[mx3r]

First I would like to thank everyone that has spent time to read our situation. This is the most complicated relationship I've ever been in. We have been dating for about 70 days now and within those 70 days I have formed a strong attachment. Is it love? I don't even know. Could just be the endorphin rush I get around her. I have decided to stay single for 2 1/2 years after a terrible breakup. I have grown to enjoy being single and out of all the girls that wanted a relationship with me I picked her. A few hours before she admitted she was raped I was at her house and her "ex" boyfriend and mother saw me laying on her bed talking. The guy took me outside and talked with me and explained that her mom didn't like me laying in her bed, didn't like me in her room, along with me staying too late. So I accepted that and went home. Once I got home I got online and talked to my girlfriend and explained that he was being respectful and just wanted to tell me what her mom said. That's when she admitted she was raped. Some of you may know the story of be rushing to her house where me and the guy almost got physical. I kept calling him a rapist and he questioned that. My girlfriend warned me that he would because she said "he saw it as a relationship because she was 16". He then said "dude do you know how many sex toys she has in her room?". The guy never denied sex, he just looked confused about being called a rapist. As a sexual real sexual abuse survivor I took her being raped pretty hard. I sought full revenge on the guy because I thought it was real. I had my doubts, but I still went with it. We called her dad which is in a different state and told him that she was raped, he then told her uncle which was a cop the next morning. They freaked and came here to help her. They both encouraged me to fight with her and stay by her side. She approached this like a normal rape victim, seeking revenge by getting a protection order, and setting up a court hearing until she spoke to the detective and dropped the charges. I assume that the police or uncle that is a retired police offer does not know that she made this up but I think he has some ideas as he and her own father told me to run as fast I could from her. He went to her court thing and fought against her and claimed she was mentally disturbed. I've looked her in the eyes many times and trying to plead to tell me the truth and she continued to stick to "she was raped". She swore on my life, the bible, her grandparents life and her mothers life. But now she does not remember saying this. She has seen the stress that this has caused me. But lied for 3 months. I have broken up with her about 6 times in 70 days but I always come back a few days later because I felt sorry for her because I thought MAYBE she was raped, and I feel good with her. She looked me in the dead in eyes, I paid attention to her body language and all I can say is she had me fooled GOOD. A+ Liar. She cried and everything. The night she told me she was raped and I brought her to my house I felt bad and admitted that I was sexually abused as a child to comfort her. This is something very few know and I planned to tell my girlfriend this years down the road. For about 3 months I have dwelled on this situation, took notes and analyzed it. I thought to myself that the information she provided does not match a real rape victim. And encouraged her to take this guy back to court to get justice. She said no, that "she isn't ready". All of you must be aware that a day before hear hearing she went to the moms ex boyfriends house to deliver dog food. Does this make sense? I questioned that too. I also questioned the lack of anger that her mom seemed to have after seeing her own daughter having sex/"rape" with this man. The mom knew he was verbally abusive to his daughters, and stole things from them. But she continued letting this guy live there because she said he was apart of the family. People, I'm sorry this is a bit sloppy but this situation overwhelms me. I can't think clearly enough to write this letter in the right order of events. And I left out details of the full story but believe me, the details do not DEFEND her. I hope most of you have an idea of this situation and can understand what I'm in. What I'm dealing with now is - Do I leave for good? What if there is more lies? What if she really is lying to herself? What if she is covering for her mom and the ex boyfriend but she was really raped? Who Knows!! I never will. The main idea that I have is that it is very VERY possible that she had a sexual relationship with him and she is covering it up. There are certain details that she told me that only a person involved would say. Unrelated to this, there has been other things that bug me with her. She was hiding a text from me from a guy that I use to go to school with that is known for destroying relationships. When I asked to see the cell phone she denied and tried to convince me to touch her private area instead. 90% of the times she promises time with me and on those days she usually shows up 3-7 hours after the promise. It leaves me with anger and then I vent and look like the bad guy. I don't know what to do. A guy by the name of Saun that she gave oral to awhile back ago randomly goes over to her house for "no reason". He is my age and I question that and she says she does not know why he comes over. If I do stay gone, how do I put up with the feelings of emptiness of not seeing her? She is really a bright side of my day. I love the way I feel when I'm with her but I don't know how much longer I can do this and feel sorry for her.

[N0help4u]

Sounds like she is crying rape because she wants the attention and sympathy and not giving any though to the consequences. By law if she was a minor (depends what state you live in)
He could go to jail and have this haunt him the rest of his life. But I have a feeling that is not her reasons for not doing anything. There are many girls who will *consent* but then after the fact they call it rape because they do not want to own up to their rule.
Her having *toys* has nothing to do with if she was raped or not but the guy could have possibly taken it that that meant she was easy.
Her mother taking the matter lightly makes me think her mom knows she either has mental problems, is a drama queen, lies, exaggerates or lives in a delusional dreamland.

