[action jackson]

I'm not sure if anyone remembers but I made a post in here titled "Insane GF pt.1". I had it deleted because she found it by going through my emails. It had everything that bothered me about her in it and it really hurt her. I begged her to take me back and to forgive me but now things are worse. She gets angry at me when I want to hang out with my friends and I don't feel that I can be myself around her. I told her I needed time apart and then she got really emotional so I told her we are going to call this off. She told be she would change and that she could be everything that I want. I don't want her to change; she is who she is and so am I. I don't feel I can be honest with her and I told her this and before she said that it couldn't work but now that I am breaking up with her it can. She tried to break up with me 2 weeks ago and I don't think anything has changed or will change.
My question is that I really do care about her and I really want her to be happy and me to be myself again but I can't do that around her. Should I break things off and hope that I eventually be friends with her again? Should I give her another chance even though deep down I know that things won't change nomatter how hard we try?

[Fr_Chuck]

Why can't you be yourself around her?? If it is because she does not want to be with "you" if you are yourself, then you are with the wrong person, period.

Now if you want a girl fiiend, she is not going to want you "hanging" with all your old friends all the time ( really hardly any at tall) so if you want to hang, then you don't need a girl friend merely friends.

[jc105]

My girl just left me for these reasons and now I agree with her. My advice is that people do not change into the people you want them to be. They become themselves without any sort of intentions or guidance. I didn't notice that I did it to my girl, that is restrict her and how she acts. Looking back I see myself doing it and see both of us changing into different people.

She isn't going to want to hear any reasoning behind it, trust me. She will only see rejection, sorry, but its true. Its up to you to take the reigns and end it before it drags any further. Me and my ex let it go for over a year before she got fed up and moved out.

Now that she is gone and I met up with her a month later, I realized she wasn't the girl I wanted, or the girl I once knew.

Trust me, both people need to have the feelings and the ambition to make the relationship work. If you don't feel that it is right, end it. I feel horrible telling someone that, only because that type of advice made me want to kill people about a month ago, but it is for the best. You will both find that you are happier, she will come around soon enough, but more importantly if it is meant to be, you will feel drawn back to her. If it doesn't happen than it obviously isn't what you want/need.

[Cgirl]

Good advice JC105!! There is nothing I could add to that accept the fact that you have to be yourself. It is when we loose ourselves and try to be something we are not, that we Truly loose. She can't be anything different then who she is, as you can't. She can pretend to be someone else for a short while, but in the end the true self will come back out. IF her "true" self is not what you want, then you should move on. I wish you the best, hang in there, she will be OK and so will you!

[action jackson]

My girl just left me for these reasons and now I agree with her. My advice is that people do not change into the people you want them to be. They become themselves without any sort of intentions or guidance. I didn't notice that I did it to my girl, that is restrict her and how she acts. Looking back I see myself doing it and see both of us changing into different people.

She isn't going to want to hear any reasoning behind it, trust me. She will only see rejection, sorry, but its true. Its up to you to take the reigns and end it before it drags any further. Me and my ex let it go for over a year before she got fed up and moved out.

Now that she is gone and I met up with her a month later, I realized she wasn't the girl I wanted, or the girl I once knew.

Trust me, both people need to have the feelings and the ambition to make the relationship work. If you don't feel that it is right, end it. I feel horrible telling someone that, only because that type of advice made me want to kill people about a month ago, but it is for the best. You will both find that you are happier, she will come around soon enough, but more importantly if it is meant to be, you will feel drawn back to her. If it doesn't happen than it obviously isn't what you want/need.

That's exactly what I feel. I think. Im not sure. Sounds kind of weird and childish but I am really torn between giving her a scond chance and knowing that it will fail or just end it. I reallly really care about her and this is tearing me apart but I can't deal with it again for a month then go through this again. I'm meeting her soon and I am going to tell her this and then I am going to die when she gets upset and starts crying then grabbing at me and begging me to keep her asking why don't I love her. Im already crying about it now.

I'm not sure what I am asking for here. Maybe someone to tell me that I am doing the right thing? Maybe to tell me that this is for the best and everything will be better even though I feel otherwise. Thanks to all for everything.

