[Bonita--]

It was both, slow then fast. We just tried again and AGAIN he lost his erection in less than 5 minutes. I pretty much give up:( This is too frustrating. We tried so much for him to stay hard and it doesn't work.

[smoothy]

OK... that gives us a lot more info to work with. My point being most guys will get off in 5 minutes if they went at it like a jackhammer. But most guys won't if they pace themselves.

Any guy is going to go soft after he gets off. That's normal, how long before getting it up again varies guy to guy.

That's different than not being able to keep it up for 5 minutes before losing it if he Doesn't get off. If that's the case he needs to see a physician. If it's the former he needs to change his focus off you and what's he's feeling to stretch that out to last longer.

Like was mentioned, if he can't do that, and its possible he can't. Try condoms or desensitization crème or spay on his weiner.

[adam_89]

Hey! I was wondering if he went at it fast or not as well? If he would pace himself, he could last a lot longer. Maybe if he switched positions every 5 minutes that would help. Or if he got close to getting off, he could hold back and switch positions then. I use to be the same way, but I was lasting 15-20 minutes, and my girlfriend would be dissapointed, so I tried switching it up when I got close. Do you two try a lot of different positions or are you to limited on time? I also tried thinking about baseball or something to not focus on getting off so much. It kind of made me last longer. Now, when I have sex and I'm in no hurry, I can last anywhere from 2-4 hours. I'm only 19, so it shouldn't take him to longer. If none of that works, then maybe he should see a physician. I also have had the problem of staying hard, but it was because I hadn't had sex for so long and I got over-excited. Hope this helps

[headraccoon]

I could always last longer if I had a few drinks before sex. Seems like that Jack Daniels would just block my sperm duct.

At 19 you got plenty of time to practice, practice, practice. I bet you get it right one of these times.

Headraccoon

[Bonita--]

He loses his erection before he orgasms. When he did it this morning he said it was because he has a lot on his mind. He's been fighting with his parents a lot recently over money, so I guess that's what's causing it. I feel bad because if that's what it is then it's not his fault but I can't help but be disappointed. We had a huge fight over it this morning and we decided to put off sex for awhile, until things get better for him.

One thing that bothers me a lot about this is that about a month before he and I got together he had sex with another girl. He admitted to me that he used her because he had no one at the time, he says he regrets it but it was still a bad thing to do and it's not like him to do that. He told me that while having sex with her he couldn't orgasm because it didn't feel good to be having sex with her. But it makes me think why can he last longer with a girl he's using and with me he can't last longer than 5 minutes? I know this is a bit off topic but it's really been bothering me.

[adam_89]

I'm sorry. That is strange that he would be like that. I just feel really bad for you. I guess you are not reading my posts because you have said nothing back to me, so I guess I will tell you now that I am drunk. Was not when I wrote the other messages. I guess it doesn't matter though since you don't read them. But he doesn't deserve a girl like you. You seem perfect, and he is ruining that. I think he will out grow it though. I mean I am 19 and can last for hours, so I think he should be able to eventually.

[Bonita--]

Sorry if I offended you by not replying. For your first question he goes slow then fast, but if we switch positions he loses his erection and then it's done he can't get it back. I told him to think about other things but he says that will make him go soft. When he orgasms fast he says that it's because it feels too good having sex with me, but obviously he's going to say that. It's confusing because I have 2 problems here. He either orgasms fast or can't stay hard, each time we try to have sex one of those things happens. As for drinking, knowing him I'm sure that will make him lose his erection even faster. You're right though, eventually he should be able to do it, and if he can't then I'm going to ask him to see a doctor about it.

[smoothy]

Sorry if I offended you by not replying. For your first question he goes slow then fast, but if we switch positions he loses his erection and then it's done he can't get it back. I told him to think about other things but he says that will make him go soft. When he orgasms fast he says that it's because it feels too good having sex with me, but obviously he's going to say that. It's confusing because I have 2 problems here. He either orgasms fast or can't stay hard, each time we try to have sex one of those things happens. As for drinking, knowing him I'm sure that will make him lose his erection even faster. You're right though, eventually he should be able to do it, and if he can't then I'm going to ask him to see a doctor about it.

Alcohol will impair any mans ability to perfom... it will only make them THINK they are doing better.

Here's a question. Did his "problem" start with the fighting with his parents... or does he not know because he wasn't active with anyone before?

Stress can cause all sorts of issues but somehow I'm thinking maybe that's not the root of his problem.

[fjsmith81]

But it makes me think why can he last longer with a girl hes using and with me he can't last longer than 5 minutes? I know this is a bit off topic but it's really been bothering me.

Like I said prior, take it as a compliment. He was probably so turned off by the girl that he just couldn't reach that point of orgasm. Think about it, if he reaches it in five minutes then maybe he is so turned on by you that he has to orgasm. He is young and young men tend to ejaculate quickly. I have had this same problem when I was younger, and I thought that I was so hideous and that my boyfriend didn't love me and that he wasn't sexually attracted to me. Then one day we sat down and had a serious conversation about his problem. He explained to me that he got so excited when he was with me. It was not something that was fixed over night. You really do need to give it some time. Stop worrying about it. If he really doesn't want to have sex with you, you will know it. From what it sounds like you do it for him.
Remember sex is more than just the penetration aspect of it. It is about foreplay and intimacy. Penetration is usually the icing on the cake.

Good luck

[adam_89]

Well, I'm sorry to point out that you hadn't responded to me, but thank you for finally doing so. I think you have things pretty much worked out now. Don't you? You have the answers you were looking for? I would say send him to a doctor like you are thinking about.

[MRbig]

I wouldn't be worried about this at all. As your relationship develops, and as your trust and intimacy develops, so will your sexual experiences. Once he see's that he has nothing to fear from you, it'll make him be able to perform a lot more naturally.

[Bonita--]

To smoothy, The problem started a month ago when we first tried having sex. He told me back then that he couldn't stay hard because he thought he wasn't doing it good enough for me. I guess that could partly be my fault because when we tried the first 3-4 times and he orgamed fast I got mad at him. I've begged him to be honest with me about what's causing this and he swears he's not lying, I guess in time I'll see if he's lying or not.

To fjsmith81, I try to take it as a compliment but its hard for me to understand. Before my boyfriend I only had sex with my ex and he never had this problem so I was confused why this was happening. I asked a couple of my close guy friends and they also told me that it's a good thing if he orgasms fast because it means he's very attracted to me, so you're right:) I never really thought he wasn't attracted to me because he gets hard from hugging me lol but this did put a few doubts into my head.

To adam_89, yes I have receieved a lot of responses that helped me. I just have to give it time now and see how things go.

To everyone else, thank you for all the advice and suggestions. This is the first time I've had a problem like this and now that I understand it a bit more it's not bothering me so much. I love my boyfriend and I know that we'll be together for a long time, so we have lots of time to work on it:)

[jrwild62]

My boyfriend and I have been together since April 2008. We tried having sex together for our first time in the beginning of August. Neither of us were virgins, but it had been a long time since either of us had sex. He came within 10 seconds the first time we tried. After that we tried 3 or 4 more times and everytime he came within 5 minutes. We tried again about a week later but this time he couldn't stay hard. He said it was because he thinks he can't satisfy me and it makes him go soft. We fought for a long time about this because I didn't really understand it. He never has trouble getting hard, it's just staying hard during sex. I was wondering if this is something all guys experience? I've never experienced this problem in the past.

Tell him to start drinking... Smoke a fat one, whatever.

[adam_89]

Not cool man!

[smoothy]

Tell him to start drinking....... Smoke a fat one, whatever.

Bad.. baaaaaaad advice. That will take it from an erectile malfunction and premature ejaculation to a non-functional willy problem.

Booze and illicit drugs only create more problems... they don't solve any.

[jrwild62]

Bad..baaaaaaad advice. That will take it from an erectile malfunction and premature ejaculation to a non-functional willy problem.

Booze and illicit drugs only create more problems...they don't solve any.

That was being sarcastic, sorry.

[smoothy]

That was being sarcastic, sorry.

No sweat... its hard to tell sometimes. With different people on a different thread we actually had a heated discussion where some people really did believe those were good things. Glad that's clarified.

[stayathomedad11]

As a man of 40, I have been able to go as long as 30+ minutes, and I have been able to do this for years. There must be something physically wrong with him or he may be gay. I am not here to say anything wrong about someone I don't know, I am only speaking from personal experience. But I am guessing about the gay status. I have only been unable to get it up when it is too hot in the room or she wants to do it back to back. He should see a doctor to eliminate the factors.

[jrwild62]

My previous crack about drinking was sarcasitic,, however, in moderation, it does prolong the experience. This guy needs a starting point. It's all in your head. It WILL improve with age and experience. Actually, the premature thing can be a compliment,, Baby, you turn me on soooo much... But what does that do for the female who lies there panting?

[Ash123]

As a man of 40, I have been able to go as long as 30+ minutes, and I have been able to do this for years. There must be something physically wrong with him or he may be gay. I am not here to say anything wrong about someone I don't know, I am only speaking from personal experience. But I am guessing about the gay status. I have only been unable to get it up when it is too hot in the room or she wants to do it back to back. He should see a doctor to eliminate the factors.

This is a bit silly.

He's a kid. He's not 40. There is nothing wrong with him - except he's full of raging hormones and also a bit insecure about his performance.