[Chameleon24]

Sorry this is long.

Back in March my ex broke up with me. It had been my first real relationship and I felt crushed when it happened. About two or three weeks later I saw he was in a new relationship. I was really low but went through all the 'first break up' feelings. I came to this site and talked about it w/ others and people here were very nice and informative which helped me through it.

After about a month things were cooling down. After two months I felt even better. I told myself to keep busy this summer. Try new things. So I occupied my time with work and going out and doing fun summer things and looking into new things I'm planning on doing with my life that are coming up, including a career change and moving out my parents house to be on my own.

Things were going good. I was happy. Sure I still thought about him, sometimes even a lot, but there weren't those feelings connected with him anymore. I thought about him with his new girl and I really didn't care at all. Even thought... 'hey, maybe they're better for eachother'. I felt things were going well. Then one day a few weeks ago I got a phone call from his room mate. Things between them have gotten bad. Very bad. Long story I can't get into involving restraining orders and lawsuits. But he wondered if I could sign this paper saying that I was a witness in a fight they had gotten into back when I was w/ my ex. I told him I felt uncomfortable doing that and he seemed to understand and was really nice about it. A couple days later a get a message on the computer from my ex. First contact since the break up. Bascially he was saying that he heard the room mate had talked to me and wanted to know what he said. Went on about how the room mate was telling lies about him and blah blah blah. But in the message he's mixing in all these random "i still care about you", "I still love you as a person", "i thought we'd stay friends" lines. Ended with a "please help me out". I'm sure all that was bs because he probably just wanted the info. I responded, I don't know if it was a good idea. Basically I wanted to keep it as short as possible. I didn't want to come off as a b!tch but I didn't want to seem really concerned either. I told myself that he probably has no intention of being friends and that I shouldn't expect a response. So I just told him that the room mate told me about the bad things going on between them (didn't tell him exactly what tho) and about the signature he wanted and that I didn't want to get involved. Told him sorry I never talked to him but I had the feeling he wanted his space and would never want to hear from me again. He had hurt me pretty bad but I moved on and I'm focusing on other things in life now.

Of course I haven't heard from him since. But I guess that was what I wanted. I think that's why I did respond... I was scared he might contact me again and I just didn't want to be hearing from him. Was that the right move for me to make?

So things went back to normal, but the last week or so I've been feeling so depressed. For some reason I keep thinking about him. Suddenly everywhere I go I keep thinking I see him in the crowd. Either at a restaurant or at the movies or driving in a car. Why do I get paranoid like that? I think about him with his new girlfriend. At first I thought maybe she was just some rebound. But they're still together. Maybe I had just been a rebound from his last break up?
I don't want to be with him. I established that months ago. I knew after me we were going to go our separate ways and he'll find someone he loved more... someone he'll marry... his "one". But I think it bothers me if it's this girl... the one he left me for.

I don't know how to get out of this and why it's hitting me so hard now all of a sudden. I had all these things planned this past week that I still went out and did and had fun... but then this stuff would always come flying back through my head at the end of the day.

I know this is probably a popular question that gets asked on here as far as relationships go. And I know there's probably no real answer for it. I feel like I've done so well and all the feelings have faded but there's still this tiny little fragment that's still hanging on. I find it so weird how you could go from loving someone and trusting someone so much to suddenly wishing that they never existed. Someone you had shared such intimate times with suddenly seemed like a complete stranger.

How do I just let go?

[Ash123]

He made it clear that you are just friends.

So, stay on your recovery course of silence and no contact.

At 4 months out of a relationship many feel vulnerable... you are not alone. Hang in there!

[Homegirl 50]

You will probably go through the same recovery process again. A "not quite healed wound" was re-opened. Hang in there, you'll get through it.

[talaniman]

You aren't the first to feel bad after seeing an ex, and have those old feelings stirred up again, and you won't be the last. You have to regroup, and start all over again, but know that it will pass.

[Romefalls19]

It shall pass, you are strong enough to will through this. It will get a lot better!

[Chameleon24]

Thanks everyone for the comments. I could tell I'm feeling better this week. Watching Sex and the City helps sometimes, lol.

[plonak]

You know what also helps? Watch Felicity.. have you ever seen that show? It will change your life.. it's off the air now, but you can buy all four seasons on DVD.. it makes me want to watch it now!

But I'm sorry that your ex was selfish and didn't care for your feelings.. you kind of have to start over, but it will be easier to get back to your good days

I just broke up with my ex on Saturday.. hasn't been fun. And I know EXACTLY what you mean by saying, one day they are your best most intimate friend, and then the next day you are like strangers... Im having a really hard time with that now..

I almost envy you though, you're leaps and bounds ahead of me in the healing process.. but everyone has to go through it at least once in their life huh? "Better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all" yea it's true, lol

[Chameleon24]

Don't worry Plonak, things do get better. I know you probably wish you could just skip through all that post break up heartache... but I believe the process helps you grow as a person. I learned a lot of things about myself during that time. It's tough, but like you said... everyone has to go through it. It's just a part of life. Keeping busy helps... but don't try to keep all the emotions locked up inside. If you need to cry, just let it all out. Writing things down helps too.