I think I would proceed with caution and keep it at nothing more than friends until you have her figured out. I know I would never trust somebody that could cry rape and it wasn't true.

[Fr_Chuck]

There is a point where you say, it is not worth it and I deserve more in life.

[mx3r]

Ah.. I don't know what to do anymore. Maybe I do I just don't want to drop her because she has become my close friend.

[Alty]

With friends like her you don't need enemies. What part of your relationship is making you want to hold on? Since you've been with her all she's given you is stress and heartache. She's a very confused girl, and she needs help, but even if/when she does, will you ever trust her again?

Lies are the one thing that cannot be taken back, especially a lie like this. She not only betrayed your trust, but the trust of others, just to destroy one mans life. Is she telling the truth now, will she ever tell the complete truth, will she lie again?

You've only been together 70 days, and it's been a terrifying roller coaster ride the entire time. How much have you really invested in to this relationship, and how much more are you willing to invest?

She's a close friend you say, so keep her as a friend, but a girl friend, I don't know, that's up to you, but me, I don't think I could, there's no trust anymore, can she get that back?

Sorry, you're in a hard place, but only you can decide what to do.

Good luck.

[talaniman]

I don't know what to do anymore.

She is in therapy right now and is trying to be better or at least figure herself out. That's good let her.

As for you, leave her alone until you know what you want to do.

Maybe that way you both can heal.

[liz28]

When something don't make sense or add up, most likely it's a lie. In this case a terrible one that could have had a lot of wrong endings. What would have happen if you did do something physical to this guy and ending up in jail all behind a lie. Then what?

In return, to this lie, you shared your darkest secret and open up to her faster than usual, only to find again her was a lie.

This relationship had a lot of emotions involved on your part but can you picture yourself with her,at least, 3 years from now. Can you be someone that you'll doubt everything that fall from their mouth. Love is not suppose to hurt or be full of lies. How can you trust if its broken and then find yourself finding out more as your trying to overcome one.

I think your girlfriend might be trying to control an situation with sex. If when you inquire about something and instead of her answering, she tries to lead you into having sex. I not sure or even know if its out of line but is it possible she's addicted to sex?

When getting over someone you tend to think of all the good instead of the bad. I don't think being friends with her is an good idea because you need to heal and your mind needs to clear having or being around her will only cloud it. Be strong and if you need to see who she is, write all the good and bad about her on a paper, be honest, and see for yourself.

[statixgurl]

This thread was started by my ex-boyfriend to get help after our situation. I have been reading what everyone has been saying and kept my mouth shut because I just want to focus on getting counseling and righting my wrongs. However, when I saw this post that said I may be addicted to sex, I had to say something. I have told my boyfriend repeated times that I didn't want to have sex that much because I didn't want our entire relationship built on sex. I am in no way addicted to sex at all. The phone situation he is referring to is also messed up. I told him that my phone was dying and to let me grab my phone charger before my phone died then we would look at the text together. That was all that was. As for giving someone oral, that was a loooong time ago, and something I regret doing. We all do things that we regret later in life... some more than others. Anyway, we are not talking right now as we are both going through a healing process, and hopefully, afterwards, we can have something again. I went to my first counseling session yesterday, and I have never felt so good about myself. I told the counselor about my parent's divorce and insecurities and everything... there's still more that I have to tell her. But it was good for someone to just listen and not judge me and realize that I am going through something as well that has lasted for more than eight years. I don't know how long the healing process will last, but I'm willing to get everything right so I can be right for my ex.

[talaniman]

but I'm willing to get everything right so I can be right for my ex.

Do it for you, and no one else.

[tolerance]

When I asked to see the cell phone she denied and tried to convince me to touch her private area instead. 90% of the times she promises time with me and on those days she usually shows up 3-7 hours after the promise. It leaves me with anger and then I vent and look like the bad guy. I don't know what to do. A guy by the name of Saun that she gave oral to awhile back ago randomly goes over to her house for "no reason".

I hope you give yourself time to heal and think twice before going back. If everything the rape seems to be the biggest lie but what about the others. Never be with someone you've to second guess. How you ever spoke to someone about what happen to you in the past?

I think your feelings grew stronger than normal because of this whole rape situation. I also think this relationship blossum too quickly due to your having sex too fast after dating each other. You did not however deserve this. The father even advice you to "run" and get away from her.

In the end, your going do what you want, whether go back or stay. I'll tell you though that this will always hang over you. When trust is broken its hard to regain again. I think your better out without her. Good Luck. I hope your having no contact with her of any kind. I feel so sorry for you but wish you the best. Xoxoxoxoxoxo