How much is too much?

orange · Apr 14, 2006, 01:52 PM

I have a 4 and a 6 year old. Besides preschool / school in the fall, I would like them to learn art and music, and they are already both in karate and swimming. Now the 4 year old says he wants to do hockey as well, and the 6 year old says she wants soccer.

Personally I think kids should have some "down time" to just be kids and I was always kind of critical of parents who put their children in too many activities. But now I find myself getting ready to do the same thing. :(

How many extracurricular activities should a child have? When are there too many?

Fr_Chuck · Apr 14, 2006, 02:12 PM

There are some things such as swimming ( at least here that is) merely a summer activitiy. And other things like soccer that is also seasonal.

With that I know my wife teaches music and voice. Often during the summer the students do not keep doing their music lessons.

But there is too much often because you have more than one child and can only be so many places at one time. You can't be taking one to karate and the other one to soccer.

But they also if in karate and music are suppose to be practicing 30 to a hour each day besides just showing up for lessons. So music and dance take up most of the time beyonds maybe one other class that does not take as much practice. For example our son takes karate and music, he is at karate three nights a week and music one day a week.
And has to leave Fridays and Saturday free for karate meetings in other towns and for music recitals. So anything else is just not a choice.

I would work swimming in for any ( at least basic swimming since that is a safety issue)

orange · Apr 14, 2006, 02:25 PM

Thanks Fr Chuck. Unfortunately, soccer and swimming are year round here. There is a huge indoor soccer centre with an artificial grass turf, so the kids train and play all year round. Swimming lessons go all year too. I am hoping as you say though, that hockey is seasonal. And karate folds for the summer, so that will be good. I imagine music would also not be in the summer, although I do want my children to practice all year round. We have a piano so that's what they will be taking. And the art I can teach myself, as I am an artist and also a certified art teacher.

Bleah, it just seems like so much!

NeedKarma · Apr 14, 2006, 02:31 PM

I agree. I'm a big fan of not overwhelming my own small kids. We just finished a YMCA Gym & Swim for the 5 year old which was excellent for the winter season and to get to know other kids and parents. Other than that we do things ad hoc - day at the beach (it's 1 1/2 hours away), practicing on the bike, playing with the neighbours, etc. I want to spent time with them and not be a taxi that drops them off everywhere... that and I don't have a lot of money :).

orange · Apr 14, 2006, 02:43 PM

I'm with you, NeedKarma. The taxi driver thing is a really good point. I would much rather be the one to be doing the activities with my kids than instructors. Although I do have the option to stay and watch the karate, and with swimming for the 4 year old, I can come along, and I usually do.

I grew up poor, but my husband's family is quite wealthy. It probably sounds weird, but sometimes I wish that we did not have the access to money (either our own or his parent's) that we do. Because of the money, there is pressure to spend a lot on the kids... if we don't, we are considered cheapskates and/or bad parents. Err.

NeedKarma · Apr 14, 2006, 04:48 PM

Originally Posted by orange

Because of the money, there is pressure to spend a lot on the kids... if we don't, we are considered cheapskates and/or bad parents. Err.

Actually I'm glad you don't have to worry about money considering the new challenges you have taken on. If I had more money I would not buy things for my kids, I would do things with my kids. For instance we just returned from a trip to Montreal where I took my daughter downtown to do a bunch of activities and to expose her to the big city where I'm from since we live in a smaller town 9 hours away. There are too many real bad parents around who replace love with a plasma TV and an Xbox, I can't see you being one of those.

orange · Apr 14, 2006, 05:33 PM

Thanks for your confidence in my parenting abilities, NeedKarma; I really appreciate the encouragement. Actually I doubt my abilities a lot, so it's nice to know that some people think otherwise! :)

You're right, I'm not interested in giving the kids a lot of "stuff". Besides that, they already have more than enough in the way of toys and electronics. I think I mentioned in another thread a while back that the kids each had their own TVs, DVD players, Gamecubes AND computer before they came to live with us! Well I was the meanie and got rid of most of it. Now we just have a family area where they can watch movies, play games, and play on the computer. They don't need all that stuff in their rooms, IMO.

