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fery321 · Aug 12, 2008, 11:34 AM

I've been with my boyfriend for 7 years and we've lived together for 2. We're both 26 years old and have good jobs although he makes more than me. We split the rent, bills and groceries 50/50 but when it comes to other things like going out to dinner, drinks or coffee and stuff I expect him to pay and he does most of the time (I pay sometimes) but he complains too much about it. He thinks we should take turns paying like his friend and his girlfriend do. Is he being cheap or do I expect too much from him? Sometimes when I go out with my friends I buy him things here and there... for no real occasion… Just because I enjoy doing it... but he never does that for me. He's never bought me anything just because... Is he cheap? My mom's always told me not to get married to a cheap man because he'll make my life miserable! What do you think? Please help!

liz28 · Aug 12, 2008, 12:56 PM

I don't see anything wrong with the female paying sometimes. For example, sometimes when me and my boyfriend goes to the movies he will purchase the tickets while I buy the popcorn, and usually we equally wind up spending the same amount of money because NY is expensive. This is not something that happens on the regular but it happens sometimes and I don't mind it. On the flipside if it's bothers you then maybe you should rethink being with him.

N0help4u · Aug 12, 2008, 01:01 PM

Maybe cheap. Pretty much stingy.

smearcase · Aug 12, 2008, 01:04 PM

I agree with your mother. Talk to hiim about it. If nothing changes, it will certainly get worse.

lmangileri · Aug 12, 2008, 01:13 PM

Not only is he being stingy, it sounds like he really feels the need to keep track of who pays for what. Sounds like he's obsessed with money.

N0help4u · Aug 12, 2008, 01:26 PM

Originally Posted by lmangileri

Not only is he being stingy, it sounds like he really feels the need to keep track of who pays for what. Sounds like he's obsessed with money.

Yeah I know that kind and they get crazy if you owe them a single dime they won't let it go until you pay them up.

Smoked · Aug 12, 2008, 01:38 PM

Break it down a little further... You say you guys pay 50/50 for everything. You set the stage for the relationship. If you define your relationship 50/50 and then he feels like he is putting in more then he is getting in return this could be an issue. Obviously right?

This might not just be a money issue. He might feel like he is putting more into the relationship then he is getting back out. You might think about just talking to him about it. More likely then not, its not a matter of cheap, more then some other issue manifested in this "cheap" attitude..

fery321 · Aug 12, 2008, 02:41 PM

Thank you for all your reponses.
I have talked to him about it and he says since we both make money we should take turns to pay for things. He says "we're not in highschool anymore so you don't need to be taken care of"... I have been on my own since I was 18 years old and took care of myself and never asked him to pay my bills or buy me stuff!! So I don't know what he's talking about!! It's not that he won't pay for things. He does... but he makes me feel bad about it. I just think that if you're with a man for a long time he shouldn't think he's giving you a free ride by paying for your dinner every now and then!!

N0help4u · Aug 12, 2008, 02:46 PM

I agree with your mom you should find somebody that enjoys wining and dining you instead of acting like someone that has to hold every dime over your head.
Even most friends do not keep tab on who paid more, who gave more. True friends recognize give and take and aren't obsessed with keeping track

N0help4u · Aug 12, 2008, 07:49 PM

Also I know guys that will hold something over your head like my one friend
Supported her baby's dad when he was homeless and then when they broke up and he left he never even paid child support then one day he came by and painted her living room and held it over her head for over a year.

CFZD · Aug 14, 2008, 06:57 AM

I think he is cheap. Just my opinion, and he is probably an idiot too.

fery321 · Aug 14, 2008, 10:05 AM

Just to be clear, he does buy me birthday and christmas presents and maybe flowers 2-3 times a year!

flash84x · Aug 15, 2008, 01:15 AM

I guess the question is, how often do you guys go out places? It gets expensive paying for 2 people to go out to eat 3-4 times a week... if its 1-2 times a week then I usually have no problem paying but any more than that and it gets hard to stomach seeing so much money go towards dining expenses

My last relationship was pretty much 35/65 me being the 65