[the gunslinger]

Hello!

I was diagnosed with depression recently, and anyway, the doctor put me on citalopram, which actually helped a great deal. There's a history of it in my family and my mother was on the same stuff.

Ive noticed some side effects with it, not the least of which has been either difficulty maintaining an erection, or insensitivity during sex or masturbation, which makes it difficult to reach climax. My fiancée and me have talked about this, and she suggested we try doing it bareback, as we always use condoms and I've discovered recently that they make me even more insensitive. She has been prescribed to be put on the nuva ring, and of course were not going to try this right away, not for another month and a bit at least, we both want to make sure its effective. We are both 100% clean, no issues there, and were not necessarily worried about any babymaking, though we would like to avoid that if possible, no BC method is 100% as we all know.

My questions are these: is there anything else I can do to make my little best friend more sensitive during sex? and also, aside from the nuva ring website which claims its 99% effective if used correctly, how effective is it REALLY?

Thanks for your time everyone, and ill let you know when the wedding is!

:)

[J_9]

Impotence is a known side effect of Celexa (citalopram), as well as many other anti depressants/anti anxiety meds. You may want to discuss a change of meds with your doctor to a med that has a lesser chance of this side effect.

The nuva ring is birth "Control" and just that. It is not 100% effective (nor is the condom) and the chance of pregnancy still exists.

[Sarah48375]

I have been on the nuva ring for almost two years, and as of yet, my boyfriend and I are baby free. However, the nuva ring has caused me to be less sensitive! Lol It's not that I can't climax. It's just a lot harder.

[the gunslinger]

Thanks for the feedback so far :)

I guess we'll just have to work a little harder to get ourselves off >.>. More excersize though!

Ive found that not masterbating helps... as well as waiting for a few weeks before sexual encounters.

We'll see what happens. Im still open to any other feedback :).

[kp2171]

I don't have much to add onto j_9's post, but ill respond, as you asked me to look at your post. Watch me write a novel now, as I usually do... I can use many words to "not add much"

As she said, its not uncommon to see issues in the bedroom with meds that treat depression. Talking to your doctor about alternative meds or dosage schedules and amounts is certainly what I would do were I in your position. Its frustrating when you find one that seems to do a good job in one area, yet can cause issues in another... but that's something you will just need to work through.

The fact that you are having issues with self stimulation indicates that this is not likely just tied to issues your partner. Meaning, if you were very responsive to another or to self stim you might have issues tied to your partner that would be the first subject to approach. I will mention some things about how to approach your relationship, as any incremental improvements can sometimes help, but again... I think its "good news" that you are having the same issues with self stim as you are with her... not really good news of course, but it might point toward the drug or issues outside the relationship.

First, having been through one ugly about of depression myself, and another small spurt that I cut off before it got to me hard, I have some understanding of what you've been through. Tough stuff. No fun. Sometimes desire for healthy, responsive sex isn't enough to make it happen, unfortunately, even with a patient and willing partner.

The things that help me ward off anxiety or depression are the same things that increase my libido and my sexual response. Exercise is one of the biggest things for me. The more I move my body, the more in touch I feel. The more self condident I am, the more outgoing. I simply have an increased libido when I work out. Something to consider, since exercise is also known to help with depression. In addition, studies of men with ED issues found exercise statistically improved the bedroom problems in many men. Regular, scheduled exercise can often help both problems.

There are other studies that show common ED problems in younger men can often be tied to mental blocks, and some form of counseling can often help performance. My opinion and my experience is that stress can be a real hit to your drive and your performance. So in addition to the meds issue, exercise and counseling are good angles of attack.

Lack of proper sleep, poor nutrition, illness, smoking, drug and alcohol use, pollution in your environment… all of these can contribute to your health mentally and physically… so all are opportunities, perhaps, for improvement. The "better" you live your life, the better your chances of being responsive. What happens outside the bedroom can certainly affect what happens inside the bedroom... though sometimes "failure" to respond as you'd like is just a blip. It happens. No need to panic, but certainly there are things you, and anyone else, can try to optimize. Stress and lack of sleep are the two killers for my partners libido and responsiveness in bed. If she's tired and distracted I could do "all the right things" and get her nowhere.

