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xaiegen · Jul 28, 2008, 09:54 AM

If your boyfriend has asked a coworker to step back and keep it professional and the coworker tries but relapses, what is the next step other than mentioning the boundaries again the second time she messes up and threatening to report/transfer the third time she messes up?

My boyfriend feels that his coworker is starting to get too personal. She provides personal details about her life and her desire to have girl with girl sex adventures (her cause). When talking about her desire, she mentions other bisexual female coworkers he works with who tried to go there with her. Also, she challenges him not to take me for granted, but she also wasn't fully honest if she mentioned what my boyfriend does or say at work, which caused problems between my boyfriend and I for a week. Last night between 9 - 12 am, I got text messages from her that went from a hypothetical situation of if i liked you would you tell your bf and ended up being yes i think you're attractive and don't let it affect our friendship and i will complete my cause with or without you.

Apparently she's not listening to my boyfriend and I feel it's time for me to step in because this has nothing to do with work. A few things she mentioned in her texts bother me. I am "the one for her" because I'm a girl who isn't "wild, doesn't sleep with too many people, doesn't have sores on my mouth like her coworker which turned her off, and because she knows me." Right now, I hate being responsible and a moral safety net with my boyfriend and she's just throwing it back in my face that I'll end up being like her 25 years down the road, unhappy and wanting sex opportunities with someone else other than my future hubby.

I told my boyfriend not to speak to her about it and she sent another text message apologizing for her outburst, but I know it needs to be addressed, I'm not sure how to go about it. Does anyone know confrontation etiquette with a bf's coworker? What form of communication (face to face? Text? Lunch?) heheh lunch! Anyway.. need some help thank you!

jjwoodhull · Jul 28, 2008, 11:28 AM

Why does this woman have you cell #? You should ignore any communications from her. To respond would only encourage her because it sounds like she is desperate for attention.

Your boyfriend needs to tell her again that he is not interested in her personal life and that his personal life is not open for discussion. Then he needs to make it clear that the next time she is inappropriate he will report her to management.

xaiegen · Jul 28, 2008, 11:36 AM

Oh I'm sorry the background on the cell is we became friends.

OK I shall apply your advice!

Rockstar714 · Jul 28, 2008, 11:37 AM

This could be considered sexual harassment because he has told her he's not interested in hearing these things and anytime it makes someone uncomfortable to hear about sexual things (jokes, advances, etc) it is considered sexual harassment, so he should probably go to his supervisor if she doesn't stop.

As far as you and her go, stop answering her texts. Its just encouraging her because as jjwood said, she is desperate for attention.

xaiegen · Jul 28, 2008, 11:40 AM

Thanks rockstar, you gave the same advice my boss did. Ignoring her feels like a jackass move though, but OK.

Rockstar714 · Jul 28, 2008, 01:32 PM

Sometimes you have to ignore things.

I don't know if you've ever watched the show SuperNanny, but even she says to not give into the kids that are crying and throwing fits, just keep putting them in the corner.

I have a friend that is always trying to "prove" that she's better than me. She keeps talking about how fabulous her new apartment will be and all this stuff. Well, I got an apartment before she did and I quit answering her calls because she'd upset me by telling me how much better she is than me. So I started ignoring her calls for weeks at a time. And she quit calling. And she went from my best friend to now she calls about once a month and doesn't even want to come see my new apartment because I'm not giving her the attention that she wants.

talaniman · Jul 28, 2008, 03:53 PM

Ignoring her, is the best way to go, and spamming her emails is a great idea. I'm old school, so spamming texts is beyond me, but still an great idea. (or is it delete? )

Rockstar714 · Jul 28, 2008, 03:56 PM

Lol, I think its delete, Tal. Just a hunch though.

N0help4u · Jul 28, 2008, 04:55 PM

She sounds like she is out of control at keeping her work life professional.
Why doesn't your boyfriend tell the boss and have the boss enforce some rules?

xaiegen · Jul 28, 2008, 05:10 PM

I got another text message sent to me earlier today and she promised to keep her distance. My boyfriend let her know her actions from the week before is harassment, he didn't have to mention yesterday's messages and she got the meaning of it. We're preparing ourselves with understanding how to file a sexual harassment charge for the future if she can't keep her distance. So agreeing to her distance promise, I'm ceasing communication. Thanks for everyone's help and I hope that's all there is to this dramatical event.