When I was a kid (lol it feels so funny to say that!), when I lived with my biological mother, we were on welfare, and had nothing. Of course it was not a good situation, but because we had so little, I made my own fun a lot of the time, mostly by exploring and playing outside. I really want my children to enjoy just using their imagination and playing in the yard like I used to. And yeah trips are great. What you did with your 5 year old sounds like something I'd like to do, too. Actually I've never been and always wanted to visit Atlantic Canada, and I would like to take the children on a trip there, once the baby is born and is old enough.

fredg · Apr 15, 2006, 04:43 AM

Hi, Orange,
There are so many activities available to children now that I know it's hard to decide on how many to be involved with.
That decision, for my wife and I, was based on how much time we had, either together or separate, to take them to those activities.
I never did like the idea of them going alone, and we didn't let them go by themselves. One of us went with them.
Socializing with other children is great for them, learning about others, and proper ways to act.
But, it all comes down to how much time do you and your husband have, without over-extending yourselves.

orange · Apr 15, 2006, 01:52 PM

Thanks Fred, that's a good point also, time constraints. I gave up my art studio and I'm now a stay at home mom, so I have lots of time for the children. However, I'm going to have my baby soon so I'm sure that's going to take up a LOT of my time, at least in the beginning. And my husband works long hours. So it will mostly be me, taking them to things.

Fr_Chuck · Apr 15, 2006, 02:36 PM

Yes, my wife should be the one to answer this, burn out, you find you are no longer yourself, you are merely "mom" or taxi driver, to the person writing all the checks.

Her advice, be sure to take time for you, mothers out groups, and the such. You need some time alone to be you and you and hubby need some time for just the two of you also.

orange · Apr 15, 2006, 02:55 PM

Thanks Fr Chuck (and thanks to your wife, too!). Yes, the children take up a LOT of time and I while I love them a lot I do worry about getting burnt out as you say. Actually I really miss my drawing, so I did a bit today (my husband took the kids out for the whole day, so I am alone). It felt really great to draw again... I haven't done it for at least a month.

We are still trying to work out some kind of "system" where we can go out together (sans kids) so we can be together as husband and wife and have a break. The last couple of weeks it just hasn't been possible, with Passover, etc. But I think we might go out tomorrow night if I feel up to it. Our new babysitter is quite reliable.

Chery · Apr 27, 2006, 07:24 AM

Dear Orange, it's been a while since I had to deal with this type of problem, but what I did with Jaime, was to tell her she could do anything she likes. The trick to this was that she had to make a choice as to how to deal with her time. If she wanted to do three things, and these took away time for rest after school, homework, and then of course the meals together, she had to place her activities in priority order. I made a list of things that were not open for debate, and let her choose what she wanted to do with the remainder of her time. So, she had a calendar very early.

At first, she overdid herself and noticed that it was not a good idea to cram all things into her schedule, so she had to make the choice herself as to what she had to give up. She's so darned organized now at 29 - that she puts me to shame.

Sometimes children want to do so many things and have to find out for themselves that they just cannot handle them all. Therefore, instilling the need to make priorities - through this way they also realize that it is a daily routine to parents to be able to make decisions accordingly.

And yes, I know it's easier said than done, but somehow I managed, and am sure that you'll do it too.

Good luck in letting them make the choices of things to place on the 'back-burner', and I hope it does not take too long.

Keep me posted, and if you want, I can send you a link of a good site that deals in raising children. I was pretty impressed with what the guy has to say, and his newletter is free.

Lots of Hugs!

orange · May 1, 2006, 10:48 AM

Thanks Chery... once again, nice to see you back. Noah and I are back home as of this morning, and I am just on here briefly to see what's going on. Send me the link for the childcare site. Maybe even post it on here in case some other people may be interested, thanks!

