[Lollypops]

Not sure if I am posting to the right categorie, since it's my first time.. Here goes,

I met this guy Jason at work. He was going through an expected divorce. We became friends, just hung out went to dinner, movies, etc. I was just a very supportive friend with no romantic feelings involved, plus he was an emotional mess - so I was just a very good friend. We went out to the movies, dinner, etc.. anything to keep his spirits up during his difficult time. We even had a few side jobs doing landscaping together.

Well, during that time we hung out together, we developed strong feelings for one another. Nothing happened though. After one year later, he decided to go on a blind date. I was surprised, even a little jealous. I didn't mention anything to him, just continued to be a very good friend.

One day I asked him how come he never looked at as a potential love interest. He responded with "I don't want to wreck the friendship we already have". I agreed, but was still disappointed.

The more we hung out together as friends the more our feeling became stronger.. BUT he was not ready for anything serious, so I decided that I wanted more of a life then wait around for Jason to be ready. I started a new job and met Ric, we laughed all the time together. He asked me out on a date and I agreed. I never once stopped be friends with Jason. I hung out with him as well, but new that he was not ready to start anything anytime soon.

So, I started dating Ric and had a great time with him.

Once Jason started to realize that I was interested in Ric and had feelings for him, Jason told me that he could not and was not ready to start a relationship with me, but would try for me. I told him that if he was not ready, it would not be fair.

I would want him because he wanted to be there not wanting me because someone else was interested.

Jason told me that if I decided to go with Ric, he could not longer be my friend. I was crushed. After all the time we spent together, supportive I was to him, I felt disappointed, but respected his decision.

Anyway, we went our separate ways, but I never forgot about him. I thought of him now and then and always wonder how he was.
Well. Things developed with Ric to the point we were engaged. Same thing happened with Jason, he met someone else and he was engaged.

Well, both of our relationships failed and our engagements were called off. Jason continued to date the girl he was with, but didn't want to marry her. They were just hanging on to something that was never going to come full circle. Anyway, Jason and I have talked on some occasions (via email or once or twice by phone), but that's it.

Before Memorial Day I got an email from him asking how I was and what plans I had for the weekend.

Unfortunately, I was going through a very difficult time with a sick family and could not be upbeat and told him what was going on. He sent his prayers to me and from that time, he checks in on my periodically (via email).
Well, things are much better on my end (thank goodness). I told Jason last week) that since he works so close to me, we should do lunch. He said that with his work schedule dinner might be better, says perhaps we should consider sometime this month?

I'm so impatient! The month is almost up. He has not mentioned this at all... I can't wait to see him and talk about everything there is.. Who knows, maybe just be friends and hang out all over again. That's what I miss the most. Can someone give me some insight into this? Maybe something I am overlooking that he doesn't have interest in going back to being friends and hanging out..

What are your thoughts?

[jjwoodhull]

Don't wait for him. Take control of the situation yourself. Call or email and ask him to dinner on a specific day. Keep an open mind. But at the least, it would be nice to have your best friend back.

[Lollypops]

I feel like he knows where I am, why can't he take the intitiative?

[jjwoodhull]

You found a boyfriend before he found a girlfriend and he was the one that was too hurt to keep the friendship - this implies that he did have strong feelings for you. Maybe he is hesitant because he doesn't want to get hurt again.

I understand why you want him to take the initiative, but maybe he never will. If you don't make this move you may end up always wondering what could have been.

[Lollypops]

I understand your thoughts, and I do not want to agrue the point, but I also would like him to take the initiative because then I would know that he was interested as well.

By the way, thanks for posting to my question. I appreciate it. :)

[HistorianChick]

You have handled this situation admirably. You were honest and forthright throughout the whole friendship. I can honestly say that I'm impressed with the way you've handled this.

Don't be any different with the new start of communication. You have a wonderful history with this guy... a solid friendship. You went your separate ways because you both couldn't handle a relationship - you wanting him to want you, him wanting you, but not knowing how - don't make a wrong move now.

Be yourself when you're with him. Before all this happened and he "forgot about a lunch date" or something, what did you do? You probably took initiative to remind him, simply because you were friends. And that is what you are.

Don't go into this with an ulterior motive. Be yourself... be the woman that he can't forget - and misses. Be that friend. Maybe this is the start of something more, but don't neglect your history because you are hoping for more.

I'm impressed, girl! You've got a great head on your shoulders. This guy would be lucky to have you! Best of luck! :)

[Lollypops]

Update: My Friend Emailed Me To Go Out. We Went Out And Had A Good Time. It Felt Like Time Never Passed. One Thing, He Never Said That He Wanted To Go Out Again. I Guess, I Was Hoping That He Would Say Something, Maybe Even Send Me An Email To Say He Had A Good Time, But Nothing. I Got My Hopes Up For Nothing...

Any Thoughts?

[Romefalls19]

Give it some time before you start to panic, it wasn't too long ago.

[Lollypops]

It's really hard to figure him out. I'm just being inpatient, I guess. :rolleyes:

[talaniman]

Not only are you impatient, your expecting too much from a friendship. Slow your self down, and have a great time getting to know, and enjoy each others company. If something develops from there fine, but putting the pressure of a relationship on a casual dating thing, is a recipe for disaster, as you have already started to question his interest in you (not good), let your feelings dictate your actions ( not calling for a dinner date among casual friends?? oh please spare me that one), you are trying to move way to fast.

The secret to a good dating experience, enjoy getting to know someone, before you invest your heart. Be patient, and go much slower.

Too much, to fast, crash and burn quickly.

[jjwoodhull]

If he took you out to dinner than you should be the one to contact him and thank him for a good time. If you always wait for him to make the effort, he is going to think that you are not interested in him.

[Lollypops]

This stuff is making me crazy.. I keep getting different opinions so I do not know what to do or what to expect...