[NeedSomeHelp23]

I am new to this forum and would GREATLY appreciate some feedback. I had been with my ex for 2 and a half years and we lived together. He was a great person in the beginning and over the course of our relationship found himself in severe debt that he could not get out of. He became emotionally unavailable and would take me for granted. I am not the type of girl that needs to be with someone who has a lot of money. THe times that he did have a little bit of money, however, he would go to the bars or concerts with his friends and just never included me in anything. He ended up becoming inconsiderate of my feelings and took me for granted. There would be times when I felt he didn't even want to be with me but we were just comfortable. About a year ago I moved out, and it was the hardest thing I have ever done. I felt lost and alone and just missed him. I wanted to help him out and wanted him to be the guy I fell in love with. THere were times when he would apologize and tell me that he is sorry and that he wants to be that guy. We went on the usual break up cycle... got back together, still were intimate with each other and all that. Then I met someone else, this guy is the nicest guy I could have ever met. He treats me like a queen and has a great heart and just does everything for me and is so emotionally connected to me and he is just great I love him so much. For some reason or another I CANNOT get over my ex though even though I am in love with my new boyfriend. I don't know what it is and I want to be over him so bad. I want him to be OK and it WOULD unfortunately break my heart if he found someon else. Recently, my ex has been extremely standoffish to me and has said ot me that he isn't avoiding me but that its sometimes hard for him to talk to me. And one other thing, my ex doesn't know about my current boyfriend and I just really can't tell him I don't know why. I can't imagine myself having no contact with my ex because he was such a big part of my life for so long. I have always tried to remain friends with my exes but I am realizing that the only way that I ever am able to get over them is to lose contact with them. I just can't lose contact with them unless they are the ones blowing me off. I would still do anything for my ex and will always love him. He is so important to me and that's why I can't imagine myself just cutting him off completely. I guess it doesn't help that my current boyfriend is deployed for this stupid war and won't be back for a year.. I don't even know anymore.. someone help me... I just feel like I'm losing it. I love love love my current boyfriend and he is great... but I can't leave my ex alone... I love him even though I know him and I can't be together right now.

[maxim_r]

Read a book entitled "How to Break Your Addiction to Another Person" by Howard Halpern. This book has helped me in the past.

[talaniman]

Why do I ALWAYS feel the need to be friends with my EX's

Could be you still want them in your life, without the constraints of a relationship, as you get to be free, and single, and keep your hang-out buddies.

[Janmarie]

Or could it be that you stay connected with your ex's just incase your current relationship doesn't work out, you still have someone to fall back on?

[SuaveWazoo]

I am new to this forum and would GREATLY appreciate some feedback. I had been with my ex for 2 and a half years and we lived together. He was a great person in the beginning and over the course of our relationship found himself in severe debt that he could not get out of. He became emotionally unavailable and would take me for granted. I am not the type of girl that needs to be with someone who has a lot of money. THe times that he did have a little bit of money, however, he would go to the bars or concerts with his friends and just never included me in anything. He ended up becoming inconsiderate of my feelings and took me for granted. There would be times when i felt he didnt even want to be with me but we were just comfortable. About a year ago I moved out, and it was the hardest thing I have ever done. I felt lost and alone and just missed him. I wanted to help him out and wanted him to be the guy i fell in love with. THere were times when he would apologize and tell me that he is sorry and that he wants to be that guy. We went on the usual break up cycle...got back together, still were intimate wtih eachother and all that. Then I met someone else, this guy is the nicest guy I could have ever met. He treats me like a queen and has a great heart and just does everything for me and is soo emotionally connected to me and he is just great I love him so much. For some reason or another I CANNOT get over my ex though even though i am in love with my new boyfriend. I dont know what it is and I want to be over him so bad. I want him to be ok and it WOULD unfortunately break my heart if he found someon else. Recently, my ex has been extremely standoffish to me and has said ot me that he isnt avoiding me but that its sometimes hard for him to talk to me. And one other thing, my ex doesnt know about my current boyfriend and i just really can't tell him i dont knwo why. I can't imagine myself having no contact wtih my ex bc he was such a big part of my life for so long. I have always tried to remain friends with my exes but i am realizing that the only way that i ever am able to get over them is to lose contact with them. I just can't lose contact with them unless they are the ones blowing me off. I would still do anything for my ex and will always love him. He is so important to me and thats why i can't imagine myself just cutting him off completely. I guess it doesnt help that my current boyfriend is deployed for this stupid war and wont be back for a year..i dont even know anymore..someone help me...i just feel like im losing it. I love love love my current boyfriend and he is great...but i can't leave my ex alone...i love him even though i know him and i can't be together right now.

As far as practical advice goes, it would be nice to get together with your ex over dinner and talk about how you feel. You never know what he doesn't know, and it just might be possible that he has no idea that he acted that way during the relationship, or that he didn't know to what extent you feel this sad about it. You have to come to grips with what you feel, and you need to communicate this to him for the sake of a greater understanding between you two.