I've never seen Felicity, I should check it out though. There's a lot of shows I've been meaning to start watching since everything is out on dvd now. Now I'm working on Sex and the City, but maybe after that. I'll add it to my list, lol.

[plonak]

Yes!! Definitely do that!!

[Witchywoman1212]

Thanks everyone for the comments. I could tell I'm feeling better this week. Watching Sex and the City helps sometimes, lol.

I love that show, I have most of the seasons its very theraputic except all the sex which seems to not there in my life:)
You'll be fine

[plonak]

Aww watching season 2 now.. it's the best medicine possible :)

[Sammie66]

Your thought process is like mine. My ex left me for someone else and moved in with him after 1 month. I thought at the beginning "she's lost it, he's a rebound for sure" but now I think they'll probably last the distance.

I still miss her but we're not on speaking terms now 2&1/2 months on. Although she is trying to become good friends with my sister in law. It's hell

[f104]

Wow! Thanks for your psot. I thought I was the only one feeling like this. I have not seen my ex for almost 2 months. Had no contact for about weeks. She will be back in town in about another 6 weeks. I am totally dreading seeing her.

I too wish I could just let go of these feelings.

[Sammie66]

I feel a lot better not seeing her although I broke down today and texted her. She never replied. It's really hard for me because she's friends with my sister in law and they see each other regularly. I feel so betrayed.

I guess it just takes time.

[Chameleon24]

I think I'm feeling a little better now. There's a small problem that comes up every now and then: Curiosity. I hate the fact that thanks to the internet everyone has ways to cyberly stalk their ex. Well, I try my best not to. I got rid of myspace after the break up and haven't been back since. I'm proud of myself for that. I only had it for 2 weeks but felt it was pointless to have. I also have Facebook though, which I'm more used to. I have more friends on there... people I want to stay in touch with who I don't see that often. My ex had it too and although I deleted him as a friend I know his page is open to friends and anyone in his network. Since the break up I found myself checking out his page maybe once every couple weeks or so, as much as I hated the fact that I did that. But again... curiosity. The great thing is... he never ever goes on Facebook. It's basically the same since I deleted him as a friend (he's more of a myspace person). But when I go there I always see that he's still in his new relationship. And of course her page is open too. And she tends to change her status a lot and sometimes posts on his wall. It all seems so stupid in my head. I tell myself I don't really care what's going on in his life... yet I find myself still checking it out. It's always the same... sometimes his girlfriend has a new status ("OMG...i totally love my bf"... it's annoying)... why do I bother? I don't want to go there. I don't want to see that. Each time I find myself doing it I say it's the last time. Then one week later I'm back.
So I told myself to stop. I'm hoping if a long enough time goes by then it'll slowly fade away and I won't even think about it anymore. It sounds so ridiculous, but for some reason this bothers me. I know there's bigger things in life I should probably be worried about.
Does anyone else have issues with cyber stalking?

[jpm247]

I refused to be friends on Facebook with my ex, for precisely the same reasons that uve outlined above.

We are on the same network, but I am dead proud to say I have never once looked at her profile. It really isn't worth the pain and just hurts you. If I were you id get out of that network so you cannot see him or his girlfriend posting wall notes that hurt you. It just hinders the moving on process for you, and we all want you to be happy!

[brkfstatiffs]

First off, for myself it helps to know that a lot of women are going through similar situation. I know exactly how you feel because I just went through a similar experience. The weeks go by, the months go by and it gets easier but at the end of the day at night you think about him. How could he do that to you? Intense feelings got cut cold turkey. It sucks. I think the only answer, is to let time make you stronger. It sounds like you are on the right track. Go out and date, take a vacation if you can, just keep focusing on you. One day you will run into him again or he will hear about you and all your great new adventures, etc and he will realize what he lost and hopefully by that point you will be so over it, you won't ever want to talk to him again. Sex and the city is a great show to watch while getting over him, I've been doing that, taking baths with candles and a glass of wine, and ready books like "why men don't commit" "men are from mars, women are from venus."

[brkfstatiffs]

p.s. - yeah try to stay away from Facebook etc. I know I'm guilty of throwing up pics where I look good and am having fun just to hope my ex stops by my page (we aren't even on ea others friends list)... but it can also get messy... like when I found out he added his ex as a friend.

[brkfstatiffs]

p.s.s. if you find yourself checking out his page a lot, I'd say change your network so you can't get into his page or hers. Seriously that stuff is so inmature at the end of the day, yet it can totally torture us! Adults and teens a like.

[Chameleon24]

That's good you've never gone there. It does hurt to see that stuff, as simple as it could be at times, so I don't get why I go there. If I get in that 'curious' mindset I try to occupy my myself with other things. Just shut down the computer and go take a walk or talk to a friend and hope it goes away.
I'm amazed at how good I was with the myspace. He went on that daily and he's got his page open to everyone. It's weird, I've never once felt tempted to go on there since I deleted my account. So I'm not sure what the problem is with Facebook. Maybe because I tend to go on there at least once a day. Or maybe it's because I know there's a 99.9% chance it'll look the same as it did the last time I checked it. Sure, I see all the stuff his girlfriend does, but he never once posted on her wall and maybe changed his status once. But I don't think it makes me mad because of what I see there... I get mad at myself because I actually bothered to look at it.