Check out some similar questions!

srulik86 · Jul 22, 2008, 08:51 AM

OK so after calling my ex every name under the sun for sleeping with my best mates, strangley we've started becoming friends again. She called me on my birthday and called me ffrom oxygen festival saying she just wanted to talk to me as she kept thinking about me and wanted to see me when she came down to london. I just feel like a mug though for even talking to her after everything that has gone on, more annoyingly is that all my feelings for her have come back and I really want to be with her again. Which is rubbish because I know I just cant! What do I do?

erin7799 · Jul 22, 2008, 09:00 AM

It hurts when someone cheats on you. Ecspecially when it's with your so called friends. If she cared about how you felt at all she never would have done that to you. Shame on you if you fool me once, Shame on me if you fool me twice. People can change. But you have to decide if you can trust her again. And if for some reason you decide to give it a go then you need to make sure that you're going to let the past in the past and truly forgive her and move on. Speaking from experience I had a hard time letting go of the hurt and would constantly throw it in his face about what he had done. All that accomplished was not letting either of us move on from what had happened. But good luck to you!

srulik86 · Jul 22, 2008, 10:38 AM

Well the thing is she njever cheated on me. We had split up and she slept with him a week after we split. And we're not even talking about getting 2gther, we agreed to be just friends, I don't think she cares for me lke that anymore. Which is why I'm stuck! Because I want her in my ife but when she is she upsets me because I want to be with her yet makes me happy in a way like no one else does.

erin7799 · Jul 22, 2008, 11:05 AM

Oh I'm sorry. I thought u meant that she had cheated. Even though it was a week after you split that still had to hurt pretty bad. What about your friend? How is it between you? I told this to someone else... It really stinks when there is someone you think is the "only" one for you and they don't feel the same way. You feel out of control and the hardest thing is to have to deal with the fact that you can't make them want to be with you. But don't wait for her. Continue on with dating and try not to focus so much on what you had with her but what you could potentially have with someone else. Try not to compare whoever it is that you're with to her, either. You'll find yourself just keeping yourself miserable. Once you stop showing her that you think she's the only one and move on, she may look at you and realize that she's made a mistake. Sometimes when you think it's the end... it's actually the beginning.

sam8988378 · Jul 22, 2008, 11:30 AM

The guy I used to go out with is one of my closest friends. He makes me laugh like no one else, is on my side. We went out for 3 years, had a big drama breakup. We took a year off, reconnected, lasted another year. Then the relationship died an indifferent death (he never showed up to take me to a party, but I wasn't there because I had already left to go to the movies with friends). We didn't speak until we ran into each other years later.

The point of this is that while you both may go on to become really good friends, perhaps it's still too early and emotions are raw and close to the surface. Time and distance work great for that. If you have to talk (email is a great medium), at least keep the in-person meetings on hold for awhile.

talaniman · Jul 22, 2008, 01:17 PM

we agreed to be just friends,

If that means your willing to accept the crumbs of her attention, then forget it. That's not friendship. Think hard how bad you want her in your life, period, and what price you pay for it. You can't afford her friendship, nor should you sacrifice your dignity and self respect for it.

I don't think she cares for me lke that anymore. Which is why I'm stuck! Because I want her in my ife but when she is she upsets me because I want to be with her yet makes me happy in a way like no one else does.

You should broaden your circle of friends really fast and put new people in your life. You know you shouldn't look back, but are having a hard time moving forward. Try harder.

cuzindave96 · Jul 22, 2008, 01:57 PM

That's up to you. Your call. There are many more people out there that you will connect with just fine. You just have to put yourself out there to find them. Try It, And If you don't like It then you know It was maybe meant to be...

Chery · Jul 22, 2008, 03:59 PM

She had a thing with your mate AFTER you split up. So where's the problem? Are you so surprised that she connected or that she connected with him? Did you think that she should mourn the split-up longer and not hook up with anyone else again? Lot's of questions, huh?. but I think they are valid.

She's going on with her life and is offering friendship. Maybe you are not ready to accept friendship for what it is.. people who share a history (good or bad) and still like each other as human beings and also want to stay friends because there were other good things they had in common. Just the 'spark' is no longer there, that's all. Friendships can last longer than relationships - we all know that.

But, if you cannot get over the 'mate', then you are not ready for the friendship. Tell her the truth and keep distant contact, or break it off totally. Be honest with yourself and most of all her.

