[DJ 'H']

I am currently working as a wedding co-ordinator & office Manager full time and I love being in the business as its me all over. The problem is my employer is never satisfied and is always blaming me for things that are not even to do with me, there is a guy who was bought in to do our website that now continually walks around as if he owns the place, is always having a go at us about things (when its not his place to) and my employer believes everything he says and does and will back him up to no end.

It is having a great impact on what used to be a great team - it's slowly and surely falling apart and I for one am very stressed out with it. My panic attacks have returned as result (Pleased to say that I am controlling them well) - but I dred going to work everyday and just constantly worry when my employer is around.

I started job hunting and found a job I was interested in and sent my CV off. I got a reply the very next day saying that they wanted to meet me and were very interested and I have taken Friday afternoon off my current to job to go for an informal interview. I cannot help feeling bad though, as no one knows this is happening and once again it's just anothet step out into the world. I guess it's just nerves. Am I doing the right thing? I am just trying to put myself and my health first. But if I get this other job (and I have a feeling from the response I got I am going to get it offered to me) how do I tell my current employer? What do I say? I am scared stiffless. Do I be honest or just bend the truth slightly. I want to part on good terms with him and everyone.

[kp2171]

Be upfront, respectful, and professional.

Thank him for the opportunity and tell him you've accepted a new position.

He'll probably ask why.

Tell him that the work environment has changed since the new hire and you think it isn't as good a fit anymore. Don't attack the boss. Don't even necessarily go off on the worker too much. If the new hire is as disruptive as you say, it'll show in time... hopefully while he still has a business left. But the boss hired this guy and seems to think highly of him. Any big attack on the new hire will likely be seem as a questioning of his judgement. Just reinforce that you do not feel like you fit into the new system well, and it would be better for you and him if you would leave.

Some bosses will be understanding, as mine was. Some I'm sure will be angry and resentful. Don't feel bad or guilty.

[Depressed in MO]

You never know what is going to happen, no matter how you tell your boss. I was recently in the same situation-I had a position that I really liked, but was being WAY underpaid, plus no benefits. My boss had promised me several times that my next "raise" would be enough to afford benefits for my family-YEAH RIGHT. Never happened. But I continued to stay in hopes that something would change. Then she "promoted" me into a position in which I absolutely hated and told her at the beginning I would not like to do. However, she put me in that position anyway and that is when I started posting my resume. When I accepted my new offer, I let my boss know right away the truth and all she could say was that I was unprofessional and that she would never give me a good reference (even though I put my two weeks in and had a performance review on paper-hand written by her-of how great of an asset I was to her company).
Bottom line, I saw her company going down hill and being non existent in five years (didn't tell her that though)so I had to think of myself. Yes, I felt kind of bad, but relieved and excited at the same time that I received the results of a better job in which I put all my efforts into. Don't stay there. This is a big sign for you to go-if you are unhappy-it's only going to get worse. Kind of like relationships...

[ScottGem]

how do I tell my current employer? What do I say? I am scared stiffless. Do I be honest or just bend the truth slightly. I want to part on good terms with him and everyone.

The days of job loyalty both on the part of the employer and employee have long passed. The model of going to work for IBM and having a job for life, are gone. While I abhor the ME generation, one has to at least give primary consideration to one's own needs. And there should be no need to apologize for it.

The fact is, based on your note, that your current employer created this situation, not you. Its not clear whether the impact of the situation has been explained to him, but that's not the main issue.

If you decide to leave, be honest but not brutally. Explain to your boss that, while you had enjoyed working there, the environment has changed recently so you decided to test the waters and found a better opportunity.

[orange]

I agree with what everyone has said. Be honest with your employer, and don't worry or feel guilty. Your health and happiness should be your primary concern. From your post you don't sound very happy at all. You are lucky in that you have been offered another good position; some people can't find alternate work and are stuck in a bad situation too long.

If your employer is disappointed to see you go, maybe he will think twice next time about hiring someone who disrupts the office "flow" or blaming most of the problems on one person, namely you.

