[here_to_ask]

Hi, I am 26+ and my husband is 32. We are married for 2 and a half year (arrange marriage) but since the first day of my marriage, my husband does not seem to be dying for sex. I was away from him for 11 months (after a duration of 1 month of togetherness) and when we reunite even then he did not seem to be that interested in having sex with me. But when we reunite, he used to initiate from his side sometimes, but generally, I was the one who was badly in need of it because whenever we used to have sex, most of the times, I was not satisfied. Also, even today, he does not like to try different positions and make it more pleasurable and I, being a lady, even today hesitate to start from my side. But if I try to initiate, he stops me saying that he is tired or so. So, I feel insulted and embarrassed, it hurts me a lot. Every time, he has the same excuse, even when we are on vacations.
Here, I'ld like to mention that I was 32-26-34 at the time of marriage and even today, people appreciate me for my figure. I know that he is not cheating on me and he does not have any extra marital affair, but is not interested to have sex (I think not with anyone).I am pregnant now, but not satisfied with my married life. What should I do?

[happy_jester]

In a marriage,sex is a time when you both can get intimate,with each other. :)
Yet,having said that,this is not happening with you,and this is where the problem
Is :(

I notice from you're post,that,you've even tried yourself to initiate sex,and this
Doesn't work either.[so I can understand that you feel insulted and embarrassed :(]

Nor is he cheating on you or had any extra marital affair.

It is possible that,as it was an arranged marriage,that he has simply "gone off" you
As he feels that you'd NOT be his first choice of partner :eek:

... and the way to "punish" you is to refuse sex.

[Janmarie]

Was your husband raised in a very religious household? I know that in some religions and I won't mention which ones but it is pounded into young children that sex is only for marriage and only for reproducing children and any other time it is considered BAD! Most people, believe it or not have been culturally conditioned to believe that sex is bad, even when they say they like it, some have been so deeply steeped in a society that considers sex dirty, shameful, and sinful and don't often feel comfortable talking frankly about it or taking actions to proactively develope thier sexual prowess. Such a shame but true. Which may make some sense as to why he isn't into sex as he should be. But there is hope and it may take a lot of effort on your part. Don't give up on initiating it and don't allow yourself to feel embarressed or shamed. There is nothing wrong letting your husband know that you have needs too. It is not just the men who have complained about his woman being boring in bed....women have that complaint as well about a man in thier lives. Sex between two consenting adults is a beautiful and revitalizing event. It is one of the most heavenly experiences on earth and can be an incredible expression of intimacy and aliveness. So here is what I would do in a situation like this....are you ready? Practice being naughty and initiate sex as much as you want to...even when he is pushing you away...don't give up...One way to spice things up is to learn how to strip tease, there are many video's out there that can teach you how. One of my favorites is called the Art of Strip. Let go of your inhibitions. Buy beautiful lingerie that makes you look and feel sexy infact buy something practical enough to wear under your everyday clothing so you can experience a little secret naughty factor all day long. Also last but very important...get practiced recieving pleasure from him. There is no greater gift then allowing him to sexually satisfy you. Trust me on this...and I don't want to get to explicit here but I think your husband may have no clue how to please you so during sex with him you are going to have to move your hips back and forth, up and down, sideways or what have you...until you yourself find that spot that drives you crazy and just recieve it. Don't be thinking about pleasing him because he already knows what makes him feel good, just let go of those thoughts and be pleased. Things may dramatically change in your sex life and in the best possible way without making him feel like he is a bad lover or blame him for your displeasure, you have to talk to him about it. Hope that helps you a little.

[caspks16moo]

I am having the same problem. But it seems when I egnore my husband, he's actually more active and acts like he needs me more (which I wish it would not be like that, I wish he was the same like he used to be when I met him 4 yrs ago) (you now, romantic and always there). It's reverse psychology. Act like he mean nothing to you (just a little not alot) and go do what you want to do, now is the time for freedom for you! If he loves you he will follow just like you do for him. Go any where you want, avoid him. He oviously sounds like he's a jackass for not being into you, as you are for him. (sorry that was so vougar, I'm having that same experiance)

[Homegirl 50]

This thread is 4 years old.