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He has a kid?
I work with my mom in a cafeteria and a guy that comes through the line every morning asked my mom about me (if I was single and what not). So he gives me his number and I don't call him because I am to shy, so my mom gives him my number. He calls me while I was out to supper with my mom and my aunt(who I also work with). I ended up inviting him out to horseshoes Monday night with a lot of my family there. He got along great with my family and then he asked me what I was doing next Friday or Saturday. I said I was going camping with my family, and he could stop by if he wanted to. So my Aunt came and sat by us and she was like "So are you coming camping with us this weekend". And he said yes. And so the problem is, is that I just found out today (by a coworker, not by him) that he has a 4yr old little boy. And he is going to be at the campground this coming week-end.
What should I say, if anything? He is 28, I am 19. And I have never really been in a serious relationship. And I am a virgin. I am freaking out because I don't know what to do. My mom is mad at me because she says if you like him, you like him... having a kid shouldn't matter. I don't know how to take this information. Any advice would be great! Thanks |
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Like your mom said if you like him, you like him. His having a son shouldn't make you think any different of him. If he wants to do things you are not ready for and do not want to do make that clear to him.
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Ok, its really hard for a guy to bring up a child. Most women find it a turn off. Ask him about it. I ALWAYS ask if they have a child.. I have learned to think that every guy who is over 16 might have a kid. It saves me the shock when I find out they do.
Make sure there isn't bad blood between him and the mom, or that he is still interested. I mean, that's his kids mom.. you know. Take things slow. Being a virgin is nothing to be ashamed about. And just cause he has a kid, doesn't mean he is expecting you to have sex with him. At least he shouldn't. |
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Why would u be scared that he has a child there's nothing wrong with him having a child maybe u just need to ask him for the whole picture
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Like iDish said in her response:
You are barely friends yet so the fact that he has a child isn't your business/concern but If you do start to date this man it will be something to carefully and thoroughly evaluate. Some people see no problem with dating someone with children. In fact, I know people with and without children who refuse to do it while others have no problem with it. There's no wrong answer! Just take things slow, very slow. Don't feel pressured to do things (sexually) until you are ready... not convinced or guilted but 100% w/o a doubt ready... And being READY doesn't mean being sexually aroused:: Being ready for sex also means knowing you have the resources financially and emotionally to accept and take care of the consequences of an unplanned pregnancy or even an unknown STI/STD. And that's just the beginning... Enjoy your camping trip with your family and if you are interested in this man, be a friend first! |
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Thanks everyone :)
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At 19 I think there is a very clear reason why you would be concerned with dating someone who has a kid...
I am 24 and I still tend to steer away from women with kids, because quite honestly... I'm not ready to take care of a kid, and when I was 19 I would have had no interest at all in dealing with a kid... has nothing to do with the person, its just the fact that I'm not ready for kids... if it happens then it happens, but if I can prevent it I will do what I can through contraceptives or not dating people with kids |
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So just an update from the weekend... So when he showed up Friday he was already kind of drunk (I don't blame him.. hanging out with my family all weekend and not knowing them, he had to be nervous) but anyway, so he annoyed the heck out of me.. he just kept talking.. my aunt said its because he was extremely nervous. So then it was time for bed and we went our separate ways.
Saturday morning I woke up and I had a flat tire, he fixed it :) He was a lot more tolerable Saturday. And so we all started drinking around 10ish and me and my mom went on a walk to talk about my brother and he taged along. The conversation was quite intense because my older brother has a drug problem and my mom is having a hard time with it. But anyway so as we were walking we all had a beer and I threw my can in a tree(bad I know). And we got back to the camping site and he asked me where my can was.. I told him and so he made me go with him to go get it. He grabbed my hand and walk towards the tree.. well we were all playing botchy ball earlier and someone forgot a ball so I stopped and picked it up and quit holding his hand. We got back to the campsite again and I got more drunk. I was starting to get pretty talkative and what not. So it got dark and almost everyone has went to bed. So I stumbled to my car to roll up my windows.. and I sat in my car for a few minutes trying to call my friend.. so I seen him in my mirror that he was coming.. he opened my door and kneeled down. And we were just talking.. I didn't look at him at all.. I kept looking out the window. And then he asked what I was trying to avoid because of what idish said.. he asked if I ever had a boyfriend.. I was like umm... not a serious relationship.. and then he was like I would really like to be your boyfriend.. I just sat there.. really awkward! I didn't say anything and then I got out of my car and he grabbed my hand and we walked back to the campfire. Every one went to bed and we sat there and talked and talked. It started to lightning so I was like I should go to bed. He was like you can come sleep with me in my tent. I was like umm NO. I am sleeping right there. (pointed at the camper) He was like OK, and smiled, and that was that. So I go to bed and wake up Sunday morning and he came and sat next to me around the fire and just talked some more. Around 11ish today it was time to leave. So as he was getting his chair I walked to my car and yelled "bye jeremiah".. he said bye and smiled.. and then as I backed out I said thanks for fixing my tire.. his face lit up and said your welcome. He did talk about his son too.. actually the very first night he brought him up. I don't know if I should date him or not.. I am confused for some reason.. |
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If you like him, go for it! Give it a try... you never know where it may lead!! :) Sounds like you had an OK time! He is very interested.. and seems understanding about the whole not having a serious relationship thing.
