[miek]

Well I'm 20 years old, my girlfriend is 22 and we've been dating since we were in high school. Ive been with her 4 years but on and off, which actually is equal to about 2 years or so. All the time we were together we would always fight for stupid things and break up. I loved her a lot and I did everything possible to be with her again. I would break up with her and I missed her a lot, but then I was with her and we just had too many problems. Then we would end up back together like 2 or 3 months later then we would break up again 2 months later. And aging she would look for me or I would look for her because we couldn't be without each other. It has been like this all this time. We would have sex like only 3 times a month, but it was no problem for me since I think I love her very much and after 4 years on and off we have been together for a record in our relationship 7 months without fighting or anything.in fact it went so far that I don't even talk that much with my friends because I spend all the time giving all the attention to her and I use to be known as a partyboy.

The problem now is that all this time I haven't had a fight with her because well we never go out, when we do, we just fight because I drank too many beers or because I dance funny or whatever, so I rather stay home with her. Then we can't go to the movies because all she wants to see is chic flicks. I mean, I have no problem with those movies but I think its only fair that she could choose one time and then I can choose the next. But sadly we can never work it out and we just fight. Again we stay at my house and watch TV all day. I can't give my opinion for certain things because I'm always wrong and she's always right. By now I'm just tired of all this, and just don't care anymore. I mean she comes to my house everyday we makeout she gives me a handjob almost everyday and then she leaves. At night I don't see her because she works, and in the day well I'm at school.
I actually don't see the point in this relationship because I almost never see her and I don't miss her a bit. When I see her well I know that I'm at least getting a hand job so I just go with the flow. When she talks she anoys me a lot. When she calls me I can only stand to talk like 10 minutes with her unless I need advice on something or if I get bored. I know she is really in love with me because she is saving money so that one day we can have this big wedding, she brings lunch to my house, and well she's always saying how much she loves me.

Here's the big problem. She already wants to get married, and like I said before I think I love her but I'm not sure anymore because of all this that's happening lately. My mom says she would make a perfect wife, she already is saving for the kids, for a house, she knows how to cook really awesome, she already makes 50 dollars an hour as a speech therapist, and well she gets along with my sisters and my mom really great. I love the idea of all that, and I really don't know if another girl like this is going to come along, but in the end none of this matters since I don't even know if I love her anymore and the hardest part is that I always say yes to everything. She wants to move in together next year and I said yes. She's really excited and now I don't know what to do.

[pinkcelly123]

I don't think you guys should move in Together just yet... I think you shouldn't let her come over as much it seems like you love her but your seeing way too much of her and your doing the same things with her it would make anyone feel crazy.. you should tell her your busy a couple of time just to see if you really will miss her and if she starts to worry tell the truth your getting tired of the same old things and its not helping how you feel about her.. I think you still Love her you just need some time away fro her to appreciate her and when you do see her regularly the scenery should change.. If she loves you she will worry about your sudden urge to not see her everyday and try to find out what's wrong.. you could say I want to do something else without use fighting like bowling!

[kolkay]

This sounds like a tough relationship and situation, but I agree with pinkcelly that you two shouldn't move in together. When people date through high school, they think they really know each other, but a person grows and changes so much after that, that they might not really love a person anymore. And I do agree that you should take some time apart. Although you've dated on and off, you need to really see if you love her and her the same. When you're not dating and you miss her, what exactly do you miss about her? What don't you miss? And TALK TO HER about how you are feeling about you relationship! It's great that she gets along with your family, but if you don't honestly love her, you can't keep her around with high hopes just for that reason. Figure out why you really really love her, and talk to her about the things that annoy you about her. If she loves you, and they are easy to change, she will make the effort.

[Blister_in_Sun]

I was in a similar situation 6 years ago. I was together with a wonderful girl, beautiful, well connected to my family and she really wanted to settle down with me. Even though I loved her, I now realise I did not love her enough at that time. I wanted to go out and party, date other girls and discover the world. However, at that time I thought she was the best I could get and that I would never meet anyone better. Especially my family reminded me the whole time about how wonderful she was.

After two years of struggling, the pain to stay in that relationship at all cost just got too much and I broke up. Lots of drama. But it was the right choice. I discovered the world, played the field and after a while met the woman of my dreams. Looking back, breaking up was the best decision I made, for me and for her. You can only try as hard, certainly after all these years.

Reading your text implies that you already made the decision in your head. You are still very young. Do yourself and her a favour and do not waste each others time anymore...

[Merris]

I can speak from experience that a big part of the problem is your age difference. Because she is older she is taking a more dominant and controlling role. And I have to warn you that once the roles are established, they only get worst in marriage. She sounds like a great person, but she is forgetting that you have feelings and needs too. It isn't fair to always dominate which movie you see or every action of the person closest to you and that's true no matter if you are male or female. I think it would help to just be honest with her and tell her tactfully that her controlling behavior is pushing you away and making you unhappy.

In order to make a relationship work, both parties have to consider the happiness of the other. The irony is that fear of losing the relationship is spurring the controlling behavior which is actually what is pushing you away. Let her know this. I have been guilty of this at times, too. My brother is with a girl like this. She called three times when he was hanging out with ME his own sister! It's ridiculous and you need to just tell her you won't put up with it. You will be doing yourself a favor and her a favor too because she probably doesn't realize how detrimental her behavior is. If you couple this with reassurance that you want to make the relationship work and that you do care deeply about her (and do so only if this is honestly the case) it will give her the extra security she needs to make changes to improve the relationship. Moving slowly and building up trust really helps.

As for movies, if she absolutely refuses to see an action flick, make a date with a male buddy to go see it - and no you shouldn't need her permission! If there is a chick flick you'd like to skip encourage her to see it with a friend. It's healthier for the two of you to have your own interests.

[hjpan]

Go read the book "Getting to 'I Do' "

[ConfusedInAK]

If you can't even stand to be around the person you don't know whether you love but you think you do but you think you don't...

Then you probably don't.

Now if this post said I really love my girlfriend BUT I don't know how to handle the following... I would believe you love her.

Your post says:
"I dont know if i love my girlfriend of 4 years anymore?"
"I loved her alot...."
"I actually dont see the point in this relationship..."
"....and i don't miss her a bit"
"...i think i love her but im not sure anymore"

You already spoke in past tense and your relationship isn't even over yet...

[chrispbeatz]

That's a great woman! She's obviously independent and doesn't depend on a man, and already has an idea of what she wants in life. I personally am going through the same thing but vice versa. My girlfriend is a model and is truly a perfect 10, I always get compliments from other people. I've been living with this girl for 3 years now and the last 6 months have been a bit rocky, fighting over dumb things and yes, I'm always wrong and she's always right. We also had a conversation about our future like getting married and having kids and it turned out that we see things way too differently. I wish I had a beautiful woman in my life that's independent like that and would like to get married. I have a good idea about your situation, but have you thought about how she would feel if you broke her heart and basically mislead her? You don't have to say yes to everything just to make her feel better. In the back of her mind she's saving up money to marry you!