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beebeecee · Jul 16, 2008, 01:08 AM

I had this friend when I was 16, we were introduced and hung out a few times and I was more attracted to one of his friends than him but he was such a pathetic but sweet and funny guy that before I really thought about it I wanted to be nice right back and knowing from what the friend who introduced us said I ended up giving him a BJ even though I wasn't sexually attracted to him. Cue 6 months of drinking and partying and we ended up in some weird reality where I had sex with him repeatedly - kinky sex - and for the most part it was fun, his style of doing things doesn't really compliment mine... and then he had to go away. But now he's back, and for the last months he's been emailing me and calling me and saying he "just wants to be my friend" and "he's always there for me and willing to listen" and I actually for a minute took him seriously, almost - and then in as blunt a way as possible I asked him what he meant by "friend" and what he REALLY wanted and left my side open... and turns out what he wants is to buy me things and have sex with me.

And it's been 2 years or more since I've had sex, since a crappy relationship with an even bigger loser who didn't even have sweetness and humor on his side... and I can't help but think, "been there and done that" with this guy. Presents aren't enough to sway me, though enough libations might be... and my question is, how do I tell someone so persistent who could and would happily spread viscious rumors about me if I don't have sex with him - to go away! I'm generally not good at saying no, because people never respect my no!

Credendovidis · Jul 16, 2008, 02:21 AM

Hello BBC :)

I never thought I would say this to anyone, as I am rather open and free on sex myself, but from what you wrote I can only conclude that you have little respect for yourself.
I am not some religious freak who insists that sex is there only for marriage.
But it surely should be related to at least a firm friendship and mutual respect for each other.

If you have a physical need for sex, and a vibrator is not enough for you, well, yes, have sex with this guy.

It is your body, and from me you may do with it whatever you want.
But what will that do between your ears? Yourself respect seems already rather low. You want to make that even lower? What will be next?

Don't end up like so many with "one beer in the pub, and I'll drop my pants". Do not "sell" yourself. Not for money, not for favors, not for presents. Have sex if you need it, and - preferably - if it is a natural activity between you and a lover.
Any other way is actually nothing more than renting out your vagina for gain. You know what I mean with that, I am sure...

Till you have a permanent partner and children, the most important person in your life should be YOU. Once you have these, that may change. But for now put yourself tops on your list of priorities. And take it from there...

AND LEARN TO SAY NO !!!

All the best with you !

:)

smoothy · Jul 16, 2008, 05:07 AM

The quote you really mean is "friends with benifits"

That's slang for sex with no commitments with someone you know...

Keep in mind these days sex carries the risk of AIDS as you can never know what they had done for at least 5 years previously or who those people were with etc... see how that balloons pretty quickly?

Personally I would recommend you save it for a real committed relationship and not be a booty call.

Choux · Jul 16, 2008, 12:13 PM

Bee,

Come on now, bee, you have written the script of your sexual life so far, and you have made a mess of it. You can't feel sorry for yourself for the lousy male relationships you get yourself into!

Time to turn your life around so you can get what you *really want*--love, caring, kindness... not all the heartbreak that goes with the carefree sl*t personna you tried on when you were just a baby of 16!!

Just don't see this guy. :)

Good luck to you in the future. There is love and caring out there for the *right you*. :)

N0help4u · Jul 16, 2008, 12:17 PM

You said you went two years without because you realize where it gets you so why melt for this guy that you obviously know you aren't all that interested in.
You are going to have to say NO and mean it sooner or later so start now!

liz28 · Jul 16, 2008, 12:30 PM

People don't respect your "no" because you don't. No is no and stick by it when you mean it.

Why engaged in sexual acts with someone you don't like. He don't even sound like a friend and you only mean one thing to him. It should have not happen when you was 16 and how old was he by the way?

Never do nothing you don't want and if your force, get the law involved. I'm pretty sure he done told someone about the sexual deeds your did and now your afraid if you see no he will tell. That's going be hard but you have to face the things you did and if possible try to move. Never be pressure by anyone to do something you don't. I have gone out with guys and on the first date they have tried to or ask me for sex, I simply said no and that was the end of that. I have male friends and never had any sought of sexual contact with them so male friends don't equal a blow job.

People will only do what you allow them to do so therefore for you to be a stronger person seek help now while your still young. This can help build your self-esteem, self-worth, and make a sound decision.

bushg · Jul 16, 2008, 12:38 PM

"and my question is, how do I tell someone so persistent who could and would happily spread viscious rumors about me if I don't have sex with him - to go away!? "

How old is this guy?

I would tell him to leave me alone, and if he insisted on bothering me I would contact the police and see if I could get him for harassment... if they can't be of help and he spreads rumors about you just laugh them off or make him look like a fool by saying things like yeah I might still be interested if he weren't so boring in bed, if his weenie wasn't so small, if his willy wouldn't wilt, if he wasn't a one minute man etc... blackmail me into sex I don't think so... like the others said respect yourself and stand up for yourself, take care of you.

