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ChihuahuaMomma · Jul 24, 2008, 08:19 PM

He thinks that a woman having the same number of partners as a man is more of a whore than he is simply because she is a woman. How do I get him to realize this is unfair, wrong, and sexist?

Fr_Chuck · Jul 24, 2008, 09:00 PM

No sex till he agrees? May not actually believe but bet he swears to it.

But he is the way he is, to be honest doubtful he will change his thinkings by anything you say.

ChihuahuaMomma · Jul 24, 2008, 09:06 PM

I know, I've been trying for two years. It's just the way that he was brought up. Women play a more pivotal equal role in America than they do (from what I hear) in Bosnia, which is where he is from.

JBeaucaire · Jul 25, 2008, 12:41 AM

You DON'T convince him. You calmly, humorously point out the funny inconsistency. That's it. Nothing more. You don't convince him. If he wants to opine about girls as sluts let him, chuckle at it because that's what it deserves.

HIM: "Why are you laughing?"
YOU: "Hehe, attitudes like you're describing deserve a good chuckle, that's why."
HIM: "Well, it's true and you know it!"
YOU: "Hehe, OK, good for you. At least you're solid in your beliefs. OOh, cookies! Want one?"

See, no attempts to convince him he's wrong. But he DOES get to see your response. And anger is frequently a REWARD. Don't give it to him. Chuckle, chuckle away...

JBeaucaire · Jul 25, 2008, 01:25 AM

ChihuahuaMomma agrees: I've done that and to no avail... he's stubborn..

You don't convince him of anything. Ever. You live your life unaffected by the craziness of others.

BTW, I'm not suggesting something you "try and see if it works". I'm suggesting an attitude you adopt forever to shield yourself from the frustrations you're experiencing right now. You aren't your brother's keeper. Let him have his nuttiness.

If the nuttiness is too much to live with, don't. You know that.

ChihuahuaMomma · Jul 25, 2008, 01:29 AM

I understand what you are saying. But what I am saying is that's the way that I am treating the situation, and nothing has changed.

Kevin_s · Jul 25, 2008, 03:28 AM

Kick him in the family jewels every time he brings it up. Eventually he'll associate saying things like that with a gut wrenching pain. =)

lol jk.

Just like others have said, you can't change him, you got to take it all, or leave it all.

ChihuahuaMomma · Jul 25, 2008, 03:29 AM

No thanks.

Kevin_s · Jul 25, 2008, 03:42 AM

He was raised to believe in one way, just like you can't expect a racist to change. You could try to explain to him that here in America, women are equal to men, and that there have been a long history of oppression on Women and that it is not acceptable in this day and age. He needs to hold his tongue, regardless of what he thinks, if he is going to be with you.

You shouldn't have to put up with the way he is acting any longer and he needs to understand this.

Romefalls19 · Jul 25, 2008, 05:37 AM

Did you know that he was this way before you got together?

N0help4u · Jul 25, 2008, 06:32 AM

You simply tell him that you are with him now and that is what counts.
If he pushes it say I gave up the rest for the very best.
If he still tries to bring it up tell him that that seems to be a sore subject matter for him so you would rather not discuss it because you do not want to end up at odds with each other

ChihuahuaMomma · Jul 25, 2008, 11:21 AM

Originally Posted by Kevin_s

He was raised to believe in one way, just like you can't expect a racist to change. You could try to explain to him that here in America, women are equal to men, and that there have been a long history of oppression on Women and that it is not acceptable in this day and age. He needs to hold his tongue, regardless of what he thinks, if he is going to be with you.

You shouldn't have to put up with the way he is acting any longer and he needs to understand this.

He's not one that thinks every woman should be walking around barefoot and pregnant, or that they're not as smart as men. He just thinks that men aren't sluts and women are for sleeping with the same number of people.

JBeaucaire · Jul 25, 2008, 02:35 PM

He just thinks that men aren't sluts and women are for sleeping with the same number of people.

And you're pursuing this topic with him why exactly?

And don't tell me "he talks about it, not you". Poppycock. You're here on the forum gathering feedback so you can continue this discussion with him anew. You feel you can't win it on your own position. So I ask - why?

It takes two to debate something stupid. If one person says something stupid and the other person just laughs... no debate. Or you can talk crazy back.

Him: "Men can sleep with as many women as they want, but if women do it they are sluts."
You: "Strawberry shortcake isn't hairy on Tuesdays."