[GenomeX]

OK.. when I love someone, I know that I love them for them. I'd say that I'm a nice guy, with good moral values, etc, etc.

However recently I have noticed that I react differently to girls with money (with really rich parents). Like... its hard to explain it but I just want to love those type of girls (even if they have a bad personality or look ugly).. and the only thing that I think is the thing that makes we want to like them is their money.

Is there a way to make me stop having these feelings??

[NeedKarma]

Simple - you are superficial and don't plan to achieve your own independence.
Good luck with that!

[bizygurl]

Yeah stop going after their money. Make your own and pick the woman that you want to be with based on the person.. not material possessions. You get invoved with someone solely for money and not personality, what does that say about you as a person?

[fredg]

Hi,
Marriages are built on many things as a foundation. For some, it's love for each other, whether through "sickness or health", etc.
For others, it's based on other things, such as money, financial well-being. A much younger woman might marry a wealthy, much older man, to be financially well off, taking care of the older man; an arrangement in marriage that happens sometimes. Or, could be the other way around with a much older woman, marrying a much younger man, with money involved.
There is nothing wrong with arrangements such as this, if both partners know exactly why they are getting married.
You have to decide what you really want out of life. I've been married now for 29 yrs, and it wasn't for money. We are in love, and want to be with each other. Your decision may be based on something else; it's your choice. I do wish you the best.
I do disagree with the previous answer about "don't plan to achieve your own independence" (I changed the spelling of "independance") because many marry into money, use some of it for attending Universities or Colleges, or better themselves, so they can achieve their own personal goals. I have known a few married people like that, and it worked out fine for both of them. They are still married after many, many years. In one case, he is lawyer, and she became a Doctor, after they married.

[Krs]

Material things are not the things that will give u eternal happiness. Money is not true love. And as needkarma said its all superficial.
Material things i.e money come and go.
Grow up and be more independent not a puppy for money!

[milliec]

Sorry, but I have to relate to the thread title: loving someone, or loving the money?
I don't agree here with Fred, because I don't think the example he gave applies here. I have the feeling that you're a young guy and you haven't made up your mind yet about the nature of the relationship you'd like to have. Although there are cases where people get involved and /or get married because one of them is better off and the other more needy, these situations might work out well only when both parties are honest about it and know what's it all about. That's not the impression I got in this case. If one gets into such a relationship without putting all the cards on the table, at least one of them will end up miserably - they're heading for a life based on deception,I can't see any happy-end here.
Millie

[fredg]

HI,
Since you didn't mention your age in your question, I gave a general answer to marrying into money.
However, if you want to stop yourself from dating others who have rich parents, then just stop. It is normal to want money; that's why most people work for a living. There isn't anything wrong with hoping that someday, one might be in the same lifestyle as the "rich and famous". Your thoughts are normal about money, but if you think your thoughts are overtaking you, then just stop with asking those girls out.

[ScottGem]

One of the answers here raises an ethical question in my mind. It seems to me that marrying someone for their money violates the sanctity of marriage as described by Christianity (see:http://www.epc.org/documents/SanctityofMarriage.pdf). Clearly such a union would violate Christian tenents.

In addition, I don't see marriage as an "arrangement" but as a covenant between two people.

Therefore, it seems to me that marriage for money, especially if only one party was aware of it, would be unethical.

[talaniman]

You want to know how you can stop being attracted to women just for their money? Get a real woman who enriches your soul not your pockets!:cool: :)

[milliec]

Hi Talaniman
I have to express my appreciation for your entry in this way
Millie:)

[talaniman]

Thank you from the heart!:cool: :)

[phillysteakandcheese]

Sounds like a love of money, and I think you somehow associate that having a wife with rich parents will mean you will be rich too.

As an independent person capable of taking care of myself, I would not want my wife's parents – or even my own parents - to hand out money to me. Sure, everyone needs a little help once in awhile, and I plead guilty to using the “Bank Of Dad” once or twice for a loan.

As a parent, I also feel that my kids will need to be self-sufficient and live on their own. And I may become the “Bank of Dad” once in awhile, just like my Dad was.