Xrayman · Jul 16, 2008, 09:36 PM

Let him start as many rumours as he wants-say no NO and NO until he gets the message. Move on and dump the loser forever.

You deserve a better sexual life with a partner chosen by YOU.

beebeecee · Jul 16, 2008, 09:55 PM

Originally Posted by bushg

"how old is this guy?

I would tell him to leave me alone, and if he insisted on bothering me I would contact the police and see if I could get him for harrassment...if they can't be of help and he spreads rumors about you just laugh them off or make him look like a fool by saying things like yeah I might still be interested if he weren't so boring in bed, if his weenie wasn't so small, if his willy wouldn't wilt, if he wasn't a one minute man etc ....blackmail me into sex I don't think so....like the others said respect yourself and stand up for yourself, take care of you.

I think back then he was 18-19? Now he's 22.

You've all made great points, thank you so much. I don't want to be a slut and I do deserve better, so I emailed him with a very direct "no I'm not interested now or ever." and deleted the account, and I won't be taking his calls. I think my main weakness was forgetting that I've yet to experience what I REALLY want - which is a kind, loving, respectful relationship with someone I'm over-the-moon in love with and it's way more important that I keep working on being the type of person who deserves that. I can't put into words how much I appreciate such straight and honest answers.

bushg · Jul 17, 2008, 07:08 AM

So he could possibly be a sexual predator... depending on the age for consent in your area.

993099142 · Jul 17, 2008, 07:28 AM

You should go to all the girls you know, and tell them that he said he would spread nasty rumours about you if you refused to have sex with him. Tell the whole world that you detest him, loathe him, want nothing to do with him. Maybe get a restraining order against him... This way, everyone knows you would never have sex with him.

beebeecee · Jul 17, 2008, 09:18 AM

Originally Posted by 993099142

You should go to all the girls you know, and tell them that he said he would spread nasty rumours about you if you refused to have sex with him. Tell the whole world that you detest him, loathe him, want nothing to do with him. Maybe get a restraining order against him... This way, everyone knows you would never have sex with him.

That's a good suggestion - I did that last time, after he left for jail and he still spread rumors around not that it affected anyone I cared about at the time. Thankfully my parents never heard of any of them, that's what I'm most concerned about - my parents hearing horrible nasty things especially since there is some small basis in truth - I did have sex with him and I'm a horrible liar. I had a talk with them today about him, they met him once, and I told them that I didn't want to hang out with him because I don't like him or trust him and that he's propositioned me and so they're on red alert for bull...

I never really thought about him as being a predator, I guess in a way it could be considered that but at the time it was pretty common for girls my age to have sex with guys up to 28 years old and date them. Looking back that's stupid, back then I thought it was "interesting"... what sort of man has sex with a minor? I was pretty precoscious though, he was definitely flirting on me but I'm the one who initiated everything so it's really my fault I think.

bushg · Jul 17, 2008, 09:27 AM

It's good that you take on some of the responsibility... but he was older than you and should never been flirting with you and he should have never had sex with you.

Look up the statue of limitations on sex crimes in your area, print them along with the legal age of consent and send it to the jerk. That maybe enough to shut him up... that is if he doesn't like spending time in jail.

I am not telling you to confess to your parents, but if he continues you may have to.

beebeecee · Jul 24, 2008, 11:41 PM

No worries, it's over and done with now! I made myself super clear and I'm really glad I did I've got better things to do than hang out with that stupid guy. Thanks.

hjpan · Jul 25, 2008, 09:02 AM

You're considered trash in his eyes. Grow up, clean up after yourself, and start learning how to say "no, go fuq yourself cause I'm not going to be your fuq toy."

Synnen · Jul 25, 2008, 09:06 AM

If you read the post right above your, hjpan, she already did.

hjpan · Jul 25, 2008, 09:07 AM

Originally Posted by Synnen

If you read the post right above your, hjpan, she already did.

Whoops... I didn't read all the posts =/

My bad

Junaid169 · Jan 29, 2009, 09:12 AM

Well, many things need to look at carefully.
I think you can be happy if he loves you.
I think you were careless to begin thig think in the first place with BJ, now to keep on that path in fear of rumors... please grow up and stand up for yourself.

Just for sex with presents that's not a good idea either that's prostition... and I am sure you are better than that.

Having sex is a need, having it fulfilled is not a bad idea as long as you understand you have to bare the consequences. Yo u are already in fear that he might spread rumors. I think you should stop right here and end this thing. There are so many guys out there... C'on

I liked what Credendovidis (the First response) said

Be careful good luck and have fun.
I hope you get what you want

Synnen · Jan 29, 2009, 10:15 AM

Junaid, please read ALL of the responses before responding.

The OP's situation was already resolved.

Nostradamus_pk · Jan 29, 2009, 12:35 PM

Originally Posted by Synnen

Junaid, please read ALL of the responses before responding.

the OP's situation was already resolved.

OKAY I mean to say I agree... not disagree... My fault AGAIN!