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First, there is no excuse for him showing up drunk! But this does give you an idea of how he handles stressful or uncomfortable situations... by drinking too much. That's NOT attractive!
I don't know, I think he has an agenda... Holding hands, OK that sounds VErY innocent but coupled with inviting you to his tent to sleep! You haven't even gone on a date with him! I would have felt awkward and as if that behavior was a little too much for two strangers just hanging out (for the first time). Also he tagged along uninvited while you were talking to your mom about a family problem... NOT OK, that was rude and quite frankly none of his business to be involved in! It does sound like you are interested in him from what you wrote so... Like I said before. Try to develop a FRIENDSHIP first! Learn about HIM, You have to see beyond all of the polite conversations and hand holding to really get to know him. I think the comedian Chris Rock mentioned that when you meet someone you are meeting their "representative"... Of course they are not going to tell you they are stubborn and selfish or jealous with an anger problem, So keep things in perspective you have a lot to learn about him before things are taken too far. And don't be afraid to say "No":: "No, I dont want to hold your hand, We are not a couple." "Please wait here this is a private conversation..." use this the next time he tries to 'tag along'... Be assertive, Don't give him a reason to think he has found a young, naïve girl who can be easily persuaded. Present yourself as a mature young LADY with morals, values and expectations! I think you did well on this trip but if you decide to date this guy and he shows up drunk again, KICK HIM TO THE CURB girl :) |
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Why the heck is a 28 YEAR OLD looking at a 19 YEAR OLD???
Isn't it awkward...? And he has a 4 year old kid! |
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 Originally Posted by hjpan
But regardless of personal opinions, I've seen many relationships with age gaps that big or bigger work out fine. |
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Originally Posted by flash84x
Just a 28 year old with a child looking at a 19 year old? Why not a 25 year old? |
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Originally Posted by hjpan
I definitely think this man is going to try to manipulate her. The age gap and life experiences are much too broad in this situation IMO |
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What is seriously wrong with this picture. I could find a few problems. The mom is off for one, the whole family hangs out together, but no one has a problem with this 19 year old drinking. Then she brings a man I mean GROWN man with on a family camping trip... over nights? The mom is okay with it. The mom has no problem with this 28 year old with the 4 yearold looking at her 19 year old. This is all so sketchy... yuck
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Originally Posted by mimi03
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Ok, so I feel like me and my family is being put down here.. So I am 19 and drink on occasions.. You can't tell me none of you guys drank at 19? And the way my mom sees it, is that she would rather me being with her and drinking, other than me being some where else. And a lot of my family have dated either younger or older. Its not like I go get drunk and drive or make dumb decisions. Obviously you read that part, right? I didn't kiss him, I didn't have sex with him.. what did I do wrong? So I let him hold my hand.. MY HAND people! Not my butt, not my leg.. my hand! I didn't come here to get hated on for drinking under age or to hear what a bad mother I have...
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Originally Posted by greeneyedbaby
Thank you for your answer! I feel like you understand the situation more.. |
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The whole holding the hand thing isn't the issue, it's that he took you by the hand back up to go pick up your liter, like you are a child. Oops you kind of are compared to him. My problem with the drinking isn't how often, it's that your mother seems to be the supplier, NOT AT ALL OKAY.
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And I will elaborate more to my comment above as to why I disagree. I don't think that this girl is mature enough to handle what is required of you to take care of a four year old boy. That requires being mature enough to make good decisions and be a role model. She has a lot of living left to do and it is best that this girl who is on this particular site asking for what she should do, should perhaps take some time to figure it out on her own. She in my opinion isn't displaying very good choices, drinking at 19 w/ your mom isn't smething that everybody does. Dating someone that is so much older than you, takes maturity or you can really loose who you are. I think she should find herself first
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