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f104 · Jul 18, 2008, 06:23 AM

Boy that sounds like fun. Go and enjoy yourself.

1927city · Jul 18, 2008, 06:39 AM

... OH I FORGOT TO ADD - SHE ENDED HER RELATIONSHIP.

Don't know if that makes any difference to be honest?

J

talaniman · Jul 18, 2008, 06:46 AM

Most times the one who has ended the relationship has been thinking about it for a while, and is not in the same shock as the one who was dumped, so she may be a little further along the healing process than you are.

Just don't let your emotions, fears , and insecurities, or BEERS, cloud reality, and stop what promises to be a fun, interesting time.

starlite1 · Jul 18, 2008, 06:49 AM

Hi 1927,

Go out and have a good time with her. Even though she is no longer with her ex doesn't mean she is looking for anything more than a friendship right now. I would just go out have fun, and take it from there.

Keep us posted.

1927city · Jul 19, 2008, 09:43 AM

... well probably am.

Supposed to be going on a leaving do in a few hrs and just had her best mate text me asking who's going. In NC and haven't seen the ex for about 6 weeks - she actually lied to my face about meeting up before she left and then text me saying she didn't want to meet up before she went. She didn't even bother with a goodbye or happy birthday text... nothing and I'm pretty angry about it!

I've been feeling much better as she's left and I haven't seen her - now I may have to deal with her when I'm not really ready too. I assumed that she wasn't going to be at this seen as she'd moved home.

Help what do I do?

talaniman · Jul 19, 2008, 10:00 AM

I am unclear as to the nature of this trip, and why she is involved. Can you clear that up for my old brain??

1927city · Jul 19, 2008, 10:20 AM

... its typical of her.

She has graduated - said her goodbyes (to everyone except me) and left. I have been moving on quite well since.

The leaving do tonight is her housemate from uni who has been shagging my housemate. We organised tonight and are meeting in my local with my mates to give her a send off as she's been on her own for the last 4 weeks.

Just received a text from the other housemate - my ex's best mate - asking who's out. If she's been invited it means that the ex will have and will almost certainly turn up.

It annoys me that she point blank lied to me about meeting up, ran away without saying goodbye (and text me to say she did not want to) but is highly likely to turn up tonight.

Really angry - if she's out - how am I supposed to act?

talaniman · Jul 19, 2008, 10:35 AM

Like she doesn't exist. Polite but unavailable. Have a good time but don't be an azz!

Chery · Jul 19, 2008, 03:48 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Most times the one who has ended the relationship has been thinking about it for a while, and is not in the same shock as the one who was dumped, so she may be a little further along the healing process than you are.

Just don't let your emotions, fears , and insecurities, or BEERS, cloud reality, and stop what promises to be a fun, interesting time.

Talaniman - Well put my dear. Got to spread it again so letting you know that I agree... and instead of beers, CHEERS!

1927city · Oct 30, 2008, 08:35 AM

Hi All

My ex msn'd me on Sunday (after apparently unblocking me), so I sent her the email below yesterday. We were pretty serious and have been split for 6 months. She moved away and is unhappy with work and has recently started contacting me. The split was OK, but then she left (not saying bye and generally avoiding things rather than adderssing them) - we've had next to no contact until the last few weeks. This is the 2nd email I've received.

What do people think?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
MY EMAIL YESTERDAY

Hey Trouble

Missed your msn Sunday... was busy entertaining uni mates. Was going to drop you a mail yesterday but got a bit sidetracked - everything OK?

No hangovers - Boner lasted about 90 minutes before he had to go home and 1 of the girls fell down the stairs in 10 feet tall... a very good night!

Let me know when you're around & I'll tell you the gory details.

J

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
She replied today as follows:

Hello

Everything's very well down in the South East thanks. I'm really not a fan of Maidstone... still waiting for places in London to come around!

Ha ha ha! Can Boner hold any drink? Poor sod! Or were you force feeding him shots again? Oooo I didn't hear about what happened with the stairs! Who fell? Any blood shed? Have no idea when I'll be around next... I appear to be trapped in Maidstone at least until Christmas. I've managed (somehow) to get some annual leave though, which means I finish work on Friday 19th! I have never been so grateful for annual leave!! Work is pretty crap, isn't it? The only joy I get from it at the moment is getting paid. Forgive my moaning... no excuse apart from boredom!

Glad you're OK though. Hope to catch up again soon.

Claire x

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now I know this isn't exactly amazing - but she is not going to say I want you back / I miss you... she didn't last time we broke up (although her mate text me to let me know she did) - she put the brave face on. Still not particularly clear, why she's started to contact me all of a sudden - she certainly won't give much away whatever she's feeling.

However, I was toying with replying as follows (want to keep lines of communication open, but also do not want to let her think I'm happy being mates over something more significant - which I am certain she knows in any case) - what do people think:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

PROPOSED RESPONSE

Hey

Well you know my thoughts on the whole work thing... life's for living, work just helps you do what makes you happy.

Sure I can cure your boredom - bought 2 tickets to next Saturday's Wales v South Africa game for me & my Dad, but he's in hospital having a knee replacement, so he can't go. You up for doing something spontaneous?

December seems a long time to wait to have fun!

J

OR

SHould I just go back to No Contact and hope that this drives her mad?

Dragonfly1234 · Oct 30, 2008, 08:55 AM

No contact. She's sent a message with a closing sentence, use that to your advantage. This way, you don't seem rude if you don't reply, and yes, it will have far better impact that the invite in my opinion.

1927city · Oct 30, 2008, 08:57 AM

Do you think she'll expect a response? