[statixgurl]

Well, I told my boyfriend a little back ago that I was raped by my mother's boyfriend, but I was never raped in the first place... the guy never even touched me. I felt like he was ruining my life (since it was the first guy my mom started seeing after my mom and dad divorced). So, I wanted him out of my life as well as my family's life for good. So, I told my boyfriend that he raped me thinking that that would scare my mother's boyfriend into leaving and that everything would go back to normal after that, and that the situation would be dropped. Well, it wasn't dropped, and things started getting worse. Now, my boyfriend is all stressed out and doesn't trust me because he thinks that I might have had a possible relationship with this guy (which in my opinion is gross considering he was 38 and I was 16 at the time). But, I'm at a loss at what to do. I mean... I want to tell him that everything's fine... that he is my first, and that I just want a happy normal healthy relationship with him. But, I'm afraid if I do tell him the truth, he will leave me. I don't want that at all. I really love him and didn't want to hurt him. Just the guy my mom was with. I don't know. I need help. =(

[JoeCanada76]

Tell the truth. You need to face the consequences of this huge lie, no matter what his reaction is. Some things are left in the past but you need to correct this major lie that will blow up in your face either way. It is better for you to fess up and tell the truth Now, then later.

[jrsg]

Tell the truth. Face the consequences.

Why did you hate the guy your mother was dating so much? Just felt he was replacing your dad? I'm not going to judge you, I just want to know if there was at least a valid reason behind this lie. Accusing someone of rape is a very serious thing...

[talaniman]

But, I'm afraid if I do tell him the truth, he will leave me. I don't want that at all. I really love him and didn't want to hurt him. Just the guy my mom was with. I don't know. I need help.

You have done the absolute wrong thing, and need to come clean. Your b/f may freak out, but he is already freaked out by your lie, he thinks is the truth.

At least give the guy a chance of judging you with the truth, and not a lie, so fess up!

[Alty]

I'm going to be a bit harsh. I was raped, when I was 18, and sexually molested from the age of 5 by a cousin of mine. You lied about it to get someone out of your life. What if someone had gone further with this lie, what if this guy ended up in jail because of your lie, would you tell the truth then?

There are women that are raped every day, and going to trial for that rape is horrible, you are made to look like the criminal, not the victim, and many times that guy that did rape you only gets a slap on the wrist or a very short jail sentence. It's girls that lie that make it harder on the ones telling the truth. No wonder so many women don't report it when they're raped. I didn't report my rape, too late now, why didn't I? It was his word against mine, and I didn't want to go through a trial where the defense would try to make me look like a liar, even though I was telling the truth.

Okay, that's off my chest. Now to answer your question. You owe him the truth, because sooner or later the truth will come out, and if it's not from your mouth, well then you can wave bye, bye to your boyfriend. Will he be mad, yes, will he be hurt, yes, will he leave, possible, but you owe him the truth.

I truly hope that you never have to go through being raped, if you knew how it felt, you'd never have lied about it.

Good luck.

[ISneezeFunny]

Everyone here is right... but I'll do my best to be unbiased.

Your relationship was based upon a lie. Obviously, as you know, this isn't good. I'm wondering why you just didn't tell you mother about this... and what you thought might happen if you told your boyfriend this? Did you think your boyfriend and this guy would fight? The only way to remedy this situation is to tell the truth. Here's the kicker.

1. He may be completely OK with this. And your relationship will be good.

2. He may not even believe you, and accuse you of actually now being in a relationship with this guy and now accuse you of lying to protect this guy.

3. He may think you've gone off the deep end for lying such a delicate lie and leave.

Obviously there are many different possibilities, but continuing to lie really won't help anything. If anything, as some people have highlighted, it can get worse, as someone could potentially get hurt. Best wishes.

[statixgurl]

Well I told him and he said he forgives me.. but he just wants to be friends... he doesn't seemed shaken up about it just pissed at me that I lied this whole time... but I don't know still... I love him and want to be with him... I've ruined everything by just trying to help my family

[ISneezeFunny]

statixgurl, I commend you for telling the truth. It took guts, and I'm impressed.

