[HistorianChick]

Is the reason you broke up simply because of distance? Or, was it a deeper issue with character problems?

If it was just about the distance... maybe he's willing to give a long distance relationship a try - are you?

If it was about something other than distance, those reasons haven't changed and unless you're willing to put up with it more (but to a greater extent because it would be acceptable - you did go back to him knowing... ), I'd say leave it alone.

[confused5000]

Ok. After speaking to my lovely first ex-boyfriend (who's now my best mate), things seem to have finally clicked and I can see this situation a lot more clearly.
This guy is completely using me! And why wouldn't he? I'm completely letting him. I've made it so that he can come to my city whenever he wants, stay round mine and have sex with me with no repurcussions or commitment to me. What guy wouldn't take advantage of that situation? So I'm completely to blame for this. I should've turned round a long time ago and told him where to stick it. The annoying thing is that it's also been me who's had to apologise to him and I've never even shouted at him. Now I'm dying to give him a piece of my mind. Also, my whole town assumes I'm dating this guy since every time he comes round, he always walks around the town with me whilst holding my hand and kissing me, sabotaging any possibility I have with a new boy since they all think I'm with him. a**ehole.
To justify why I've been behaving like such an idiot... I think I secretly thought it would work out between us. He would realise what he was missing and run back to me. Yet if I think about it, he didn't even treat his ex-girlfriend before me very well. He told her he was in love with her yet at the same time he was messing around with me and having sex with me, which she didn't know about. That's not love right? I know she was in another country but it's not love if you're dating another girl at the same time right? He treats women like crap.
I'm just astonished that I've put up with this guy for almost one and a half years now. I think it's safe to say it's time to move on. There wasn't even a future with the relationship. He never wants to get married and have children. He's still incredibly emotionally immature even though he's almost 30. He's also messing around with a girl who's married and has no intention of getting divorced. This guy is messed up and never wants to commit to anyone. I don't know why I wasted my time with him.

Here's my new year's resolution. Get rid of this loser once and for all. I'm so sick of posting about this guy as well. I keep running around in circles. I need to cut him out of my life completely forever. I feel so much happier already just thinking about the idea :D I'm 22 so I think there's still hope for me yet to find a nice guy :D

Sorry for rambling. I just had to get this off my chest :) Thanks guys for all your help! 今から頑張ります。

[confused5000]

Back in January me and my ex started dating again. We'd broken up 4 months previously but after the new year he said he wanted to start dating me again so we got back together. At that point we both knew that I would have to leave the country for good in 6 months but we tried to just have an amazing last few months together. We eventually decided that when I left we would have a long-distance relationship. The thought of breaking up with him again just killed me. So anyway I went to stay with him right before I left the country. When he was at work one day, I decided to use his internet and his email account automatically opened up. I know that it may seem like a bad thing to do but I thought that if we were to embark on this long-distance relationship only seeing each other twice a year or so then I needed to know that he was a solid guy. I didn't want to invest everything in him only to have my heart broken. So I went through his emails. To cut a long story short I found out he'd been messaging girls in other countries sending them flirtatious messages. He even met up with one of the girls when he went on holiday to her country despite the fact he was due to meet me the next day. He was cheating on me. I have no proof that he did anything sexual with these girls but the fact that he went out of his way to create an online dating profile to meet other girls suggests he was intending to sleep with them. I was devastated. After a trivial argument the next day, I packed my bags to leave his place and I didn't see him again before I left. I never told him that I discovered he'd been cheating. At that time I was just a complete wreck. I had so many emotions going through me that I didn't know what to do. I was livid, hurt, heartbroken and scared of who this person actually was. I just decided to be cautious and get myself out of there asap without confronting him. But even now I still find myself wondering every single day about why he did it. So many questions keep going through my head like why bother getting back together with me if he felt the relationship was bad enough to cheat on me? Why bother going to the effort of calling me everyday (we had a long-distance relationship in the same country too) if he had girls he was messaging? I just can't get my head around the fact that he said he wanted to be with me no matter what yet at the same time was out there searching for other girls. It absolutely kills me. I just want to know WHY! Does this mean he didn't like me at all the whole time? Was our relationship not real? At the moment I feel like he's got off scott-free. He must feel like he's got away with his cheating.

So my question is should I confront him about it or not?

[411Help]

More reason to let it go. Initiate NC and remove him from your life.

[confused5000]

What should I do about all these questions though? Will they go away with time?

[Alty]

Don't confront him, it won't change anything, and most likely he won't admit any of the things you're accusing him of anyway.

Just move on with your life, find someone you can actually trust. Leave the past in the past. No good can come from confronting him. He's not worth it anyway.

Good luck.

[mystific]

Ask yourself what confronting him will achieve.

You'll get answers you mostly likely not want to hear. Guaranteed questions like 'was I not good enough', 'why did you do this to me' will follow.. do you really need to hear why? Is it worth more heartbreak and an even longer recovery period.

Cut your losses and leave the questions unanswered. Sometimes it pays to suck it up and let sleeping dogs lie.

[talaniman]

What is it with you an your exes? You just keep hoping and taking them back, and end up in the same place, wondering what's going on.

After merging your threads its obvious you keep repeating the same actions again and again, and getting the same outcome.

My advice is to leave all the exes alone.