[J_9]

I experienced both, in elementary school I had to wear uniforms... hated it. High school got to wear street clothes... hated it even more. Why? Because we were not rich, we did not have money to go back to school shopping. I was made fun of because I was not wearing the same expensive brands as the other kids.

Our uniforms were simple... and they were supplied by the school.

[Alty]

I have a friend who's daughters go to Catholic school. Last year she called me up, all excited because her daughter had won an award for being the best dressed kid in her class. What are we teaching our kids when we put importance on clothing and other possessions?

[N0help4u]

That is as bad or worse than the girl yesterday that posted about her biology teacher having the class rate each others looks.

[DoulaLC]

I like the point Altenweg made about teaching kids the over importance of the latest clothes and possessions. This goes for parents as well.
For the op, please don't feel you need to buy your kids the latest trends. If you want a few things here and there, fine... another idea is to teach your kids about earning what they want. Maybe give them some extra chores to help "pay" for some of the items that you feel are above and beyond a need.
I'd ask at the school about the supplies needed. Many now consider them optional... as they know not all parents will be able to get them... and, if you have a family with a few kids, it becomes a real struggle! The school will likely have items available for those children who bring only a few or bring nothing at all. Certainly you can purchase things a bit at a time. For future reference, it helps tremendously to buy a little of the common items throughout the year when you see any sales. I often had a few bags of school supplies in a closet to help defray the start up costs for each new school year.
As a teacher myself, I always make sure "my kids" have what they need. If there are additional things I would like them to have for a project or specific subject, I buy them myself. Many teachers will have some money allocated to purchase items for their classrooms, and most purchase many items themselves... especially at the elementary level. Some parents will bring in extra items as well for the class to share. I have never had a student not receive what they needed from one source or another.

[mimi03]

You are not a bad mother. Some kids have every toy their hearts desire, new clothes, all new school supplies, everything new, whatever they want. Those same kids beg for a bit of attention from their parents. Yes, there's lots of money, but the love and attention, not always. Possessions are not important, time and love is, and you give your kids plenty of that. :)

So, chin up, you're doing your best, and even if they don't appreciate it now, they will one day. :)

I totally agree with Altenweg, You shouldn't beat yourself up about the material things (clothes etc.)...
If their clothes aren't stained, ripped and ragged then they are perfectly fine and that should be the value/lesson instilled not having new clothes.

I am the oldest of 5 children and I saw my mother struggle to survive and provide for us and although we saw kids with new things and wanted them too but we were fine because we were taught that it wasn't important to have new shoes and shirts if the things we already had were still wearable and fit us properly. It didn't worry us, within the first week of a new school year there were plenty of other things to be concerned with...

My mom instilled this lesson but somehow I knew she still felt the guilt of wanting to give more, I just hope that your children have gotten the message about material things and how they don't make/break you as a person.

How would you feel if you bought your child a used car and they said to you: Well, It drives well and it takes me where I need to go but I don't like the color and my friend has a Lexus, I'd just feel better if I had a new car.

That's the attitude I see here and I just don't want you to have all of this guilt, Trust me I am still amazed at how my mom provided so many holidays and birthdays for us but when she looks back she feels like she could have done more... There's no need to worry when the little ones you don't want to disappoint see the value in all that you do and surely appreciate and love you for your hard work and concern for them.

You are fine and your children are great, Pat yourself on the back and look forward to future successes, don't dwell on your past/current disappointments! After all you are doing everything you can, right?

[mimi03]

Good point, Alty. My sons are in their thirties and don't remember buying school suppies and new clothes, but they do remember making times-table flash cards with me and reading their new readers out loud to me and telling all about their schoolday and doing homework at the dining room table with me nearby as consultant (who made them think harder, but didn't answer the homework questions myself).

Wonderful Point, Wondergirl :)

I think it's easy to get wrapped up in being the provider especially for single moms and the guilt is so heavy and blinding that maybe there should be a reminder that the most precious things in our childhoods are priceless... That's making the flashcards like you mentioned, having family game nights, listening to their stories about their school day, sitting to eat dinner together.
Those things are free and really enrich and overcome all other deficits in the end. IMO

[Depressed in MO]

Hello again.

Yes, I feel bad for it overall for many tiny little reasons...

One main one I can think of off top of my head is this: My oldest one is 10, She was in school for 3 years before the other one started attending. It was always "easier" to provide for her schooling because it was just her. Also, during that time, I had a support system (my mom), in which, because I was making even less money back then-she would be able to provide anything extra that I could not.