My parents are here, so things are going a lot more smoothly than they would if it was just Alex and I with the kids. I am very sore and tired, but my parents are doing most of the work. Alex is sick in bed, having had to be on call in the ER all weekend in spite of being sick. He spent close to 20 hours in the ER on Saturday. So he's pretty dead to the world right now.

Anyway I want to hold my baby again!! :) :) :) Bye for now.

JoeCanada76 · May 1, 2006, 11:39 AM

Orange ask them what there interests are and what they would like to get into. It is better to invest in something that the child thinks they will stick to and actually enjoy. Depending on what it is one or two would be tops. In my opinion.

Joe

orange · May 2, 2006, 10:52 AM

Thanks Joe. Yeah that's good advice. Actually I have been listening to them, like I said Shaina wants soccer and Levi wants hockey. They both love the karate and swimming they are in, too. They're not as crazy about having piano lessons, but I think music is important, especially since there's no music program in most schools anymore. If they really hate piano I may let them choose their own instrument to learn, but I'm pretty adamant about them learning music, whether they like it or not haha.

milliec · May 2, 2006, 11:07 AM

Hi chava!
I'm sorry but I don't remember their age. My daughter wanted VERY much to play the piano, ever since...
But my husband kept saying it will turn into a piece of furniture.
When she was 7, she took flute lessons - my husband idea -to see if she will like music, having to play at home...
So after 1 year of flute, she said she only wants to play the piano.
She started piano lessons when she was 8, kept going till 18, studied musicology along with (psychology) and , among other things, teaches piano to young kids, BUT:
Only when THEY are ready - she keeps saying they have to "discover" it (with our help, of course... )
As for the many activities -usually they try a lot of things, like to experiment, are curious, they want to join friends, see a TV show, etc. you name it.
It costs monet, and eats up any spare moment, and is NOT easy, but in the end, when they get to know an activity closer and find out what it really is about, they make their choice, and stick to the things they really love - which are usually in tune with their natural talents.
Good luck,
Millie

orange · May 2, 2006, 11:12 AM

Thanks Millie. That's great advice... as usual! You always have such good things to say. I am going to let them experiment; that's actually part of the reason I wanted to place them in a Montessorri school in the fall, because those schools give the children more freedom to learn. They are very young still, 4 and 6 years old.

milliec · May 2, 2006, 11:19 AM

There's nothing like kids with shining eyes, and having SO much to share with, they can hardly end one word before they start the other!
Wow!
Kiss them for me wiil you?
m.

JoeCanada76 · May 2, 2006, 10:30 PM

May I ask you orange why do you place a great importance on music? Just curious. Especially when they already have really good picks already? At the same time it is good for them to learn something they do not care for because later in life they are going to HAVE to do LOTS of things that they might not want to do but need to do it. Work and Study , etc... This will give them the patience to stick through something even though they may not want to do it. Anyway, swimming and karate and hockey sounds great. Hockey would be my choice that is the canadain way, eh!! (:

orange · May 3, 2006, 09:11 AM

Music practice exercises a part of the brain that otherwise isn't used in children. There have also been studies that children who play a musical instrument do much better in school, as a general rule, and have an easier time learning foreign languages. So, I guess in general it's just a good thing for kids to learn and be exposed to. Plus my husband and I are quite involved in the "arts" here... we go to concerts, art exhibits, etc, regularly. And all of us play musical instruments... my husband and I both play the piano, and so did the children's biological parents. So I want the children to have an appreciation for this. If there is a school music program, I will let them be in that instead, but many of the schools here have cut their music programs, which is very sad.

Hockey would be my choice that is the canadain way, eh!! (:

Yeah Levi is going into timbits hockey, haha. It's going to be cute to watch him on the ice, he's so little. My husband is very excited as he used to play hockey in university.