Id keep in contact with your doctor about any changes you make in your lifestyle. You can also talk to your doctor about dosages, though this might not be something he/she cares to do. I've seen studies where a "drug holiday"... where the dosage isn't lowered but there is a break in taking it, like over a weekend... can still maintain the overall wellness intended and also give a brief reprieve which allowed for an improvement in sexual response. in NO WAY am i suggesting you design your own schedule. Some drugs take too long to wash out of the system for this to work. It isn't smart to ever modify your meds without the consent of your medical provider.

Below is a link that talks about management of antidepressant drugs tied to decreased sexual performance. This is a review article that has many citations of primary medical journals... meaning I trust it. It has legitimate sources and is written the way a proper medical review should be written. It is the kind of thing you can print and take to your doctor for review. If your physician isn't willing to do the work to find the right med for you or is unsure how to approach it, you might seek out another doctor, or at least ask for a referral to a specialist who can help with depression and the effects of drugs.
Depression and Sexual Desire - August 15, 2000 - American Family Physician

Another online site article from highly respected johns hopkins... this one is not a medical review nor is it primary literature... its just stating most of the ideas I've mentioned in a summarized, more "pedestrian" form when compared to the first link.
Johns Hopkins: Depression|Anxiety on antidepressants and sexual dysfunction

Again, don't make any changes without talking to your physician... but feel free to openly communicate to your doctor. One issue might be if he/she doesn't specialize in dealing with depression and sexual side effects, your doctor may not have much experience in working the different angles. The problem is compounded by people being unwilling to talk about sexual dysfunction... so open up and talk, and see how willing your doctor seems to be to work with you in this area.

Next... you are engaged to be married, and you've stated there is the issue of stress with your partner sometimes unpredictably retreating from the simplest decisions and its caused stress. The more you both can openly talk, including openly disagree without it sending both into a two or three day funk, the better. The first few years of marriage can actually be challenging, “honeymoon” period or not. The more you can talk about money, goals, sex, the past, the future, etc… the better. Again... that you are having issues with self stim and in bed indicates this might not be the primary source of your problem, but sometimes several small improvements (exercise, lower stress, better sleep and diet, etc) can have a larger cumulative effect. Little things can add up to performance issues, and little improvements can sometimes reverse that phenomenon. It'll likely take some time before your physician might change meds if you've just started... give your body time to adjust... but you certainly can begin to perhaps make some other changes now.

Your partner seems to be open and willing to help you work through this. I'm glad you are talking to her about it. Keep it up. One good way to begin open dialogue, and something I seem to be mentioning over and over, is to find a book that you can both read through and share. I likely mention this often because it works for me. So, for ex, you can easily start a fairly comfortable discussion by reading a book like The Five Love Languages. Nothing about it signals “i think we are in trouble”… it talks about how to understand the ways in which couples sometimes communicate in different “dialects” and how to sometimes avoid misunderstandings through a different perspective. An easy read, an easy share, and a good way to start talking. If she is surprised you picked it up, all you have to do is say you are interested in making your relationship strong on all levels, and sometimes that means learning different approaches from others.

Likewise, books like For Richer, Not Poorer, or Smart Couples Finish Rich, (about how couples can deal with money) and books like How to Give Her Absolute Pleasure, or the She Comes First / He Comes Next series (about sex of course) are good ways to broaden your perspective and to help you share ideas about your relationship in common areas of stress in marriages. Its best to learn to swim before the boat tips, right? And it best to read and learn about relationships before you fall into common pitfalls.

If her drive is just much stronger than yours, and you have some issues with ED, you might consider getting her to orgasm with oral (she comes first is a decent book if you need help) more often, and then when you are primed and feel ready perhaps you can start intercourse without worrying about performance for her satisfaction, since shell already have a “win”… while this isn't a long term solution, having a few positive experiences without distraction might be a good way to chip at that mental block that is likely in place.

Likewise, as you've found, cut back on "problem solving"... decreased self stimulation is helping you. When you crave sex, instead of pushing the issue, allow sexual tension to build. Kiss her, touch her sensually (skin on skin, connecting, but not necessarily leading to sex), even pleasure her without it being about you... the more you can build sexual tension through mental relaxation and sensual touch, the better your response will hopefully be.