Last year was a struggle, and only by luck was I able to pull off getting all the supplies/clothing they needed without any worry. This year, I am completely on my own with absolutely NO support. I know I can do it. It's just a change that my babies and I will have to get accustomed to.

I spoke to my girls last night and explained that we could only get a few things at a time. They seemed OK with it.

So, again, I appreciate your comments and suggestions. I do feel much better about this situation.

[N0help4u]

Are the places you are seeking help saying you do not meet the income guidelines because you make a little over the amount they consider poverty?

[NowWhat]

You are not a bad mom! I stress all the time about getting this or that for my daughter. It's not even September and I have started my hunt for a winter coat!

What you can do is buy what the absolutely need right now (which would be supplies) and maybe one or two outfits to start.
The trick is to be smart about your shopping. There is nothing wrong with goodwill (one of my favorites). I bought a lot of stuff for my daughter at a store called "once upon a child". It is like a consignment shop. I am not sure if they are around your area - if they are, check it out.
I got tired of buying new things just to have them ruined. I go to that store - where they are so very picky about what they take in - and find things that are as close to new as you can get. And cheap!

If you are looking for a way to talk to your kids - easy! Just tell them that everything goes on sale after labor day (which it does) and you will be able to get more for your money. They can get a bigger wardrobe and you can feel better about it all.

[N0help4u]

Yep everything goes on sale labor day, end of seasons, end of some holidays etc...
I have actually gotten many things on sale in department stores than what the thrift stores sell stuff but you have to catch the right times.
Rummage sales, yard sales and flea markets are the best I can walk away with a paper bag full of clothes for anywhere from $2.00 to $10.00

[Depressed in MO]

Are the places you are seeking help saying you do not meet the income guidelines because you make a little over the amount they consider poverty?

YES!!
I make quite a bit over the amount they consider poverty-not a whole lot, but more than a dollar or two. But I absolutely do not qualify for any kind of assistance from anywhere.


I do shop at Goodwill and thrift stores as such- and I budget the best I can, It sucks sometimes, but I'm use to it. (SIGH) If I could just make $100.00 more a paycheck... which I guess would be $200.00 more a month...
Back to reality... maybe I just need to figure out how to be more resourceful...

[N0help4u]

Even being the most resourceful you can be you still feel way behind but it is worth the effort.

[cntrlof1sdestny]

Well...I think there is only one or two questions in your post that have not been answered already in my original post.

1. We only shop at Goodwill

Ok...only one.

Of course I budget, I never said I was in debt (although one could look at it that way...), I just don't have enough money for all the supplies that are on my children's list. I just honestly live paycheck to paycheck-all because I do budget. Otherwise, I wouldn't be able to make it.

As far as your questions regarding where are the father(s)?

"Please keep in mind I have absolutely no outside support at all. Have I tried to pursue it? Yes. Have I gotten anything? No."

I took that from my original post.

The main reason I posted was to see if there were others that have gone through with this and how did he/she handle it if so.

Thanks for replying! Please let me know if I have left anything unanswered. :)

Sorry if I struck a nerve, I don't know why you're responding so rudely to me. I read your "question" and responded with a couple suggestions. Quit your "vice", whatever it is, and continue to get money from the kids' father(s). It would totally irresponsible if you do not! I have read some of your previous questions... Are you just looking for sympathy for every little problem that arises? It doesn't seem that you really take anyone's advice into consideration. The people here are taking the time to read what you have to say, and some are stating very personal experiences.

[Depressed in MO]

Sorry if I struck a nerve, I don't know why you're responding so rudely to me. I read your "question" and responded with a couple suggestions. Quit your "vice", whatever it is, and continue to get money from the kids' father(s). It would totally irresponsible if you do not! I have read some of your previous questions... Are you just looking for sympathy for every little problem that arises? It doesn't seem that you really take anyone's advice into consideration. The people here are taking the time to read what you have to say, and some are stating very personal experiences.

I apologize if you took my reply as rude, I never ever even felt that way towards your post; therefore, absolutely never intended for you to take my reply as "rude". I do; however, take yours as extremely rude.

I don't care if you think I am looking for sympathy or not, that is your opinion. A lot, if not all of us, come here to ask for advice and opinions and for others to share his or her experiences that can relate. And, just for your reference, I don't feel that anything I have posted about (about me) is considered "a little problem"-otherwise, I wouldn't post anything-which I normally don't.

People from time to time need reassurance or a pat on the back or whatever.
Last but not least, since you took the little time to read through some of my posts, should you have taken time to read through all of them, then you would know that I have taken people's advice and have shared my success with those people as well.

You said:

"Quit your "vice", whatever it is, and continue to get money from the kids' father(s). It would totally irresponsible if you do not!"