[wassup04]

I would just make sure you know what you're doing. I think you might just be upset and may be forgetting why you were with her in the first place. Maybe it's not a question of changing, maybe it is just comprimising on both ends. I think that from the sounds of it you really care about her and I would just be careful to not destroy something that might really be worth it. Love is'nt supposed to be easy. It sounds to me like you two are both fursterated. I'm sure she doesn't 'not want you to hang out with your friends' it was probably a misunderstanding, you should talk to her and ask her about that. As for not feeling you can be yourself around her, why is that? Have you asked her about that? Were you yourself before? I'm sure you can be yourself around her, but that you're just going through a hard time now. If you two talk to each other and can open up that way, then I'm sure you will be able to work it out. People don't "change", you're right about that, but her realizing that the way she sometimes acts and trying to act better isn't changing herself, its just learning and growing, which is exactly what you're supposted to do in a relationship. I think if you leave her now you are giving up too easy. Try it once more, I'm sure it will work out. Good Luck & Don't give up!

[getupboy123]

Hey action,
It's kind of weird, I had almost the same situation as you. And let me tell you there is light at the end of the tunnel. I thought my girlfriend didn't want me to be with my friends, and I gradually thought that I couldn't be myself around her at times because she would get upset over silly things and we almost broke up several times. I told her I wanted to end it, that I needed time, but she begged me to give her another chance and said that she would change, I, like you told her that people don't change and that I didn't want her to change. After talking to her a couple times I gave her another chance, even though I was totally pessimistic about it (I thought the same thing was going to happen and we would be in the same situation again soon), but to tell you the truth things got better. She told me how she felt, how she did want me to be myself, how she did want me to be with my friends and that it was a misunderstanding between us and that she didn't want to change, she just wanted to learn to be better, more tolerent, paitient and less emotional. It worked. We talk more now than ever, and although it took some time and some trusting, I feel like I can completely be myself around her now (even though before I thought it would never happen), I hang out with my friends, and we both hang out with them together, she hasn't changed, she has just grown into something better and I haven't changed either. I am the happiest I've ever been and even though it hurt, it took the fight and the momentary break up for us to get to where we are now. I wouldn't trade her for anything, we've been going strong for longer than we were going out before the break up. I just want to tell you, even though its hard you should give her another chance, just one, and yeah if it doesn't work out it will probably hurt, but not as much as it will hurt if you don't just try.

[fredg]

HI, Action,
A relationship means caring, love, respect, and wanting the other to be happy. There isn't always feelings of "a bed of roses", but arguments can be worked out, if both know they have to "compromise". Compromise is the key word in any relationship. Being married now for 29 yrs. Makes me sure of that.
Another very important attitude in any relationship is to "be yourself". Being yourself is the only way to go; because if you find someone, and you will eventually, both of you have to be yourself for it to work.
If you can't be yourself around this girl, then move on.
It will take some time, but talking with new girls will help you get over this.
I do wish you the best, and good luck.

[action jackson]

I just want to say thank you to everyone that has helped me out with their guidance. I have decided that we need to take time to figure out what we want. Despite her final prostest, I received an email saying that she understands and that she really wants me to be myself around her and I really do what that. I do however need time to find myself in theat sense again and build up my self-esteem to be able to do that and hopefully in this time she will think about what she needs to improve on. I am not going to rush back into this right away as I do actually need time and if I do and things don't change then it really will be over. I hope I am doing the right thing. Thanks again everyone.

[fredg]

Hi, Action,
You are quite welcome, and sounds like you are making some very good decisions and growing with those decisions.
We all grow every day, learning more about different things. All the best to you.
PS, With your experiences, and if you have time, why not jump right in here and answer some questions others ask?

[getupboy123]

Hey action,
I think you are making the right decision. The best thing for you to do is to take some time to calm down, and after you have both had time to think and calm down and get your emotions in check, come back to it and see what happens. Try not to get down on yourself, everyone has problems in relationships and just because you've been having a tough time doesn't mean yourself esteem should be low. Everything will work out, I promise, and I know that might sound like just the typical comment, but it's true.
One word of advice though, from someone who's been there, try not to rush into things with other people. One night stands feel good only momentarily and getting into something with someone you know now will only end up getting you hurt, trust me I tried both of those things because I thought that would help me, it didn't, it will only end up hurting them and you too, and when you and your girl do get back together (assuming you will because from the sounds of it I think you both are thinking clearly now) it may make things awkward even if you don't tell her. My advice is to take this time, have fun, but don't do something you will regret just because you are on the rebound. Keep making good decisions and remember these things take time, patience and acceptance. I hope this helps a bit and that you consider my advice from someone who's been there too. Good luck and I hope you feel better!