[Romefalls19]

Well, I didn't think I would be back at this so soon. But yes, me and my girlfriend have broken up. She found a list of girls names I had written back in March. The reason for the list was I was struggling to come to terms that I would find someone else and that my ex was all I would have. My cousin told me to make a list of girls you have hooked up with. Then after that, put a number 1-4 by them.. 1 being a fling, 4 being relationship. Well I had 4's on there and she took it as a sex list. There was also a close friend of mine that had a 4 becase she helped me through my break up so I thought maybe it would be a relationship. WRONG! Well this morning my ex needed to use a notebook, so while at work she texted me asking if she could borrow one.. I told her sure, top shelf. Well she found the list and doesn't believe me that it's not a sex list. She said " I need time to think", so using what I learned on this forum, I IMMEDIATELY ceased texting or calling. Then she texts me "delete my #'s, i got my stuff, n ill mail or stop over before work to give you yours"

Now, what should I do if she decides to stop over and give me my stuff?

[Fr_Chuck]

Tell her exactly what you told us, but don't expect it to help, sounds like a list you never should have made. Cousin should buy the first round tonight

[Romefalls19]

My whole thing was, the list was made back in March, before we were dating. We had kissed the night before. I completely forgot about the list until she mentioned it. I would make him by the first round, but he's overseas in Iraq, makes it hard ha ha

[PraginOut]

I IMMEDIATELY ceased texting or calling.

I know bugging a girl is the wrong thing to do, but she may have taken this as you having a guilty conscience?
Remember trust is key! From my experience if it starts of badly, it'll end even worse. If she isn't willing to hear you out.. is it worth it?

[Romefalls19]

I tried to reason with her at first, about explaining the list... but when she said she needs think, that's when I gave her the space she wanted

[losingit77]

Sorry to hear Rome. In this case I think the best thing to do is try to explain to her exactly what you just told us. You at least need to clear the air at this point. After that, the ball is in her court and you could begin with the NC. But I would at least make an attempt to clear this misunderstanding up first. It seems like a really silly reason to break up with a person. And if after you clear the air, if she still wants to break up then that's all on her. If that's enough to make her want to breakup with you imagine what the future would have held.

[Romefalls19]

Yea, I'm just going to explain what the whole reason behind the list was and then just let her decide. While she is deciding, NC is my choice definitely. One thing I have learned, I have been down this road before and got through it.

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life - it goes on."

[brian1231]

Sounds like you are handling it well. If she breaks up with you over something this small, it wasn't meant to be and it is better you found this out now rather than later and wasted more time.

My last ex and I BU a few times for a day or so over stupid stuff like this. Id always come crawling back. It just prolonged things.

You didn't do anything THAT bad. It was before you two were together, she should understand that.

[Romefalls19]

I just sucks because she thinks I cheated on her with the friend because of a rumor that said friend decided to start while I was still working there because I turned her down while she was drunk. She was "hurt" and started a rumor saying we slept together, WHICH DID NOT HAPPEN, and now she is bringing that up.

It's like I'm paying for her exes mistakes because he cheated on her so many times. I despise cheaters and think it's cowardly. Just break up with the person for pete's sake

[brian1231]

I just sucks because she thinks I cheated on her with the friend because of a rumor that said friend decided to start while I was still working there because I turned her down while she was drunk. She was "hurt" and started a rumor saying we slept together, WHICH DID NOT HAPPEN, and now she is bringing that up.

It's like I'm paying for her exes mistakes because he cheated on her so many times. I despise cheaters and think it's cowardly. Just break up with the person for pete's sake

It seems to me like there was a lack of trust. If you are paying for her ex's mistake, she is not over him.

In a few weeks or even months you will realize this is for the best.

If a relationship was meant to work, it wouldn't end over something foolish like this, now would it?

[miller3]

Ahhhh, dude that sucks. Hey try try try... sorry buddy!

[Romefalls19]

Exactly, I mean, women do over react sometimes and she could change her mind. But no begging or pleading from my end. I realized how far that got me last time with my ex, when she drops off my stuff, I will explain the whole story and then let her decide

[Romefalls19]

Update...

She sent me this email

I don't think you would lie, I don't know just some of it just doesn't seem right especially the girl with the same name it just doesn't sit right. I really want to believe you and part of me does but there is just a little part of me saying don't be stupid you've gone through this before. Not to mention when I first asked you about it you told me it was how many times we hooked up and then you change it to the whole relationship thing I just don't get it there are too many things that just don't seem right with the situation

I responded with...

I;m not lying... I really wish you would believe me. I have been there for you, every step of the way. When you first mentioned your name, I thought you saw something else then I realized I threw that away. (I was counting something completely differently) that's why that changed. There's nothing I can do to prove it to you. Don't let your past dictate your future

[tolerance]

Yes, we women do tend to overact sometimes. Give her a few days to cool off. There plenty of time where I needed time to cool off. This will show you what type of person she is. If the relationship is strong enough your will pull through it because it was your past and this list was created before her. Have she ever been cheated on by any past boyfriends?

[Romefalls19]

ALL of her exes have lied, cheated and abused her. Her ex husband was a HUGE d*ck, beat her in front of her kids, wouldn't let her have any money, did drugs(hard stuff), wouldn't take her out(like to his "friends" house) would take his female roommate out... Yeah, she has a horrible rapsheet when it comes to exes

[Romefalls19]

She responded with this cryptic message ha ha... it sounds like a "I wanna stay together" but as a guy I am unsure by what it means ha ha

You have been here for me and I do owe it to you to trust what your saying, it just really took me by surprise I wasn't expecting to see something like that next time I'll just write on my hand or something I don't know it was just weird because all the names with a 4 on them had something in common except for Sam which had a 3 then was marked out to 4 and with all the stuff that happened with the rumors & stuff just I don't know but I love you and you haven't lied to me before so I don't know why you would start now

[tolerance]

With the things that happen in her past she was if anything hurt and confused by this letter and needed some time to think about it, which she has. Take this time to have any open talk with her. She just like I told you needed some cool off time to clear her head.

[N0help4u]

Always remember when you make lists to make sense of something BURN it after you figured it out.
I would tell her what you told us and it sounds like the list was before you got together or even met her. Maybe you could tell her that she is free to talk to the girls on the list and they will verify that they are ex's and have had no contact with you in x amount of months or yrs.
Don't go into NO contact (unless she says) yet since it was a misunderstanding that hopefully works out.

Also point out to her that if you had anything to hide you sure wouldn't have told her to grab THAT notebook,

[Romefalls19]

Thanks for all the advice guys! She finally got to clear her head and came to her senses and realized that I deserve to be trusted and that I never have given her a reason to not to believe me.

I do have to thank EVERYONE on this forum for EVERYTHING you guys have taught me. I could very well have been calling, texting, messaging frantically and made her even more angry but through the information I have learned from you guys. I let her cool down and realize what she was actually getting angry over and it worked out.

[plonak]

Im glad Rome, yeah sometimes people just need to be left alone for a little bit to collect their thoughts.. these things happen in a relationship, and that's why communication and trust is so important.. I'm happy for you man!