This is none of your business, but because you said it, and it pissed me off- I will comment on it. I do continue to go after child support. I have not received anything and will be a long time, if ever, until I will.

Thanks to all who have shared stories and given me encouraging advice. I will take it in stride and am sure that everything will be OK.

[liz28]

I have not read every post but maybe shopping for supplies before hand when their on sale will help ease money spending. I.e in July staple had a good sale on back to school stuff and mostly things was 1¢. I stocked up then because I'll wait until the last minute. The only thing I am happy about is that my daughter wears uniform to school and she have a lot of good ones from last year so I'm only left with buying shirts, tights, and schools. Thank goodness for uniforms, all schools should wear them.

[Depressed in MO]

I have not read every post but maybe shopping for supplies before hand when their on sale will help ease money spending. I.e in July staple had a good sale on back to school stuff and mostly things was 1¢. I stocked up then because I'll wait until the last minute. The only thing I am happy about is that my daughter wears uniform to school and she have alot of good ones from last year so I'm only left with buying shirts, tights, and schools. Thank goodness for uniforms, all schools should wear them.

Yes, I agree. As I said before, maybe I should be more resourceful.

I tend to wait for the schoolto send the list of supplies because it tells us exactly what we need for each child according to whatever grade they are in.
Some teachers are really strict, some aren't. You just never know at first.
But I think that you are right. There are some obvious school supplies that they need every year in which I will definitely take your advice for when this occasion arises next year.

[ldyastrid]

I have been through exactly what you are describing... first - my parents later shared with me that us kids (7 of us) never worried and never thought about how difficult it was to make sure all of us had the supplies needed for school, we just knew we had what we needed when we needed them. I don't think there was ever a year we went to school with the whole list of supplies they put out now for the kids - pencils and paper is what I remember having the first day of school and bringing home a list of what else would be needed and about when we would be using these things. Mom also kept a box of all the supplies we brought home at the end of the year... rulers, scissors, etc were pulled out of the box when we needed to bring them to school - we all had a hand in decorating the "School Supplies" box too... and idea I used when my older kids were going through school...

I now work at a social services office. There are agencies here that help families with school supplies. That could be an avenue for you to check into - contact your social services office and see if they have a program to help with getting school supplies for your kids. While you're at it, perhaps there are other programs that can assist you! Doesn't hurt to check into them! The whole purpose for the Social Services offices are to help people! We all need help every now and again.

Goodwill and Salvation Army are favorite resources that I still enjoy tapping into... where else can you buy jeans for less than $5?? Already broken in too!

Good Luck to you, sweet Mama... your love for your children is obvious, you can only do what you can do. Stressing won't make it any easier... it'll just give you a headache and make it more difficult!

[Depressed in MO]

I have been thru exactly what you are describing ... first - my parents later shared with me that us kids (7 of us) never worried and never thought about how difficult it was to make sure all of us had the supplies needed for school, we just knew we had what we needed when we needed them. I don't think there was ever a year we went to school with the whole list of supplies they put out now for the kids - pencils and paper is what I remember having the first day of school and bringing home a list of what else would be needed and about when we would be using these things. Mom also kept a box of all the supplies we brought home at the end of the year... rulers, scissors, etc were pulled out of the box when we needed to bring them to school - we all had a hand in decorating the "School Supplies" box too... and idea I used when my older kids were going thru school....

I now work at a social services office. There are agencies here that help families with school supplies. That could be an avenue for you to check into - contact your social services office and see if they have a program to help with getting school supplies for your kids. While you're at it, perhaps there are other programs that can assist you! Doesn't hurt to check into them! The whole purpose for the Social Services offices are to help people! We all need help every now and again.

Goodwill and Salvation Army are favorite resources that I still enjoy tapping into ... where else can you buy jeans for less than $5??? Already broken in too!!

Good Luck to you, sweet Mama... your love for your children is obvious, you can only do what you can do. Stressing won't make it any easier.... it'll just give you a headache and make it more difficult!

Thank you very much! I did go school shopping this weekend, and although my checking account is sad, I did use every single budgeting tip that was offered to me within this thread and received a happy outcome as a result. Thanks to all for your stories and suggestions! :)

[0rphan]

The sheer fact that you are worried sick, that you can't provide all in one go for your kids, tells me you are a wonderful parent to your children and how lucky you are to have each other.

Blessyou

[Depressed in MO]

The sheer fact that you are worried sick, that you can't provide all in one go for your kids, tells me you are a wonderful parent to your children and how lucky you are to have each other.

Blessyou

Thank you so much.