I'm not so sure that you were trying to help your family, but really, trying to help yourself. The best way to go about it is to talk to your mother about this new guy and see what would happen, no?

Regardless, best.

[Alty]

well i told him and he said he forgives me..but he just wants to be friends...he doesn't seemed shaken up about it just pissed at me that i lied this whole time....but i don't know still...i love him and want to be with him....i've ruined everything by just trying to help my family

It took guts to tell him, I'm proud of you, you did the right thing.

As for doing it to help your family, no honey, a lie like that would only hurt your family, trust me. Talk to your mom about how you feel, maybe she'll understand.

Good luck.

[thisnthatshoppe]

Come clean. Start by telling your BF that you do not want to have a lie standing between you. Tell him you want a fresh start and want him to trust you, but need to get this off your conscience. Be sure to tell him why you told the lie in the first place. No one is perfect and everyone lies from time to time. If he really loves you, he will allow the two of you to work through this together and will forgive you and give you another chance. If he does not, then you are better off without the relationship. Love endures all things and stands up to every challenge with an open mind and unconditional compassion. Good luck to you.

[Alty]

Come clean. Start by telling your BF that you do not want to have a lie standing between you. Tell him you want a fresh start and want him to trust you, but need to get this off your conscience. Be sure to tell him why you told the lie in the first place. No one is perfect and everyone lies from time to time. If he really loves you, he will allow the two of you to work through this together and will forgive you and give you another chance. If he does not, then you are better off without the relationship. Love endures all things and stands up to each and every challenge with an open mind and unconditional compassion. Good luck to you.

Please read all posts before resonding. The OP has already told her boyfriend, and they remain friends.

[statixgurl]

He doesn't want a fresh start... he says that love does not endure everything because it does not endure lies... nor does love lie... therefore we didn't have love in the first place... but I love him with all my heart... he means the world to me... and I said I'm getting counseling so isn't that a start?.

[ISneezeFunny]

I say telling the truth and getting help is a very good start. Props.

[statixgurl]

You but I still don't have the one thing that I truly cared about... my boyfriend... I feel so horrible and foolish... and he is just brushing everything off... and its ripping me apart even more :(

[mx3r]

I am her boyfriend. I have given her chance after chance to come clean because this whole situation made no sense. She went to court over this but dropped the charges. This situation is very complicated and I don't think trust would ever be possible with her. Thus, a relationship wouldn't. She has seen that I have been stressed from this and have had countless dreams about this, and thoughts going through my head with the guy raping her and her enjoying it. I have told her a few days ago that she needs to get revenge on this guy who raped her but she won't. I think she is protecting this guy, and there was indeed sex involved between the two. She wants me to drop it and think that nothing happened so I won't continue to encourage her to take him to court. Yes, true love will endure a lot only if it's true love. But does true love really lie about something to this extreme and continue to allow me to stress from this for 2-3 months?

See orginal rape post I made when I first found out and came here for advice...

I have been trying my best to help her but she has been changing this story nonstop.

[statixgurl]

I'm telling you the truth now... im doing what's right now... and I'm being punished for it... I love you with all my heart and want to be with you... im undeniably in love with you and it is true love... I will never stop loving you...

[Alty]

Wow, statixgurl, after reading the thread you boyfriend posted, I really can't say that I blame him one bit. This lie went way overboard. Having a relationship is all about trust, and you've lied repeatedly, do you expect him to just forget that and move on?

He's on antidepressants because of your lies, he has done everything he can to help you, and it was all a lie, he has been stressed and anxious about this, and it's all a lie. Love can't heal all wounds, and love is a two way street, he's done, and it's time for you to accept that.

You made a huge mistake, and I am proud that you finally told the truth, but the damage has been done, and it's not fixable.

You said that you're doing what's right and being punished for it, do you realize that you could go to jail for making false charges against this guy, that he could sue you for defamation of character because you lied about him raping you? You're lucky to get off this easy, you really are.

