Check out some similar questions!

loserlegendr · Jul 17, 2008, 06:46 PM

Thank all of you for your great pieces of insight.

hjpan · Jul 18, 2008, 12:46 PM

Don't feel down... I didn't lose my virginity until I was 18.... my ex was 17

dumped me a week prior to finals and tries to be 'friendly' with me

talaniman · Jul 19, 2008, 07:14 PM

Ignore them, and stay on your path, at your own pace, and life will take care of the rest. To those that mock you, and make fun of you, they are the ones that will have the problems, and will be burned out, or lost, and frustrated in 10 years wondering what went wrong.

Be happy with yourself, just because you love yourself enough, to take care of yourself. There is no shame with what your doing, or how your doing it.

narayanancdm · Jul 20, 2008, 12:46 AM

Loser or winner, still you're a runner. You can't stop what you're going to receive, don't be shy to chat with girls, relationship really means sharing of happiness, sorrows, ideas, etc..
Try some meditation to deviate your thoughts, make yourself better to compete the world, you'll auto.. gets what you want.

Sammie66 · Jul 20, 2008, 03:29 AM

I was a virgin until I was 24 then had a one night stand. It made me feel even worse. Then I met a girl who I dated for 7 months and she's just broken my heart and left me for someone else because I was too scared of loving her in the relationship. Now I feel worse.

Get over your fears first and when the opportunity comes, just go for it.

hjpan · Jul 20, 2008, 08:42 AM

There's a 27 year old virgin :D

erin7799 · Jul 20, 2008, 12:37 PM

Worrying about a girlfriend and having sex is obviously very important to you. But what if... just what if you met a girl, had sex one time and got her pregnant? Or what if she was promiscuous and gave you a disease? Then you'd be sitting back thinking about how silly it was that you worried so much about something so insignificant. You'd go from worrying about getting laid to worrying about having to buy diapers, formula, clothes... NEVER SAY NEVER!

Olivia132 · Jul 20, 2008, 10:30 PM

Hey,

From being in a group of 20 girls, I can say that the guys who are your 'friends' won't be the popular ones when it comes to girls later... girls always love the quiet inexperienced one's, so there's hope :) I have met the guys you talk about, and they sound slightly arrogant when it comes to girls and we arnt keen on that!

Hope this helps you out

mogoverthemoon · Jul 21, 2008, 04:43 AM

Ok mate, you are me last year!
I was a virgin until I was 20, I had a one night stand and I don't regret it because I got over the 'virgin thing' but I've never had a girlfriend but I would love too! A lot of people on this forum will say 'wait for until your married' and 'its not all its made out too be', but THEY PROBIBLY Isn't ARE AGE ARE THEY! Yeah sex isn't its all made out to be but I understand the pressure in which we are put under these days.
I know how you feel about the self-esteem stuff as well, I still can't talk too girls and I'm no closer than last year either!
The best thing I can advise you on is this: if your mates make fun of you (like mine did) then ditch them because you WILL be better off, and if you can find an understanding friend who is a girl and ask for a very big favour ;)... it works mate. Hope I could help

mogoverthemoon · Jul 21, 2008, 04:52 AM

Originally Posted by Olivia132

hey,

girls always love the quiet inexperienced one's, so theres hope :) I have met the guys you talk about, and they sound slightly arrogant when it comes to girls and we arnt keen on that!

hope this helps you out

!! I have never met a girl who on a night out goes for the 'quiet inexperienced one's', I know because I am one!
Girls like the very confident, 6-pack body, smooth talking guys not the quiet guy.

This guy is just like I am so I know how he feels, don't lie to us an say that girls'll go for the 'quiet guy'!

Sorry if I sound a little over aggressive but this is an issue that I am very experienced in, it happens to me every fri/ Saturday night.

Synnen · Jul 21, 2008, 05:59 AM

I think she meant that for long term relationships, girls prefer guys who are respectful to guys who are like the OP's friends.

What ALL people like in other people--male or female--is confidence. As long as you like who you are, and are confident in that, then other people will like you.

smoothy · Jul 21, 2008, 06:34 AM

Originally Posted by mogoverthemoon

Ok mate, you are me last year!
i was a virgin until i was 20, i had a one night stand and i dont regret it because i got over the 'virgin thing' but ive never had a gf but i would love too! Alot of people on this forum will say 'wait for untill your married' and 'its not all its made out too be', but THEY PROBIBLY AINT ARE AGE ARE THEY! yeh sex aint its all made out to be but i understand the pressure inwhich we are put under these days.

