the games, etc... but that for now, I can't handle sharing her with anyone... I have to stop pretending that I'm OK having some other guy touch her... I tell her that I love her,and if I did, then I wouldn't be able to be OK with sharing her... I wished her the best and told her that I will miss all the good times, and to take care of herself...

I sent this message at 5am... its now 7 am dubai time and no reply... so either she is thinking it over and doesn't know what to say, or she is asleep at his hotel room...

Either way, I feel like I a huge burden was lifted

Many of you are wondering why I got angry if it was an open relationship... 2 reasons: I really like the girl... love her even... I was OK with an open relationship because I didn't want to lose her... but many times it did bother me... second reason... the lie... I really didn't care that she was with him... I don't get jealous of other guys... what killed me is that she said she was going to stay home and then I see her I na hotel at 1.30 am...

I can't forget the feeling that I felt when I saw her entering the hotel at 1.30 am and knowing she is here to see him and go to his room...

Its different SAYING your OK with an open relationship... but when you actually SEE the girl with another guy, that's what counts! And I couldn't handle it

Anyway... I was great to the girl... didnt pressure her into having sex... treated her like a queen... was always there for her... probably gave her more than she deserved for her birthday...

So we'll see what she has to say IF she calls tmrw or ever... if not, I really have no regrets... I gave my best to this girl... I waited for her, etc... if she wants to be serious, she knows my number... but until then, I can't handle being lied to or sharing her with someone

[TrueFaith]

Duuuude

Finally!

Yeah really who goes to end something at 1.30am! HA!

I really hope you don't take her back man.
I really really hope this is the end.
It sounds like it.l
As you have just now said everything that we have all been telling you. Over the past.. 5 months.


Good! Now I'm happy :) I had a real bad day today
But after reading this. I'm all kinds of happy!

Good for you Tab!
May you stay strong
And find a girl that is WORTH spending your time with. And makes you feel special in everyway! And 2nd best to no one!

And loves you if you have 1 coin on you.
Or 30billion.

And

(((cant forget the feeling that I felt when I saw her entering the hotel at 1.30 am and knowing she is here to see him and go to his room... )))

Yeah that kind of sinking feeling in your belly. And then your heart races. It feels like its going to jump right out of your chest..

Yeah that's you feeling used and betrayed. I have been there before
And there is nothing more anoying than people lying to others!
Or to themselves

All the best tab

[tabbarat]

Thanks for the words of encouragement.. appreciate it

Yeah... I didn't believe that she was going to end it at 1.30 am either

I think she was shocked that I caught her red handed, panicked, and said that she was going to end it

I'm sure she knew from the day that she was going to see him at night, and that is why she said no to dinner with me

Anyway, maybe she is lying, maybe she is not, maybe she did really go to end it... but I like this feeling of not caring anymore

She probabaly feels like crap that she got caught in the lie.. and that she hurt me...

Maybe that will be enough for her to realize that she wants to be with me and stop with the games...

If not, then it wasn't meant to be... itsa shame.. I really know that we can be great together...

What's funny is that things probably would have stayed the same if she didn't lie... but she did lie... and I hate being lied to... from anyone

Going to his hotel to end it at 1.30 am! What the fcuk... and even if that was true... it takes 3 hours to end it? Whatever... anyway, she knows my number if she changes her mind... until then... good riddens,, going to channel my anger and go out and party and get laid and have threesomes, like the old tabbarat...

[face_reality]

this is all interesting, but listen to what finally happened:

I ENDED IT

i saw her today, and we had a nice time, we had the usual kissing and making out, etc. then i askd her what she was gonna do and if she wanted to have dinner. she said she didnt want to bc she had to sleep early for a meeting tmrw...mind u this was at 12.00 am...so i said ok, sleep well, etc.

at 1.30 am, im in a hotel lobby with some friends, going to have a drink...i see her walking in from far...i call her mobile, she doesnt answer...i message saying "what are u doing in Manzil hotel?"...she calls back and tells me that she came here to see the watch guy to end it with him

so i said "what u think i was born yesterday? i know why u came here"

she kept saying that if she wanted to lie to me she would have said that she was here to see someone else, but that she is telling me the truth by saying she is here to see him

i told her ok, i understand ur here to see him, but i dont believe ur here to end it! who the fcuk ends things at 1.30 am and u come to his hotel? have u ever heard of a phone, or ending it in the day

she said that he was travelling the next day early morning, and he wanted to see her, so she felt that she had to end it face to face

i told her i didnt believe her...she started begging me to believe her...bla bla bla...she said that she will call me tmrw (we spent 30 mins on the phone-she left him to talk to me)...i told her not to bother...she said "u know what, if u believe me or not, that is ur choice"...we hung up...

i started thinking on the ride back home...should i give her the benefit of the doubt or not...she sounded honest and was begging me to believe her...is there a small chance she really was there to end it?

so i decided to go to her house and wait for her and talk to her...it became 5 am and she still didnt come home...so either the guy is fcuking her brains out, or she really takes her time ending it with guys

so i sent her a message saying that "for a while, i really started to believe you, and was waiting for u at ur house bc i felt like seeing u...but its 5am and ur still not here...so i guess i was right in not believeing u"...then i wrote this whole thing about how i hope one day she will realize how much i care about her etc, and i hope one day she will wake up and realize we are great together and stop the games, etc...but that for now, i can't handle sharing her with anyone...i have to stop pretending that im ok having some other guy touch her...i tell her that i love her,and if i did, then i wouldnt be able to be ok with sharing her...i wished her the best and told her that i will miss all the good times, and to take care of herself...

i sent this message at 5am...its now 7 am dubai time and no reply...so either she is thinking it over and doesnt know what to say, or she is asleep at his hotel room...

either way, i feel like i a huge burden was lifted

many of u are wondering why i got angry if it was an open relationship...2 reasons: i really like the girl...love her even...i was ok with an open relationship bc i didnt want to lose her...but many times it did bother me....second reason...the lie...i really didnt care that she was with him...i dont get jealous of other guys...what killed me is that she said she was gonna stay home and then i see her i na hotel at 1.30 am...

i can't forget the feeling that i felt when i saw her entering the hotel at 1.30 am and knowing she is here to see him and go to his room...

its different SAYING ur ok with an open relationship...but when u actually SEE the girl with another guy, thats what counts! and i couldnt handle it

anyway...i was great to the girl...didnt pressure her into having sex...treated her like a queen...was always there for her...probably gave her more than she deserved for her bday...

so we'll see what she has to say IF she calls tmrw or ever...if not, i really have no regrets...i gave my best to this girl...i waited for her, etc...if she wants to be serious, she knows my number....but until then, i can't handle being lied to or sharing her with someone

Dude, you just don't get it. You just love taking a beating from this girl. You're not done, if she comes back, you will go right back for more beating. I really don't feel bad for people like you. You are doing the samething over and over, you just don't learn.

[tabbarat]

I don't get it? I finally tell her that I'm sick of sharing her and playing games and to take care and goodbye...

What else could I have said?

If she calls.. its simple: u ready for smthg serious or exclusive relationship? Because I'm sick of open relationships and I don't like being lied to... seeing you entering the hotel at 1.30 am made me realize that and woke me up... if yes, lets take it slow and we'll see

If no, or has some excuse, I'll say we have nothing to talk about

Good step!

U know, a part of me was thinking "u have great sex with this girl...true she lied to u...but u guys really like each other and have good sex..and it IS an open relationship...just let it pass"

I was thinking of just telling her, "u know what, forget it...good luck ending it...call me tmrw" and then back to the cycle

But maybe seeing her in the hotel at 1.30 going to his room was a sign from the heavens telling me to wake the fcuk up!

[face_reality]

i dont get it? i finally tell her that im sick of sharing her and playing games and to take care and goodbye...

what else could i have said?

if she calls..its simple: u ready for smthg serious or exclusive relationship? bc im sick of open relationships and i dont like being lied to...seeing u entering the hotel at 1.30 am made me realize that and woke me up...if yes, lets take it slow and we'll see

if no, or has some excuse, i'll say we have nothing to talk about

good step!

u know, a part of me was thinking "u have great sex with this girl...true she lied to u...but u guys really like each other and have good sex..and it IS an open relationship...just let it pass"

i was thinking of just telling her, "u know what, forget it...good luck ending it...call me tmrw" and then back to the cycle

but maybe seeing her in the hotel at 1.30 going to his room was a sign from the heavens telling me to wake the fcuk up!

This is not an open relationship, if it was anything she does would not have bothered you at all. The reality is, she just would not commit to you so you had to take whatever she gives you and you call it open relationship.

Now listen to me...

If she calls or text don't respond at all. The only way to take her back is if she calls you 10 times and started banging in your door begging to take her back. If that happens, you have a chance. Until then stay away.

[talaniman]

Just end this farce in your own mind, and get back to reality. If you want drama, and intrigue, turn on the TV, if you want good sex, a nice tamale.

This is a game, and she is a playa, a good one. You can't win. Going back you lose.

[asking]

I think it's weird that people here continue to act as if tabbarat has been faithful as a dog to this woman and she's done this terrible thing, when he's been sleeping around continuously throughout their relationship. He was neither being totally open about it, nor sparing her knowing about it, but instead keeping her wondering all the time. That's a sick game.

He's angry now because she (finally) appears to be doing the same thing he's been doing. He was fine if the relationship was "open" for him but not her. He was fine if the relationship was open but she didn't ever act on it. But it's not fine if it's actually open for her too. It's not that he can't handle the openness when it's in his face, it's that he can't handle it when SHE is doing what he does. His double standard is totally transparent. And there's no evidence that it's "different when she does it."

I would not commit to a guy who was sleeping with a new girl every week no matter what he said. On top of that, even when she's been totally honest, t has never taken her at her word, but was always wondering in his heart if he was somehow being taken advantage of. I think if indeed she did sleep with this guy, which we still don't know (it IS possible to spend a lot of time breaking up with someone), then tabbarat's own games contributed to it. A case of self-fulfilling prophecy. I don't think he's been honest with her, so it doesn't surprise me that she lied to him, too.

Time to break up. Enough drama.

[TrueFaith]

I agree with you asking

The thing that makes me happy is he is finally ending the insanenuss :)

[hjpan]

i agree with you asking

the thing that makes me happy is he is finaly ending the insanenuss :)

But then again..

He can simply let himself sink in the quicksand

[TrueFaith]

Maybe.. but lets hope not]

Maybe we can finally put the thread to bed.
And have him open up another

More along the lines of..

Oh my god I met this awesome chick!
We are getting married in mexico!

Now that would be fun :)