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steph86 · Jul 25, 2008, 01:40 PM

I'm 22 and a virgin, have thought about sex since I was 13 or something but not felt ready yet. For some reason I'm really picky and have always found something wrong about the guys that have showed interest in me or asked me out (too needy, insecure, too cocky, bragging too much, not good looking enough, boring, sleazy/only wants one thing, we didn't get along, desperate) or I just didn't feel any attraction. I haven't been in any serious relationships yet either.

I don't want to have sex just to get it done, I want it to be with someone I really like and who feels the same about me. I'm definitely not one of those who's saving themselves for marriage, I just want my first time to be with the right person. But HOW do I know?

A while ago I met someone I like a lot. I really want to sleep with him, and have fantasised about it, but am still not completely sure. How can I know who's the right person and when it's the right time?

ylaira · Jul 25, 2008, 02:31 PM

Without mentioning about love...

If you already spent QUALITY TIME for not less than 9 months...

Someone who respects, wishes best things for you and does not pressure you in any way about sex.

If you you trust the person's background and history.

It is someone that you are proud of to introduce with family and friends.

Most of all, you have to prepare for ever consequences of what you are going to do. You know sometimes best things doesn't happen after first...

Choux · Jul 25, 2008, 02:33 PM

Good for you for waiting until you are in your 20's. Now is the right time, in my opinion, to start your active sexual life.

As for the rest, I have no idea---everyone is different. Remember, it's going to hurt the first time in all likelihood, so it is not going to be special. Take birth control pills, and insist he wears a condom.

I was not much for Romanticism in male and female relationships. If you are, I recommend against it, but I'm in a minority on this, I think.

So, I guess, a good guy that you like and enjoy being with... and relax...

ttara81 · Jul 25, 2008, 04:34 PM

I commend you for saving yourself for so long! When it comes down to that "right" time with that "right" person... trust me, you'll know. Just like you knew all those other guys were not the ones, you'll know when the right one is there!

Synnen · Jul 25, 2008, 08:19 PM

Are you sexual with your boyfriends, just not to the point of intercourse? Or do you hold them to a certain level of intimacy and never go beyond that?

Loui · Jul 25, 2008, 08:24 PM

You will know once you meet the person. If its right, you will know.
~Loui

steph86 · Jul 26, 2008, 04:23 AM

Originally Posted by Synnen

Are you sexual with your boyfriends, just not to the point of intercourse? Or do you hold them to a certain level of intimacy and never go beyond that?

As I wrote, I've never had a boyfriend. And I haven't done anything sexually yet, never gone beyond kissing.

Synnen · Jul 26, 2008, 11:31 AM

Then I have to agree with everyone else... you'll KNOW when you are ready to lose your virginity.

I suggest dating (not sleeping with, just going on dates with!) some of those guys who aren't up to your standards. Getting to know someone better is a good way to see past a bad first impression, or to understand better why a person SEEMS to have negative attributes.

In other words, stop limiting yourself. You could have a lot of fun and really meet some great people by dating.

KaraDanae · Jul 26, 2008, 11:59 AM

Go with you heart! If you feel in your heart that this is the guy you want to lose your virginity to then go for it! We all make mistakes in life and we are all unsure at times so if this guy turns out to be a mistake then all you can do as a women is lift your head high and strong and hope for the next guy you meet to be a gentlemen.

Ash123 · Jul 26, 2008, 02:29 PM

A few basics to consider as you weigh when is the best time:

1. be over 18
2. be with someone you respect as a friend
3. be with someone you can talk to about your feelings
4. use protection and/or be on the pill and both be tested.
5. know this will not change your life, but it may make you feel depressed if you build it up too much and expect too much. So, don't rush it or expect the person whom you share this with to be perfect... whether you are 19 or 29 it's your body. You can do it now or never... don't stresss.