We may not be your age now but we have been through that very same stage... and beyond so we DO know exactly what we are saying from the beinfit of having been there and been to the stages that follow as well. What some young people may think is something unique to them very rarely ever is. The benefit of experience is to look back and understand most of the advice you ignored when your parents gave it to you was in fact correct.

Some of us ran into trouble at various points of that and a few made it through unscathed. Some of us have been through this BEFORE the threat of AIDS. So I can say the pressure was far greater without the threat of death from AIDS or lifetime issues with Herpes that are a major reason to stay celibate today that we didn't have. And being this is an 18 and older forum there is only a handful of people younger.

mogoverthemoon · Jul 21, 2008, 06:51 AM

Originally Posted by smoothy

We may not be your age now but we have been throught that very same exact stage...and beyond so we DO know exactly what we are saying from the beinfit of having been there and been to the stages that follow as well. What some young people may think is something unique to them very rarely ever is. The benifit of experience is to look back and understand most of the advice you ignored when your parents gave it to you was in fact correct.

Some of us ran into trouble at various points of that and a few made it through unscathed. Some of us have been through this BEFORE the threat of AIDS. So I can say the pressure was far greater without the threat of death from AIDS or lifetime issues with Herpes that are a major reason to stay celibate today that we didn't have. And being this is an 18 and older forum there is only a handful of people younger.

Well I do understand that if you are older then you have been in this younger age group.
But 'back then' did you have sex pushed in your face 24/7? did you have the HUGE pressure of your friends saying that you should have sex? Do you have too suffer with accusasions that your gay if you isn't with a girl or just 'had one'?
I understand that you have been through this stage in your life before, but it IS different and that's down to the change in socierty and the culture.
You must agree that sex is talked about a lot more and pritty much everywhere, well that filtters down into are age group and this is the effect it has, it does make some of use feel slightly inadequate etc or why else would we be online asking for help. I understand that you have been here before, but it doesn't mean it's the same situation.

smoothy · Jul 21, 2008, 06:53 AM

Originally Posted by mogoverthemoon

Well i do understand that if you are older then you have been in this younger age group.
But 'back then' did you have sex pushed in your face 24/7?, did you have the HUGE pressure of your friends saying that you should have sex? do you have too suffer with accusasions that your gay if you aint with a girl or just 'had one'?.
I understand that you have been through this stage in your life before, but it IS different and thats down to the change in socierty and the culture.
You must agree that sex is talked about alot more and pritty much everywhere, well that filtters down into are age group and this is the effect it has, it does make some of use feel slightly inadequate etc or why else would we be online asking for help. I understand that you have been here before, but it does'nt mean its the same situation.

Trust me it was worse during the sexual revolution and the days of free sex before AIDS and Herpes... the negatives then were a baby or something that took penicillian to cure, but it could be cured.

Nothing would kill you or stay with you for life. We didn't vegitate in front of TV in those pre cable TV days. Peer pressure is magnitides worse than TV is to some.

So yeah, nothing is more in your face than that was. Having been there I can say it was.

What you might be confuing is hormones... nearly every guy here has been through that. Combined with the ignorance of youth where you think you have it all figured out. That wasn't meant to be offensive, but every person in their 30's knows exactly what I mean by it.

You still have the teenage thoughts where you know it all and your parents know nothing, but are old enough to be paying your own way, but not to have figured out what really are the facts of life just yet. By your 30's most of this has become clear and you will start seeing the same behaviours in people your age group that think their experience is unique only to them and nobody else knows or has been through it at by then you will be laughing just like your parents were at this stage.

Just one of those stages of maturing.

mogoverthemoon · Jul 21, 2008, 06:56 AM

Originally Posted by smoothy

Trust me it was worse during the sexual revolution and the days of free sex before AIDS and Herpes....the negatives then were a baby or something that took penicillian to cure, but it could be cured.

Nothing would kill you or stay with you for life.

So yeah, nothing is more in your face than that was. Having been there I can say it was.

But would you agree that it is hard to be a teenager and deal with are culture etc now-a-days? Coz that's the point I'm trying to make.

smoothy · Jul 21, 2008, 07:10 AM

Originally Posted by mogoverthemoon

But would you agree that it is hard to be a teenager and deal with are culture etc now-a-days? Coz thats the point im trying to make.

Its no different now than it ever was.

99% of it is all in your head. You want to think you are an adult and know everything but don't have the experience to make those decisions.

In the 70's there was actually higher drug use... and sex didn't kill you. We didn't vegitate in front of a TV or computer ,we hung out together more and did all sorts of things we shouldn't have.

Everyone has gone though the teenage stuff (and this really does extend into the early 20's).

