[startover22]

Isabelle? I am surely not with my children 24/7. I am also not against safety. I am against giving into children and letting them have whatever they want. I am against kids that run around with needless things with "pretend" reasons for them. We let them have grown up things to fast, they become grown ups too fast... you see? There is no working towards anything... they can have it when they are 8. I don't see a need to have my daughter take a cell phone to her friends. I do see my daughter taking one when we are at the mall together and she wants to go into a store with her friends and I want to go into a different one. I am sorry you took me the wrong way.

Erin, you are doing fine, and you keep him safe and sound. I admit that things are different and harder for kids, but that is what we are here for. ;)

[NowWhat]

Start, you brought up some valid points. As parents, do we give in too much? By getting my 8 year old a cell phone - what message is that sending her? I don't know. I have been battling this one. Not sure what the right decision is. I hate the thought of her disappointed on her b-day. But is giving in the right thing to do? I mean, if she got one - she can only call the police, me or my husband. So what do I do?

I know - this is totally off topic! Sorry. :)

[startover22]

Well, it is a little off topic, but in the same light as helping your kids grow up and make good choices. My daughter wants a phone so bad, she can taste it... so I give her one? No way, when we really know she needs it, when she can't call us and she needs to, she still borrows mine and that is the way it will be. Sheesh, buying her first bra was an even between her and I. I made sure she needed one and not just wanted one. And yes, I had funny tears after. I just think that there was a certain time for things, and parents now a days find a reason to give their kids what they want earlier because they have a promblem with either "keeping up with the jones'" or "not being able to say no". Granted there are many kids that could use a cell phone, for instance if they have to walk home from school alone, or things like that.

It just comes down to this, you give and you give and you give... are they thankful when you give?

[erin7799]

We never had cell phones when we were kids and we've all lived to tell about it. :) But now that we have them, it's a real convenience thing. I know it's great for me to hand my son my phone and call him wherever he's at. He's never far but if I need to ask him a ? Or tell him to come home, I'd have to load up the baby in the stroller and walk to find him. This way, I don't have to do all of that and it's nice. AND if ever there's a problem he'll have my phone to call. I don't let him have his own phone, but he uses mine. He won't have his OWN phone until he has a job and can pay the bill. :) Til then its moms phone and ONLY when he is out playing.

[NowWhat]

Gosh, I just don't know what to do. I have been so conflicted about all of this.

There has been times where it would have been great if she had one. But, if I am being completely honest, the majority of the time - she doesn't need one.

Her b-day is in about three weeks. She first wanted a nintendo ds. Which those things are so expensive. I kind of fought that. Now, she wants to save her money to get one. Fine with me! But - now she wants a cell phone. And that is all she talks about. When we found out we could get one for free , etc. we thought "maybe".

I just don't know what to do.

[startover22]

The companies make it so easy, and they find really good reasons for getting your child a phone. We buy into it all!
I am not saying don't or do. I am saying I won't because I feel as if 11 is too young. My daughters friends come over with their cell phones... I love my daughter and want her to be happy, but I want her to know there is a certain time when she gets that, and not until then. I want her to know she can get a dang job and get her own car, just like I did, and I want her to be able to handle things "in reality" not just through a virtual world, like it is becoming. So many people in this era are going to crash real hard, when the slap of reality comes through. I want my daughter if ever in a position without a phone to be able to handle it properly! I want her to know what to do in an emergency.

My oldest boys parent told me her friends daughters texting was at 15,000min. For the month!! I said, WHAT IN THE HELL? She said no, its OK, its summer, she is fine. I
Said, "I don't think so, that is proof she never stepped a foot outside, nor did she TALK with her voice to anyone. She TEXTED it. Holy crap, can you believe it?

[asking]

I'll be the big, mean mom and not care! lol

I've always told myself and my kids that it is my job as mom to be the bad guy. It's my job to say no to things. I take that part of my job pretty seriously, though sometimes it is hard! I think your son asked you -- in part -- because he needed for you to say no.

Also, I want to say that he is under your supervision at this age, so not much could happen that wouldn't be pretty innocent. Still, he needs to hear what your expectations are--that's what he was asking. I realize you've already dealt with this, but I would just say something like, "Be friends. You aren't old enough to have a girlfriend in the sense of someone you might someday marry. If you still like her when you are 16 or 17, let me know."

[liz28]

My daughter has a cell phone due to her taking the school bus. She only uses it for that purpose only and I see nothing wrong with it. Once she return home the phone is off and during the weekends and summer she don't have it. There been too many incidents of the bus and this way I am aware of anything. When she gets to school, on her way home, if she's delayed getting home, etc. There been many of times she suppose to be home at 5pm and don't get home until 6:30, I get scare and think the worse and call the bus company, police station because I afraid the bus was in an accident.

[startover22]

My daughter has a cell phone due to her taking the school bus. She only uses it for that purpose only and I see nothing wrong with it. Once she return home the phone is off and during the weekends and summer she don't have it. There been too many incidents of the bus and this way I am aware of anything. When she gets to school, on her way home, if she's delayed getting home, etc. There been many of times she suppose to be home at 5pm and don't get home until 6:30, I get scare and think the worse and call the bus company, police station because I afraid the bus was in an accident.

This is totally reasonable. And this is why we are thankful to have that convenience! ;)

[erin7799]

Ok well update on the girlfriend thing... As it turns out the 11 yr old girl my son had a crush on already "broke his heart" when he came home from a sleepover w/ his cousin and she had asked one of his best friends to be her boyfriend. Lol I tried to tell him girls that age will be in love w/ you one minute and despise you the next. Its just the way it is. But, he was really angry and hurt. He said about how nice he thought she was and his feelings were hurt! So then I had to deal w/ the anger issue. Lol Wow. If it isn't one thing it's another, huh?

[startover22]

Aww, gosh, I know that story;)
Poor guy!

[isabelle]

OK I don't like to get off topic but this has got to be addressed.
I gave my child a cell phone. She didn't ask me for one. She never mentioned it. It was my idea. I think she needs one.
She never asked me for a helmet for riding her bike but I bought her one.She never asked for a lot of things that I have bought for her because I felt it would make her safer.
I don't know how giving a child a cell phone became twisted into a child being a spoiled brat and always getting what they ask for? How does owning a cell phone, make them never know how to work or wait for something?
I did not buy the nicest phone they sell. I bought her what she needed.. a way to stay in touch with me, a way that I thought would keep her safer. Most of the time I have to make sure she has the phone with her and have at times turned around and gone back home to get her phone.
This is what I was talking about. PEER PRESSURE. Now I have parents telling me how wrong I was to buy my child a cell phone and how I could do things differently.
I decided to buy this phone. It was never asked for.. it wasn't a gift... it wasn't giving in to begging or whining.
I did what I felt like was best for my child. For the parents who do not agree with me.. don't buy a phone. I would also ask... do not judge some one else.

If parents were more supportive of each other maybe children would be more supportive of each other as well. When adults can not agree on a simple a thing as cell phone then we are in trouble. I think I did the right thing for my child and for her safety. I think that the things that have been said on this board have been said when children can hear them. That only makes the problem bigger.
I will make my child as safe as I can. I am not trying to make her into a small adult.
This is not meant to hurt anyone's feelings, because I did not read every post. This is only me doing what I think is right for my child. I do not think there is a universal answer but each case must be evaluated for each child's needs.


Erin I want to mostly apologize to you. I never meant to over shadow the boyfriend.. girlfriend thing with multiple posts about a cell phone.
I am sorry your son has hurt feeling but tell him one day the girls will stand in line to talk to him.
Kids are kids and you are right.. they really don't know what dating or going together means. Wait until they are about 18, then our hair will be grey. As for this first time crush thing... I think you did a great job.

[isabelle]

Startover I don't think I misunderstood you at all. You are implying that I am raising a spoiled brat because I decide that she needs a cell phone.
You have jumped to every wrong conclusion that I can think of.

I think that you and I are miles apart in our circumstances and you are judging my actions by your life experiences.

[startover22]

My opinion... not a judge. I don't mind if you buy a cell for your child. I don't mind if anyone does, I just won't until it is time.;)

[isabelle]

I suppose back peddling and wink is as close as I will get for an apology. ;)
What you posted was not posted as an opinion. ;)

[arora1998]

Oh I don't know what to do! My 8 yr. old son came to me the other night and asked if he could tell me something personal. I said Absolutely! He told me that he thought his friends sister liked him. Because she told him that she did. She is 11. I asked him if she said that she "liked him" or did she mean that she "liked him, liked him." lol I know. I felt stupid even saying it like that! And he said..."Likes Me, Likes Me!" He is so worried about this. He really has a crush on this girl and he wants to know if it's ok to ask her to be his girlfriend. I asked him what he thought it meant for her to be his girlfriend and he said that they would just "hang out" and "stuff". So I asked him what it is that they do now? And he said..."hang out" I asked him why he thought that she had to be his girlfriend in order for them to hang out? Then he told me how cool he thought it would be if they get married because then his best friend would be his ... "Step-Brother" ! LOL Yes, he said step-brother. I corrected him, though. :) Oh gotta love kids. Anyway, what do I do about this? Do I just let it run it's course and allow them to be "b-friend and g-friend"? Is this just a cute first crush, puppy love thing? I mean, he's ONLY 8! He'll be 9 in October. And she's 11 like I said. I don't know what to think of all of this. I am totally stumped. I knew this day would come but not at 8 yrs old!! HELP ME before I lose my mind! My brothers and I weren't interested in dating until we were 11. At least that's when we asked people to school dances and stuff. That's when I had my first "boyfriend". But he was 13. NOT 8! What do I do??? :confused:

You shuld tell him that you are too young for this kind of stuff, Talking to someone nicely creates friendship but talking to them too nicely creates love, so tell him straight do not do that or go to the girl and tell her

[startover22]

You know Isabell, enough hurting this thread... if you want to say something, PM me...
My intentions were NOT to hurt you or anyone else, I suppose I have a strong opinion about this subject, that does not mean I judge every child with one!

[startover22]

Erin, I apologize for turning this thread around.
I hope he is fine today;)

[erin7799]

Lol That's OK guys :) It happens a lot on other posts, too. Yeah, the whole b/f & g/f thing just threw me off. My baby is looking at another little girl thinking that he wants her to be his girlfriend! It broke my heart! The day has come when my little boy has eyes for someone other than his "mommy" :( I knew this day would come but just not at 8 yrs. Old. But she's moved on. Lol So I didn't have to worry about it for too long :) That was God's intervention! Lol

[erin7799]

AND... I understand why he likes her so much... She reminds me of exactly how I was when I was her age! I even told him that before. She's a little mother hen. She takes care of all of the boys, makes sure everyone's OK... She is JUST like me. I didn't want to remind him of that, but then again, maybe I should have so he would change his mind about her! Lol