Good luck, and keep us posted.

srulik86 · Jul 23, 2008, 05:11 AM

OK so last night she got it into her head that I was seeing someone else, and stupidly... very stupidly I let he elieve that I was and now she thinks I'm seiengsomene else and she felt hurt that I am moving on. I stupidly said to her that although I'm seeing someone else I still av and always will av feelings for her. What the was I thinking? Anyway this morning I got a text from her saying 'i had a dream about us last nite' and it was a really graphic sexual dream which she told me all about. Saying how hot it was etc. do you think she actually did or she is just trying to make sure my attentions are focused on her! What do I do now? I start rehearsals in 2 weeks for a very big commercial theatre job which I will meet loads of new people and she knws this and I'm very excited about it as it could launch my career so much. I defo don't want to be thinking of her when I'm rehearsing like I have done in the past. I stupidly wrote out a text asking her to give us another try. Which I haven't and don't know if I will send. What does everyone think?

erin7799 · Jul 23, 2008, 05:26 AM

You need to worry about what you have coming up with this theatre job and not worry about her and her life. Worry about you for a little bit. The telling you about a dream she had was definatley to get your attention. That's not a dream that you share with someone unless you want them to have those thoughts about you. Just in my opinion the girl sounds like a drama queen. Move on! Meet new people! The one who really is right for you may just be there!

srulik86 · Jul 23, 2008, 05:47 AM

Thank you erin, your so right. I've decided I'm going to ban myself from Facebook for a couple of days, clear my head from her. Get fit and ready fro this theatre job.

Romefalls19 · Jul 23, 2008, 05:47 AM

This is the problem with being her friend pal, you are going to constantly be wondering if something meant more to her, if she's thinking of you and does she want to try again. You will only give yourself headaches if you try to figure out her actions and words. My advice, take up trying to solve the mystery of Atlantis, you will have far better luck

Chery · Jul 23, 2008, 05:50 AM

The choice is yours to make dear. If you want her back, send the message and hope that she is not going to use you as a filler between other things in her life.

I would think of my career first, get that bagged, and then contact her. She can wait. And, if she is serious about you she will let herself be known. Give her more time to really miss you. Just tell her you are busy settling this career move and need more time to concentrate.

Keep us posted and good luck.

talaniman · Jul 23, 2008, 07:24 AM

OK so last night she got it into her head that I was seeing someone else, and stupidly... very stupidly I let he believe that I was and now she thinks I'm seiengsomene else and she felt hurt that I am moving on.

Seems she thinks its okay for her to do as she wishes but not you. So WHAT?? Stop playing these games and focus on your career, and make her history. NO CONTACT!!

srulik86 · Jul 26, 2008, 04:41 AM

God I feel so head fuct right now! I haven't spoken to her in 2 days then last night she came on Facebook and started talking to me. We had a nice chat and that's it. It horrible because we so belong 2gther, and id love to get back with her but I just can't get over what she did with my mate. And I'm so confused. Part of me wants her out of my life entirly but another part couldn't loose her as she means so much to me. I feel so traped, stuck and mind confused. Please I'm asking for some suggestions on what to do here, other than 'forget her man, go be urself' because I've done that and it doesn't bloody work! When I'm not with her I miss her, when I am with her I miss her! Any ideas on what I should do in this situation. Do I tell her how I'm feeling?

talaniman · Jul 26, 2008, 07:34 AM

please I'm asking for some suggestions on what to do here, other than 'forget her man, go be urself' because I've done that and it doesn't bloody work!

You haven't tried no contact, and over time you feel much better. Get serious with your own healing and stay away from that Facebook stuff.

srulik86 · Jul 26, 2008, 08:18 AM

Id di! I went no contact for 2 months solid! And it didn't work! I missed her more!

talaniman · Jul 26, 2008, 08:26 AM

Originally Posted by srulik86

id di! i went no contact for 2 months solid! and it didnt work! i missed her more!

Stick with it buddy, and find something else to do beside mooning over her, don't you have friends you enjoy, or activities, a job, or school work?

Have you read the stickis for this forum, and taken the suggestions? Your not moving on because you don't want to, so get busy for yourself.

Romefalls19 · Jul 26, 2008, 08:37 AM

I got to spread the rep, but Tal you are right. He started NC for the wrong reasons and now it's time to get down to business. Delete her off your myspace, Facebook, everything! I'm going to recommend this cd "For those who have heart" by A Day To Remember. That cd has gotten me through my ENTIRE break up!

She will probably text you again, my ex did. Just pointless conversation starter attempts which a quote from one of their songs came into my head(and I'll post them for you) and after that I just smiled and shut my phone.

"I will never falter, I'll stand my ground"
"That's the danger in starting a fire, you'll never know how many bridges you'll burn"
"I'm not you f***ing game, I'm not so easily beat"

srulik86 · Jul 27, 2008, 02:19 AM

OK, so I sent her a message saying that I need to keep my distance from her for a while until my feelings truly have gone which will allow us to be friends in the future. But until then I must stay away. She simply replied 'ok'. Think its only fair. Went out after that an had a good time... even managed to pull someone else wooo!