Just like college graduates that think they know everything when they graduate. Reality is they know jack squat and the real education starts when you start to work. All school did was give you the basics. The arrogance of youth then gives way to maturity and wisdom of age when the more you learn the less you come to understand that you actually know... Unlike high school grads and college grads that think they are smarter than everyone else because they just got out of school. They haven't yet learned how little they really know.

With that wisdom also comes a humility and humbleness that they really are but a small cog in the grand machine. Not the center of the universe.

Synnen · Jul 21, 2008, 08:03 AM

I don't think being a teenager or young is any harder or any easier than it has always been, with one exception:

Because of the lack of personal responsibility being pushed in our society, too many teens have an "entitlement" attitude that no one I knew EVER had. The instant gratification of the internet, how quickly movies come out on DVD, how quickly NEW movies are in the theatre, how fast some TV show turn over--there's this lack of patience to get what you want nowadays that, combined with the hormones and the "I know it all and if you're over 30 you don't have a clue" attitude---THAT is what makes being a teenager or young adult hard now. Not that the social aspects of sexuality have changed, but that teenagers and young adults think they need everythign they want RIGHT NOW, and that someone should hand it to them on a silver platter.

So... in relation to the virginity thing: I think the problem is the same as it has always been--that people talk too much about their sex lives with their friends, and that people seem to think that they need to be on par with other people as far as experiences and relationships. Guess what? It has NEVER been true, in any time, that all people mature and explore relationships at the same rate. The ONLY thing that makes it different now is that there is a lot more media out there saying "this is what's normal" or "this is how young adults feel" or whatever---and some young adults are NOT in that curve, or who do NOT feel that way or whatever feel like they are not "good enough" or "normal".

Screw normal. The older you get, the more you realize that there is no such thing as "normal". There's only what's normal for you.

And I stand by my original answer, that confidence is what will attract people to you. Girls are dating the "bad boys" --at that age especially--because they are confident in who they are. Boys are dating the "bad girls" because they're confident. Or at least they all ACT that way.

So... if you want to attract girls/boys/whatever's your thing--here's what you do. You bathe regularly (that means EVERY DAY). You brush your teeth--more than once a day. You wear deoderant. You keep yourself fit--if that means getting off your rump to go to the gym, then get to it. You do things your enjoy--preferably in the company of others. If you like to play video games, then join a video game club at your local university or something. There are clubs for EVERYTHING, even if those clubs are online, you need to interact with other people. You hang around with people who make you feel good. I'm not talking about "yes-men" or anythign like that---I'm talking about NOT hanging around people who put you down. Try new things--join a theatre group (this is GREAT for shy people, btw), or ask people you work with to go to a new restaurant after work some night. Join a bowling league. Anything. Just do SOMETHING, something that gets you out doing something fun with other people. Trust me, confidence will come the more you look good and hang around with people who like you for you.

talaniman · Jul 21, 2008, 08:32 AM

It just makes me mad when other people are shocked that I don't have a girl friend and still a virgin at 19 because I am very honest about myself and don't try to hide it.

I think you will learn you can't let other people in your business, without hearing their opinion on it. The solution is the same for you as it was for me, get a job, and build your future, and you will let the past go. So much for peer pressure.

smoothy · Jul 21, 2008, 09:47 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

I think you will learn you can't let other people in your business, without hearing their opinion on it. The solution is the same for you as it was for me, get a job, and build your future, and you will let the past go. So much for peer pressure.

Exactly... people who bow to peer pressure give up control of their lives to others. And like a bushel of crabs... your "friends" will hold you back.

For those not familiar with what that means is you can fill up a basket with live crabs and not need to cover them because even though they are fully capable of crawling out none will. Because all the other crabs will pull them back in if they try.

jensallen · Jul 21, 2008, 10:09 AM

Don't worry about it. Most of the people you know during school, you will never see again. A lot of them will have sexualy transmitted diseases before they get maries and those diseases may cause birth defects in any children that they have. Some will get AIDs Virus and wish that they would have stayed a virgin for there whole life. These diseases will never go away and will most likely pass on to any one that they are intement with.

A lot of your peeres will also get pregnant and loved ones of there's will have to help them make life lasting discisions on what to do with that child.

At your age you do not need these problems!

Ignore there comments, shrug them off, because when you decide to get married your spauce will be very proude of your commitment to save yourself for only her, who ever she may be.

Don't have premarital sex!

Talk to your gardians if you need the helpful support.

Your gardians are your life compass that keep you on the correct path until you are old enough to make your on sound discisions.

Also trust in the LORD and his word for guidance. A lot of peaple do not relize this, but the bible is a map route for your life to follow. If you do as he say's then you will make the wright decisions.