So ---
If you marry my daughter thinking you'll get my money and you end up hurting her, let's just say you'll need money … for health care. ;)

[milliec]

We were helped by our parents, and we help our kids.
But they stand on their own feet and so did we.
Helping the children doesn't mean they don't have to provide for themselves, grow up and be independent
Millie

[fredg]

HI,
I am not trying to justify someone marrying strickly for money. I did not say that in any of my answers.
What I am saying is that in America, people do have "arrangements" in marriage, with many marriages being both for money and taking care of someone; give and take.
"Unethical" might be a word that these married couples do not agree with. I have not anywhere, mentioned a Christian marriage, to any extent. However, all marriages are not "Christian" marriages. The original question did not relate in any way to "Christians" or religion.

[ScottGem]

HI,
I am not trying to justify someone marrying strickly for money. I did not say that in any of my answers.
What I am saying is that in America, people do have "arrangements" in marriage, with many marriages being both for money and taking care of someone; give and take.
"Unethical" might be a word that these married couples do not agree with. I have not anywhere, mentioned a Christian marriage, to any extent. However, all marriages are not "Christian" marriages. The original question did not relate in any way to "Christians" or religion.

In your original answer you stated; "There is nothing wrong with arrangements such as this,". That certainly looks like you were justifying it.

You are correct that neither you or the original question mentioned Christian marriages. My point was that stating there was nothing wrong with such a marriage seemed to be counter to the Christian concept of "Sanctity of Marriage". Therefore, it would seem unusual for a devout Christian to say there was nothing wrong in it.

[fredg]

"My point was that stating there was nothing wrong with such a marriage seemed to be counter to the Christian concept of "Sanctity of Marriage"."
Did you see the word "arrangement"?? Guess not.

[NeedKarma]

"My point was that stating there was nothing wrong with such a marriage seemed to be counter to the Christian concept of "Sanctity of Marriage"."
Did you see the word "arrangement" ??? Guess not.

So you condone unmarried people living together where one is simply there for the other's money?

[ScottGem]

"My point was that stating there was nothing wrong with such a marriage seemed to be counter to the Christian concept of "Sanctity of Marriage"."
Did you see the word "arrangement" ??? Guess not.

Yes I did see the word "arrangement". How does that mitigate or change what I said.

Personally, I believe that marriage is a covenant between two people who feel so strongly about each other that they want to share their lives. If one of the parties feels more strongly about the other person's money then they do about the person, then, In my opinion, that violates that covenant. So I totally disagree with your statement that there is nothing wrong with such arrangements.

Furthermore, my second point was that given what the Bible and Christian religions have to say about marriage it was unChristian to state there was nothing worng with such arrangements.

Now if you want support your argument that there is nothing wrong with such arrangements, or that Christian doctrine would agree, then please feel free to try and do so. So far, you have done neither.

[orange]

GenomeX, I married a man whose parents are very wealthy. However, when we first met, he wasn't even speaking to his parents and had refused their help to get through medical school. He got through med school on student loans and now has a debt of over $220,000! So obviously I wasn't with him for money.

He's speaking to his parents again, partially because of my intervention, and partially because there are now children in the picture, and it's not fair to them to not be able to see their grandparents. And yes we have accepted money from them, but again mostly because of the children. I get along well with my in-laws, but my father-in-law is somewhat of a "tyrant" when it comes to money. Everyone tiptoes around him and treats him extra-specially nice in the hopes of getting money, and he's aware of this and plays it to his advantage. This was the original reason my husband stopped talking to them in the first place.

You might wonder why I'm rambling on like this, but I guess I'm trying to show you that marrying a person whose parents have money will not necessarily be a wonderful thing. It's much better to make your own way in the world.

[DrJ]

as for what answers actually pertain to the question... it is nothing that you don't already know... I mean, c'mon. I could tell you its wrong but you already know that... and you are still attracted to girls with money.

So here's what I think. Follow your heart. If it leads you to a girl who has a lot of money, or whose parents have a lot of money... GO FOR IT! Follow your heart.

One of two things is likely to happen:

1) You will suffer through a terrible relationship with a superficial girl that knows little of the value of Life itself and will come out of it a wiser man (experiance being the only TRUE teacher)

or...

2) You will fall madly in love and marry the girl of your dreams. Maybe she just happens to come from a wealthly family... Well, you can't compain about that!