[kp2171]

...What do I say? I am scared stiffless...

is that a mix of scared stiff and scared sh*tless? =)

[JoeCanada76]

Hello Holly,

I have skimmed through some of the answers, but here where I am it is common or expected that if you get another job. That you give the job your at now at least two weeks notice. Please do not count your chickens before they hatch. You have not being given this new job yet. Most worker, most employees will not tell their current employement that they are looking else where. I do not care what others say, I think most people would not do that until they know for sure they are a positive and given the green line to a newly offered job. Of course, what might complicate things is that if you are offered the job and are asked to start right away then where does that two weeks notice come in play? Probably does not. I think it is completely up to you whether you feel comfortable enough letting the ones you work with now know that your looking else where. At least, they have the heads up. Personally for myself, I would not. This is just my opinion. Good luck with the new job if you get it. Do not worry about hard feelings, because you need to be happy with what you do and you need to think about what is important for your health and happiness not somebody else's. Right? A job is a job. A job is easier to perform if your happier.

Joe

[DJ 'H']

Hello Holly,

I have skimmed through some of the answers, but here where I am it is common or expected that if you get another job. That you give the job your at now at least two weeks notice. Please do not count your chickens before they hatch. You have not being given this new job yet. Most worker, most employees will not tell their current employement that they are looking else where. I do not care what others say, I think most people would not do that until they know for sure they are a positive and given the green line to a newly offered job. Of course, what might complicate things is that if you are offered the job and are asked to start right away then where does that two weeks notice come in play? Probably does not. I think it is completely up to you whether you feel comfortable enough letting the ones you work with now know that your looking else where. At least, they have the heads up. Personally for myself, I would not. This is just my opinion. Good luck with the new job if you get it. Do not worry about hard feelings, because you need to be happy with what you do and you need to think about what is important for your health and happiness not somebody elses. Right? A job is a job. A job is easier to perform if your happier.

Joe

I have made my feelins clear to colleagues that I am not happy - but they are in the same position as me. I have been holding on and putting up with this for months now and I cannot take much more.

I am going for an informal interview on Friday Afternoon and if they offer the job to me, then I have the option to leave.

This new company are fully aware of the notcie I have to give where I work so that is not a problem.

I would never actually tell anyone I was looking for a new job (which I haven't) and would only leave it I had another job to go to.

[DJ 'H']

The rest of you are right. It does not matter what they say or think - I have to put myself first. Its not like I will have to see my currewnt employer again. I work in a different county to where I live so I have a long commute everyday. This new job is in the same county and my travelling time will be cut in half - so it has lots of positives.

[DJ 'H']

is that a mix of scared stiff and scared sh*tless? =)

Yes kp2171 - that's exactly what it is!

[DJ 'H']

The days of job loyalty both on the part of the employer and employee have long passed. The model of going to work for IBM and having a job for life, are gone. While I abhor the ME generation, one has to at least give primary consideration to one's own needs. And there should be no need to apologize for it.

The fact is, based on your note, that your current employer created this situation, not you. Its not clear whether the impact of the situation has been explained to him, but that's not the main issue.

If you decide to leave, be honest but not brutally. Explain to your boss that, while you had enjoyed working there, the environment has changed recently so you decided to test the waters and found a better opportunity.

You are dead on Scottgem!

[DJ 'H']

I agree with what everyone has said. Be honest with your employer, and don't worry or feel guilty. Your health and happiness should be your primary concern. From your post you don't sound very happy at all. You are lucky in that you have been offered another good position; some people can't find alternate work and are stuck in a bad situation too long.

If your employer is disappointed to see you go, maybe he will think twice next time about hiring someone who disrupts the office "flow" or blaming most of the problems on one person, namely you.

His business is falling apart! The only way he will realsie is when there is no workforce to run his business. He is driving a lot my work colleagues in to a depression and I am not the only one looking at leaving! Its just a metter of seeing how much more each of us can take!

[fredg]

Hi, DJ,
First, don't say anything until you are offered a job by the new employer. If I understand correctly, you are only going for an interview. If the new employer offers you the job, take it if you want it. The employer might wait awhile until he/she interviews others, then let you know later.
If you get the new job, then just write a letter to your current employer, saying something like:
"Please accept this as my resignation, effective xxxxxxxxxx.
I have accepted employment with another company."

That's all you have to say. You don't have to give any reasons. If asked by your boss why, all you say is that you have found a job that will help in your career goals. Keep it on a friendly basis, because you might want to use your current boss as a reference someday.
Best of luck.