Andrew916 · Jul 29, 2008, 11:25 AM

That's a big question to be asking and it's very hard to answer! Sex will take a relationship to the next level. You should be old enough to understand the physical ramifications of sex as well as the emotional ramifications. Your relationship will be on a whole other plane than what it was so be prepared for a big change. Also makes sure this is the person you can look back on and say "i'm glad it was with this nice person" instead of some a$$. You really have to be prepared. It's less about the partner and more about YOU.

chrissymarie · Jul 29, 2008, 12:45 PM

Well I personally lost my virginity at 17 on prom night with my prom date. I was picky about who I lost it to just like you but then I came to realize it doesn't even matter. After I lost my virginty and reAlized how un big of a deal it is I felt so much more independent and free. There's no guarantee your going to be with that person after or that they'll be the same after. All you can count on is yourself. So to be blunt... when you some guy makes you horny enough and your comfortable go for it!

steph86 · Aug 5, 2008, 02:19 PM

Thanks for your replies. Much appreciated!

Ash123 · Aug 5, 2008, 02:33 PM

Originally Posted by chrissymarie

Well I personally lost my virginity at 17 on prom night with my prom date. I was picky about who i lost it to just like you but then i came to realize it doesn't even matter. After I lost my virginty and reAlized how un big of a deal it is I felt so much more independent and free. There's no guarantee your going to be with that person after or that they'll be the same after. All you can count on is yourself. So to be blunt... when you some guy makes you horny enough and your comfortable go for it!

I agree to a point.

I agree that one moment should not be built up so big that the guy and the act are supposed to be... transcendent. BUT there is an emotional component to intimacy that should not be discounted. And a girl should be at least at an age where she can handle it and the feelings that go with it. And of course he and you need to have protection (birth control. Condoms)... Cause a few minutes of fun should not be outweighed by a major life crisis or life change.

Horny is good. Safe is even better.

excon · Aug 6, 2008, 07:09 AM

Hello again, steph:

See? I told you that you weren't raped.

excon

ScottGem · Aug 6, 2008, 07:18 AM

Originally Posted by steph86

How can I know who's the right person and when it's the right time?

It may be old fashioned and trite, but you know when you both sign the marriage license.

steph86 · Aug 6, 2008, 08:10 AM

Originally Posted by excon

Hello again, steph:

See? I told you that you weren't raped.

excon

Hello excon

You know, this post has nothing to do with my other post. Even if I was raped I still see myself as a virgin because I haven't had sex on my own terms. Does that makes sense?

And if I was raped, I definitely don't want to see that as 'my first time'. That would be horrible.

ScottGem · Aug 6, 2008, 08:15 AM

Originally Posted by steph86

Hello excon

You know, this post has nothing to do with my other post. Even if I was raped I still see myself as a virgin because I haven't had sex on my own terms. Does that makes sense?

And if I was raped, I definitely don't want to see that as 'my first time'. That would be horrible.

Yes it makes sense. I certainly wouldn't want to feel my first time was forced. Unfortunately, you don't have a choice. A virgin is someone who has never had penile penetration into their vagina. It's a cut and dried issue. Had penentration? No longer a virgin. End of story.

ScottGem · Aug 6, 2008, 08:32 AM

Comments on this post

chrissymarie disagrees: I agree with steph 100%. If someone steals your wallet does that mean you gave it away... no. apply that to this.

First, may I call your attention to the guidelines for using the comments feature found here:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/feedba...ure-24951.html

You are entitled to disagree, but using the comments feature in this way is inappropriate. The fact is that virginity is defined as I said it was. This is a biological fact. There is no room for equivocation here. This has been discussed before. Penile penetration of the vagina equals lose of virginity.

No matter how one got penetrated doesn't change that fact. Just because someone steals your wallet doesn't mean you gave it away, but the wallet is STILL gone.

chrissymarie · Aug 6, 2008, 08:53 AM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

Comments on this post

chrissymarie disagrees: I agree with steph 100%. If someone steals your wallet does that mean you gave it away... no. apply that to this.

First, may I call your attention to the guidelines for using the comments feature found here:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/feedba...ure-24951.html

You are entitled to disagree, but using the comments feature in this way is inappropriate. The fact is that virginity is defined as I said it was. This is a biological fact. There is no room for equivocation here. This has been discussed before. Penile penetration of the vagina equals lose of virginity.

No matter how one got penetrated doesn't change that fact. Just because someone steals your wallet doesn't mean you gave it away, but the wallet is STILL gone.

Who cares what guidelines you've created for someone to comment you. I'm entitled to my opnion just like you are yours. I just disagree with that statement.