[janegirl08]

Im a 29 year old divorcée / single mom. I left my husband because I found out he had been cheating on me. That was icing on the cake after he had slowly morphed into a controlling, alcoholic, scary man over the course of a 2 year marriage. Long story short, I got up the nerve to divorce him leaving me with only $200.00 to my name (because I was forbidden to work) and a 5 year old child. I pulled myself together, starting working again, and met a guy I had known from years ago but never dated, and started finding support in him as a friend. He helped me financially and emotionally and of course as much as I never wanted it to happen... I fell in love with him. After all, he was my former husbands complete opposite. He didn't drink, he had a great job, he was amazing with my child, he was sweet to me in every way, he always wanted me around. We moved in together... he would volunteer to babysit while I went out with my new girlfriends from work (something I was never allowed to do before)! It was great!! Then about a year into it which brings me to present... he wanted me to quit my job so we had no child care costs... I did. He doesn't like me going out... I don't. He used to go on and on about how attractive he thought I was... he doesn't. He wanted to spend every waking moment with me... not now. He's suddenly accusing me of being unfaithful when I had gone out in the beginning of our relationship (while he babysat and told me "you need to get out for a while") He is still AllStar Dad to my child, but he's resembling a kinder version of my ex to me. He tells me he thinks I might have fooled around on him earlier in the relationship and he needs the truth. The truth is that I did not. He doesn't believe me and says things won't be the same until he finds out what happened. This argument is getting more frequent as time goes by. He used to bring it up here and there... now its several times daily. I can't take the stress! I'm tired of defending myself. It's become very emotionally draining for me. He treats me like garbage when he starts with this fight... won't even touch me or speak to me. Then time goes by and he's OK and nice to me... then BAM out of nowhere we go at it again. Is now the time to end it? What else can be done? I worry my child will be hurt beyond repair. They have a very deep bond. One she has never had even with her father because he was never there. -At my wits end :confused:

[LostInHisEyez]

I'm sorry you had to go through all this hurt and heartache.
From what I read, it seems like you've done nothing wrong, but attract the wrong men. (sorry if that sounded harsh) he's helped you get back on track, but not he's taking you down all over again, I would suggest finding another job, so if something were to happen, you'd have a litte more than just $200. You told him the truth, but maybe he doesn't want to believe it because maybe he's done something to you in the beginning of the relationship as well? Just get some money saved up, so you could have something to fall on in case

[lmangileri]

Is it possible that he has been unfaithful? They say when someone starts accusing his/her boyfriend/girlfriend of being unfaithful that they are actually the ones being unfaithful. This might not necessarily be the case but there's a lot of truth in that.

[Andrew916]

This is a very common tendency in both men and women (to keep attracting or seeking the same kind of partner over and over.) was your father or mother controlling of you or each other? Did they often get into fights?

[Chery]

Andrew posted logical points and questions here.. so,


I'm not going to get into his (your BF)motives right now. Because what's important is the bond between you and your child, no matter who else enters your lives.

Your child is your main responsibility.. and we all know how relationships that go bad wind up just because we kept them 'because of the kids'.. You will not do your child a favor if you are under so much stress that you cannot concentrate on being a quality mom who's responsibility is to love, nurture and give your child a safe and warm environment to grow in.

So, which do you think is best for your child right now`? If you think that your child will never forgive you for taking someone away at this time in life, you are forgetting that a child feels the stress and will think this is the norm if you don't change it now.

Get harmony and peace of mind for the both of you as soon as possible. Childcare helps a child develop and is beneficial during the time while you work. But the quality time spent with a mom that is happy and not stressed out because of a relationship that no longer works for her is just as important during these impressionable years.

It's your choice dear, and we will be here to help you any time you need to talk and sort things out.

Good luck.


Try getting together with other single parents and share information, goals and progress. You'll see that you are not alone.