[Depressed in MO]

Hello Holly,

I have skimmed through some of the answers, but here where I am it is common or expected that if you get another job. That you give the job your at now at least two weeks notice. Please do not count your chickens before they hatch. You have not being given this new job yet. Most worker, most employees will not tell their current employement that they are looking else where. I do not care what others say, I think most people would not do that until they know for sure they are a positive and given the green line to a newly offered job. Of course, what might complicate things is that if you are offered the job and are asked to start right away then where does that two weeks notice come in play? - Probably does not. I think it is completely up to you whether you feel comfortable enough letting the ones you work with now know that your looking else where. At least, they have the heads up. Personally for myself, I would not. This is just my opinion. Good luck with the new job if you get it. Do not worry about hard feelings, because you need to be happy with what you do and you need to think about what is important for your health and happiness not somebody elses. Right? A job is a job. A job is easier to perform if your happier.

Joe

When I told my boss I was leaving, I could only give her one week notice (which by the way she denied me of). That's when she said I was very unprofessional and that it was common courtesy to tell her that I was looking for another job in the first place. She then proceeded to tell me that because of what I had done, she would never give me a good reference if needed. (Luckily, I had a review one month prior that said nothing but wonderful things about me and my work at her company).Never in a given moment did I want to hit somebody like I wanted to hit her!

[DJ 'H']

When I told my boss I was leaving, I could only give her one week notice (which by the way she denied me of). That's when she said I was very unprofessional and that it was common courtesy to tell her that I was looking for another job in the first place. She then proceeded to tell me that because of what I had done, she would never give me a good reference if needed. (Luckily, I had a review one month prior that said nothing but wonderful things about me and my work at her company).Never in a given moment did I want to hit somebody like I wanted to hit her!

Well I don't know where you are from but in the UK it is against the law to give someone a bad reference. Employers have the right not to give one, but it is written in law that you are not allowed to give someone a bad reference and deprive them the opportunity to obtain another job elsewhere.

She was just crapping herself, becauase she knew what a valuable asset to the company you were and you leaving was going to drop her in it. But hey if she had been a better boss, she would not have lost you in the first place.

[DJ 'H']

Indeed I did Jesushelper. You talk so much sense and helped me out so much over the last few months. I get what you were saying and I know you are right. My happiness is all that matters! I just have to look at it as "it's just a job"

[fredg]

Hi, DJ,
That is so correct, "A job is just a job".
Some really enjoy what they are doing, some don't, because of other people they work with. I do agree with the main concern is your own happiness.
Some also fall into the "belief" that the company will quit operating, if I am not here to do my job. There is always someone who can do the job. I have seen people who really believe that; i.e. if I quit, the company will fail! I have seen them "let go", or quit on their own, with someone else there the next day doing the same job! A good company will always have someone trained to "step in", just in case they lose a good employee.

[DJ 'H']

Hi, DJ,
That is so correct, "A job is just a job".
Some really enjoy what they are doing, some don't, because of other people they work with. I do agree with the main concern is your own happiness.
Some also fall into the "belief" that the company will quit operating, if I am not here to do my job. There is always someone who can do the job. I have seen people who really believe that; ie, if I quit, the company will fail! I have seen them "let go", or quit on their own, with someone else there the next day doing the same job! A good company will always have someone trained to "step in", just in case they lose a good employee.

That's the problem. This is not a very good company and I was asked to work here, I wasn't actually looking for a job. They just recognised me for my character and personality and it was just sheer luck (on their part) that I had all the qualifications that they required and more.

[kp2171]

Hope all works out.

Just bite your tongue a bit if the employer is upset at first. You never know when you might work with them again. I quit one job, only to wind up doing contract work for them later. It was great. I had my "normal", new job in a completely different area, and then when time permitted (weekends, evenings) I worked with the old company in an area I specialized in... my own hours, nobody standing over my shoulder, all happy I would help reduce the workload doing long term projects they couldn't budget time for.

So you never know.

But, as was also mentioned, some managers just don't know how to take such news gracefully or professionally.

[Depressed in MO]

Well I don't know where you are from but in the UK it is against the law to give someone a bad reference. Employers have the right not to give one, but it is written in law that you are not allowed to give someone a bad reference and deprive them the opportunity to obtain another job elsewhere.

She was just crapping herself, becauase she knew what a valuable asset to the company you were and you leaving was going to drop her in it. But hey if she had been a better boss, she would not have lost you in the first place.

You are absolutely right. She even told me I was putting a big "dent" in things-whatever that meant. I made the sales for her company. Me leaving meant that she had to come to work more often, and actually do some work herself.