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girlygirl08 · Jul 31, 2008, 07:22 AM

I'm 17 years old and I been dating my boyfriend who is 19 for 3 years.. I thought we were being careful but I just found out that I'm 10 weeks pregnant. He is steping up to the responsibility we just got an apartment he has a job but I don't because I need to finish my senior year of high school. I am not sure how we will provide for our child. Adoption and abortion are not options. I am keeping my child. How can we make ends meat? Any suggestions or success stories?

N0help4u · Jul 31, 2008, 08:37 AM

Live within your means.
Make sure your rent is always paid up first and then get on a budget with the utility companies and make sure you pay them.
Take the first week of the month's income and whatever portion of the second week to pay the bills with. Then the rest of the month income basically divide into 4 weeks and only spend that much each week.

Ask friends and family for any furniture and things they might want to get rid of.
Shop at second hand stores, yard sales and flea markets
Do not buy anything full price.
Stock up on grocery sale items and use coupons.

See if there is a food bank in your area and you will be eligible for WIC too (in USA)

I see so many young moms sell their food stamps, get things from rent a center and get cable TV etc...
And then they cry that they can not afford to feed their kids.

ISneezeFunny · Jul 31, 2008, 08:44 AM

As n0help said... perhaps asking family and friends for support may help.

On another note... he was 17 when you were 15... when you two started dating. Depending on state laws, if you two were engaging in a sexual relationship, he may have been breaking a law...

I wish you the best of luck.

N0help4u · Jul 31, 2008, 08:49 AM

Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

On another note...he was 17 when you were 14...when you two started dating. Depending on state laws, if you two were engaging in a sexual relationship, he may have been breaking a law...

Actually in many states they don't enforce anything against a minor with a minor.

ISneezeFunny · Jul 31, 2008, 08:50 AM

True, but what about when he was 18 and she was 16?

N0help4u · Jul 31, 2008, 08:52 AM

Still should be okay.

I think the gap that is not legal at all anywhere is 15 year old (or younger) with 19 year old or older.

girlygirl08 · Jul 31, 2008, 10:02 AM

I know our relationship isn't very legal and I met him while I was pretty young but do you think he will get arrested for getting me pregnant? If so what should I do?

N0help4u · Jul 31, 2008, 10:04 AM

What state do you live in? Were you 17 10 weeks ago?
Pretty much the hospital or your parents or somebody would have to press charges against him --usually.
I am assuming that if your name is on the lease that 17 is considered a legal age in your state?

zunzabar08 · Jul 31, 2008, 10:06 AM

Check with the WIC office, they should help with the formula.
Remember, you both are still very young and have a lot of living to do. Always keep something put up for you and the baby, mama's baby daddys maybe.

girlygirl08 · Jul 31, 2008, 10:14 AM

I live in Tennessee and yes 17 10 weeks ago.

djbowens · Jul 31, 2008, 10:36 AM

You don't have to worry about your boyfriend getting arrested, unless he is doing illegal things (which I hope he's not). It's great that you want to finish high school because in order to care for your child, you will need a good job. Also, don't think that you won't be able to go to college (which would help provide an even better life for you & baby). There are many scholarships available for single mothers (you would qualify even though you have a boyfriend since you aren't married) and many schools have day-care centers - there are also a lot of day-cares that will provide some sort of financial aid if you can't afford the full price. You just need to start doing the research now. Like n0help4u said - start figuring out how to budget your money and if you can't afford cable, then don't sign up for it! Good luck with everything!

N0help4u · Jul 31, 2008, 10:42 AM

Since he is within four years of your age you are okay.

mimi03 · Jul 31, 2008, 11:21 AM

Originally Posted by N0help4u

Since he is within four years of your age you are okay.

This can't be true for all states, Is it??
I know of a case (from the media and such) where a guy was sentenced to 10 years in prison for consensual sex with a girl not even 3 years younger than him (she was 16 and he'd just turned 18 at the time of the act) but because she was under 18 and he was 18 he was convicted of aggravated child molestation... under Georgia's Child Protection Act.

