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jeffatl · Mar 31, 2006, 01:10 PM

Ok, I have this friend we will call her "L". I have known her since high school and she is like my best girlfriend, but last night got a bit out of control. She has a boyfriend, and we have never hooked up or anything like that, but her EX boyfriend of 3 YEARS is a PSYCHO!! She still talks to this dude, and what not. Last night me, "L", a lot of her friends, and my buddies went out together. Well, the psycho shows up and things got out of control REAL FAST! HE started yelling at her for hanging out with me (he HATES ME) and at 1st I was like, "its her fault, she does it to herself" and let him yell. Then, he started grabbing her and stuff, and that got me MAD :mad: . We had words and then got into a fight. I went to jail for battery, and he said he is pressing charges on me. I have witnesses that he hit me 1st (Including the bartender), so I'm not worried about that. What should I do about her though? I don't want to stop hanging out with her, but I don't want to deal with this kind of crap. I have a little shiner, but her ex was like "I need an ambulance" I think he was just saying that so he could press charges though. He had a busted lip and bloody nose, but that's it. Should I not hang out with her anymore or what? What is the deal with PSYCHO ex boyfriends! Now I have to go to work, and I JUST got out of jail about 3 hours ago... crap.

phillysteakandcheese · Mar 31, 2006, 01:26 PM

When you accept someone, you accept all of them - good and bad.

If you value and want to keep the friendship with "L", you're going to have to deal with this guy from time to time. It sounds like she still has some kind of relationship going on with this guy, or maybe she just needs to press charges on him and get a restraining order in order for him to "get it".

You'll probably have words and more crap from this guy...
You might have another fight...

I wouldn't turn my back and walk away.

Depressed in MO · Mar 31, 2006, 01:42 PM

If she is your best girl friend, then tell her how you feel. If she is a true friend, she will listen. Some people like drama. She knows he is a psycho, she probably told them where you would all be... as if she was looking for something to happen. She may be a good friend, but watch out for people like that, it's not cool.Obviously.

s_cianci · Mar 31, 2006, 04:24 PM

Unfortunately you're in a bind here. Certainly you don't want to lose your friendship with this girl but no one can certainly blame you for not wanting to deal with her nutcase ex either, especially since you've seen what he's capable of. You may have to give her an ultimatum that you will only be friends with her provided that he stays out of the picture. Just inform her that whenever you are together, if he shows up you'll be leaving. I doubt that she's worth going to jail for. Your post is unclear as to whether she discourages him from coming around her. Has she told him to stay away from her? Has she threatened him or actually slapped him with a restraining order? How did he know that you were all hanging out last night and where? If she doesn't discourage him from staying away from her, that may tell you something about her motives and it isn't good. You suggested yourself that "she does it to herself." She may actually enjoy the attention she gets from this psycho who obviously is a jealous control freak and lays it on real thick. Two guys breaking out in a fight over her may give her the ultimate ego boost. Unfortunately she's not the one who went to jail and is now facing possible criminal charges, you are. You need to give that some serious thought in considering whether your friendship with her is worth it or not. As for your legal dilemma, if this guy does press charges against you your best bet will be to press counter-charges against him. Be sure to get the names and addresses of all potential witnesses, including your lady friend's. It'll be interesting to see how she reacts if she thinks she may have to testify against this guy in court ; that'll tell you a lot about where she's coming from.

fredg · Apr 1, 2006, 06:51 AM

Hi,
Your girlfriend's ex is a Psyco, and she still talks with him; and, he hates you.
You and she needs to do some honest talking with each other.
This is going to happen again, if she keeps him as a friend.
Compromise is the key to a good relationship. Being married now for 29 yrs. Has taught me that. My first marriage ended in Divorce, after 7 yrs.
Ask yourself: Would I ask this girl today, to be my wife??
Would I want her to still see and talk with Psyco?
If you and she have a serious relationship, truly in love, then talk about it. She has to make some compromises, like give up this "friend". If he hates you, you wouldn't want him coming to your home if you two are married.
I do wish you the best, and good luck. Maybe there is something you, too, can give up in return.

Starman · Apr 2, 2006, 01:32 PM

Since you busted him up I'll assume you are male.
Actually, I don't see anything abnormal about his being jealous.
Male female friendships almost always arouse suspicion. I'd say that the whole thing is up to her. She either dumps him or dumps you as a friend. But keeping both on a "leash" is looking for disaster.

suminjavi · Apr 4, 2006, 12:58 AM

Wow first of all I have to tell you what a great guy friend you are. And sticking with her through all that drama. There's not many people that would do that. She should get rid of the pshyco and owe you big time for what you did. If she even thinks of keeping the psyhco in her life, you have gone to jail for nothing.

jc105 · Apr 4, 2006, 10:04 AM

Tell her how you feel about it. Don't end a friendship because of someone's ex. I would be careful what you say and do though. Fighting WILL get you in trouble. I've seen it.

I would not lose a friend because of her past dating mistakes. The other guy may just be accepting the loss and he will get over it.

JC

talaniman · Apr 4, 2006, 12:49 PM

Sorry about the jail thing but there is no excuse for Bozo's actions he has a problem, but if your friend knows how he is and still puts up with him she needs help and as a friend that is exactly what you tell her no holds barred. She may also require a little tough love but you can't keep putting yourself in the middle of her conflict if she doesn't want to change the situation. Hope you go to court and make this guy look like the nut-case he is and get deep in his pocket if you can. Be careful and good luck!:cool: