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12402 · Aug 10, 2008, 01:51 PM

So, my boyfriend broke up with me about a week ago. We can still talk and are pretty civil. He told me that he cares about me but doesn't want to be in a relationship right now, that he wants to be left alone. We lived together, which makes the situation harder. I decided to move out and leave him the place because our fights were about him not helping me take care of our apt, so I figured this would be a good way to get him to realize how much work it takes to take care of it. He always said I was exaggerating when I got angry at him about it. Except, I haven't exactly moved out yet since it's only been a week. I'm staying with a friend for the moment.

My thing is that I feel like he's being really selfish. He said that he was going through something and he just wanted to be left alone to figure it out. I asked him if he was considering getting a roommate and he said he just wanted to live completely alone, no roommate or nothing. We lived together for 2 years and shared everything. I helped him financially when he needed it and supported him through a lot of things. He told me that this year it would be the other way around because this will be a tough year for me due to school, except now we broke up. He was supposed to take on a lot of the responsibilities, including financially, and now I feel totally fooled. Bc I was helping him financially at the time, I couldn't buy myself a car which I really need this year. I don't have a license and won't be able to get one for at least 2 months, along with a car. He told me he'd drive me around until I was able to get a car, back when we were together. Now, things are different.

Should I ask him to help me like he said he would, or should I leave it alone and figure it out on my own? I understand what he's going through and can see that he really does need to be alone to figure things out and I firmly believe that if it's meant to be, it will be. But at the same time, I feel like he owes me a lot.

liz28 · Aug 10, 2008, 02:10 PM

Sometimes whe two people are together they tend to help each other out financially at times. Since, you two have recently split you reflect more on that financial help you have provided and feel that you are owed. Even if you were to ask for some financial help he might give it to you or he might not. So I don't think it's unfair to ask but just know you may not get the response your looking for and may have to take your loses.

talaniman · Aug 10, 2008, 03:30 PM

Not to sound like Judge Judy, but now that its over, all bets are off, unless you have an agreement in writing. Sorry, but you should save further grief, and drama, anger, and humiliation, by not asking for money from him, as he has no obligation to help.

Thinker2255 · Aug 10, 2008, 03:56 PM

In terms of asking him for financial support, I would stray from that. If he is being selfish in general then I wouldn't go there as it might lead to more frustration and hostilities. In terms of something simple like asking him for rides, I would give it a shot. Maybe those rides will allow you guys to talk and maybe he'll open up more.

12402 · Aug 10, 2008, 04:43 PM

I wasn't planning on asking him for financial help because I don't really need that. What I would need is the rides because this year I will be having to travel for school and I won't be able to get a car for at least 2-3 months.

maxim_r · Aug 10, 2008, 06:56 PM

Best thing to do is leave him alone and go no contact. He is the one who wants to leave you. Also, I think that part of this breakup has to do with the fact that he doesn't want to help you out the way you did for him and he wants to avoid responsibility. Doesn't seem like a very loving thing to do. Take a step back and reassess. If this guy wants to cut the chord when the going gets tough, then he's not the guy for you anyway.

JBeaucaire · Aug 11, 2008, 08:56 AM

You need to add back into everything you promised each other the additional words "as long as we were still together." Then it becomes easier to accept.

"He said he would help drive me around...as long as we were still together."
"He said he would help me financially...as long as we were still together."

It's over. It wasn't your idea, but it just as easily could have been, understand? If you had broken up with him, his feelings would be the ones hurting and you'd be expecting him to just get over it and move on. The same holds for you now.

Sorry, but please keep one thing in mind, ALL of your dating relationships are going to end for one reason or another, either your idea or his. They all do. Except the last, final one. It is silly to think the one you're in NOW is the "final" one unless you've got a ring on your finger and a white picket fence..

So, no more living with boyfriends and supporting them financially while you're still just dating, which is all you really were doing with this guy. Dating. Admit that. OK?

Dating is a tryout. It usually lasts up to 2 years before the "tryout" is reaching completion. Then you should be making some life choices... marry or move on.

You only get one pass through this life, don't waste years playing house.