Not sure if Tennessee's laws are as harsh, guess they should be careful of that.

N0help4u · Jul 31, 2008, 11:27 AM

I looked up her state on moral outrage and another site and it said that Tennessee between 13 and 18 they have to be within 4 years of an age difference.

Many states have just changed the law within the past couple years too to lower the age of consent to 16 with up to a 4 year age difference.

mimi03 · Jul 31, 2008, 11:31 AM

Originally Posted by N0help4u

I looked up her state on moral outrage and another site and it said that Tennessee between 13 and 18 they have to be within 4 years of an age difference.

Many states have just changed the law within the past couple years too to lower the age of consent to 16 with up to a 4 year age difference.

Wow are you saying a 16 yr old can consent to sex with a 20 yr old in some states!
I have a 16 yr old sister and that would freak me out if she dated a 18-20 yr old guy to be honest...

N0help4u · Jul 31, 2008, 11:31 AM

Yep. My state is just one of them

I think some states don't even put a four year limit from a couple things I read on this site

Rabbit91 · Jul 31, 2008, 12:01 PM

I think you guys should be very supportive, caring and loving of each other no matter how hard it gets.

Your creating a miracle together.

:)

mimi03 · Jul 31, 2008, 12:42 PM

Originally Posted by girlygirl08

I'm 17 years old and i been dating my boyfriend who is 19 for 3 years.. I thought we were being careful but i just found out that i'm 10 weeks pregnant. He is steping up to the responsibility we just got an apartment he has a job but i don't because i need to finish my senior year of high school. i am not sure how we will provide for our child. Adoption and abortion are not options. I am keeping my child. How can we make ends meat? any suggestions or success stories??

It's good to hear that at the very least he's going to be there for you and your child.

Depending on how much he's able to make at his current job he may have to work a second job to keep up with the financial obligations... I would encourage that if it's possible.

You should also try to find a part time job and work until you need to stop for the baby... Try to use this money to save as much as you can. Often times there are unexpected expenses and no one can every have too much emergency cash.

Like others have said You will qualify for WIC, please take advantage of this (I know a couple of girls that can get it but refuse to take a "hand out"... this is not the attitude for a mother to have)

If your family are willing and able to help with furniture, baby clothes, bottles, a crib, car seat etc. Don't be ashamed to take a hand me down.

Also you can go to your local health department to get help there (someone please correct me if Im wrong).

Assuming you have a determined and good hearted boyfriend, I wish you guys the best and I hope that you can return to school (go to college or vocational school) once your baby is born and old enough for childcare.
The best tip I can give:
Just try to remember to be loving, considerate and supportive of each other ex...
If he has to work 2 or 3 jobs to support you and the baby consider that before there's an argument about how he's too lazy to help around the house... on the other hand, If you are tired from being with the baby all day and keeping the house tidy he shouldn't put you down if you need to take a break from cooking a couple nights of the week. If you two can keep those things (being loving, considerate and supportive) as priorities I think you'll have a good foundation to build from.

girlygirl08 · Jul 31, 2008, 01:13 PM

OK. Now with WIC that leads to another question. I have heard many woman complain that WIC isn't enough and that baby formula is very expensive.. So I thought we could save money if I nursed but am I too young to nurse?

girlygirl08 · Jul 31, 2008, 01:29 PM

And another question.. Our families are handling the news totally different my family isn't trilled but they are willing to help. His family hates the idea. When we first told them his mother told me that needed to get an abortion because if I didn't all three of us was going to go to hell. His sisters call me names like tramp and slut under their breath. The only person that is helpful is his dad. My boyfriend have tried to talk to his folks about it but they don't want to hear him out. What can we do besides totally withdrawing from them because I think the baby should have a relationship with both sides.