[kuulski]

Ok long story guys but I have recvd positive feedback from this site during a breakup and wanted to revist and see if someone out there can help me through this storm.


I have been going through a storm recently and this magnified several ongoing situations.
My dad recently contacted me and I found out he was ill needs heart transplant and also is diabetic with multiple complication. We never really had a relationship or contact for most of my childhood and adult life. I am now 31 and have realized that these issues that I have not confronted completely are effecting my life. Bad relationships and situations where I am hyper sensitive and constantly living sad and down most of the days of the week. I do have good days but they are not as often as the bad days. I was seeing a therapist last year and the sessions helped me tremendously. We didn't really get into my childhood too much just an overall picture of these situations however I do feel I need to continue the therapy. I have self medicated most of my adult life but want to move on and be able to live free of these burdens. Selfmedicated=4/20 nothing beyond that besides drinking once in a while. 4/20 is daily and got to a point of obsession so I have curtailed it to after work maybe once or twice. Weekends is more often. I guess my question to you guys out there is it possible I am suffering from PTSD? And if so what are steps someone has taken that can truly help me get past this. I have a friend that expressed she also dealt with this and her first move was to confront the people in my mind visualize them and forgive them until I feel I have truly forgiven them. She told me it's a process that takes time but that it has changed her life. She also advised me on deflecting negative situations and not absorbing everything happening and taking it personal. I would truly appreciate anyone's help that has been in a similar situation and input is greatly needed. As I stated I am going back to therapy as I feel it did help me improve the situation prior to my recent episode. However I do feel there are people out there that have possibly dealt with the same situation or similar and would be able to offer productive input. Thanks in advance :)

**Updated 8/8/2008**

Well I am on my first day of no cigs,420 and also trying to not bite my nails. Wish me luck :)

[Luv2Dance]

I agree with you for wanting to continue therapy. I truly believe in KARMA... what you give is what you get... if you can forgive these people... your future might look brighter. That doesn't mean you'll forget your past forever... that's hard to do. But your past is your past, and you want a happy future with your child minus all these stresses u've dealt with thus far. I agree if you can slowly forgive or at least grant some sort of civil peace... Karma will brighten your days ahead. Best of Luck to you friend.

[Choux]

I don't think it is important or helpful to try to give your emotional problems a name... the important thing is to see your therapist as often as possible because that is helping you. If you dwell on having a diagnosis, you might find out is is not a diagnosis you are prepared to deal with. The important thing is to move forward.

You had a terrible childhood from what I can tell unless your grandmother was a loving figure... that love may be enough to have help save you with considerable effort on your part. )

Forgiveness is for when you are clean of drugs and on a path of sobriety and clear thinking for quite some time. *That is my opinion* I don't think you have arrived at the forgiveness stage.

Take care and continue your progress, :)

[kuulski]

I don't think it is important or helpful to try to give your emotional problems a name...the important thing is to see your therapist as often as possible because that is helping you. If you dwell on having a diagnosis, you might find out is is not a diagnosis you are prepared to deal with. The important thing is to move forward.

You had a terrible childhood from what I can tell unless your grandmother was a loving figure....that love may be enough to have help save you with considerable effort on your part. )

Forgiveness is for when you are clean of drugs and on a path of sobriety and clear thinking for quite some time. *That is my opinion* I don't think you have arrived at the forgiveness stage.

Take care and continue your progress, :)

I agree with you 100 percent. Thanks for the reply.

I am doing 100 percent better however the recent turmoil through me into a loop and I basically don't understand allot of the things that happen and how my emotions get the best of me. I was told by a friend that she too had gone through something similar and had suggested ptsd was a possibility. Im trying to understand what it is that is causing this behavior that I feel I can not control sometimes.

[NDE PTSD]

I have severe PTSD. To me PTSD is like ESP. I can see bad people and a fight before it breaks out. I can walk into a room full of people and pick out every scum bag because I see expressions and body movements. I look for bulges that are weapons and loud mouth tuff guys. I keep myself safe and the people around me safe. 99.9% would never walk into a room thinking people are there to hurt them or their friends. If you were abused and hurt some how in your life you have some form of PTSD. Its because you refuse to be killed or injured again. It's a primal position that we take to survive. PTSD is not bad its like ESP.. Your like a super hero, You have the ability to see what others can't.You see its our reactions to flight or fight that makes us look or to appear to be unhinged. That's were we become loners and mean when people try to harm us or betray us because we normally over react before we get hurt. You're a good person I can tell.. If you have PTSD it's a good thing you just need to control the bad behavior that comes with it.. Self medicating is one of those bad behaviors. We need every ability we have not medicated to control our wrath.