My advice to you, learn from this mistake, move on, and when you find someone else to love, be honest, always, lies will give you nothing but heartache.

[starbuck8]

im telling you the truth now....im doing whats right now...and im being punished for it.....i love you with all my heart and want to be with you....im undeniably in love with you and it is true love....i will never stop loving you...

I remember reading your bf's thread. I remembering feeling really bad for him, and thinking what a horrible position he was in, to have all of this just fall into his lap, and how overwhelming it must have been for him.

I sure hope you learn your lesson from this! I have to say that your (ex) boyfriend, is making the right decision. Until you get some serious counselling, you don't need to be in ANY relationship with a man. Who knows what you might do if you got angry with your boyfriend. Would you want to teach him a lesson too?

You took other peoples lives into your own hands, with revenge in sight! There was a trickle down effect. It doesn't matter that your mothers boyfriend was a drinker or a druggie, that has been mentioned. YOU LIED, for your own gain, and now you have to pay for your lies, that you had to have known would catch up with you. What about the other people you have affected with your selfish lies? Your mother, your father, your sister, your mothers bf's mother, father, and family, other children possibly, the tax payers that had to pay for you wasting the time of the police and the courts. This all trickled down because of your selfish lies.

I hope you are truly sorry for the lives you've affected, and I really hope you are taking true ownership of this mess that has been caused because of your behaviour.

If and when you get some serious help, you should not expect anyone to coddle you or give you total forgiveness for the serious lies you've told.

[statixgurl]

First off, I would like to say that he is not on anti-depressants because of me. He was on them before I ever met him. I know that does not make it in any way right, but I never drove him to the anti-depressants. Second, it wasn't for selfish gain that I did what I did. My mother's boyfriend said horrible things to me as well as my sister and mom. My mom would rather by "happy" in an abusive relationship than have nobody at all because she thinks she is not good enough for anyone since my father divorced her. (note that when we received divorce counseling the people told my sister and I that the divorce was our faults... so we feel like we've ruined our lives because of that) But ,my mother's boyfriend was ruining our lives as well. He said terrible things to my sister such as calling her a ing 240 pound chunky munky b*tch. He said just as horrible things as me too. Not to mention because of his drug and alcohol abuse, he brought terrible people to our household whom treated us horrible as well. He also stole many things from us too like diamond rings and playstations and ipods and personal dvd players none of which we reported. Also, because of the people he brought into our lives, we had our garage broken into by one of his friends, and the guy stole my radio and speakers out of my car. He turned my mom into a person I've never even seen before. All she cared about was this guy that she had pretty much just met. My sister and I threatened to leave if the guy was not gotten out of our house because of the things he was doing to it. She didn't care. He continued to stay there so yes I did what I did, and I know I can get in serious trouble for it. I wasn't thinking of the consequences or myself. I was thinking about saving my mom and my sister from a horrible man that refused to leave. I can't go back and change what I did, but I would like to be forgived. People make mistakes all of the time. Yes, some are not as severe as this, but I had my family's best interest at hand. I know that it takes time for forgivance, but I'm willing to do anything to stay with my current boyfriend. I'm going to get counseling and make things right with everyone whom it has effected. I love my boyfriend very much... with all of my heart. In such a short amount of time, I have fallen head over heels in love with him. He means the world to me, and I know I've hurt him. I know that, but I want to be with him more than anything in the world. :(

[starbuck8]

First and foremost, you do deserve to be forgiven, but not until you do the work to get to the point of being forgiveable. I am glad to hear that you are going to go to counselling. You are being accountable, and that says a lot!

I know you didn't want this man involved with your family, he was clearly a bad influence. But, your mother is grown, and I'm sure she wasn't held at knife point into having this man in her life. It is not up to you to try and fix it. I commend you for trying to help the best way you knew how, but you went about it in a very bad way. If it had gone any further, it could've ruined the rest of your life!

It's up to your Mom to make her own decisions, and you can't change that. It might help if you asked her to come to counseling with you, as well as your sister. Try and set a good example for your little sister, even if your mom won't listen right now.

Good luck!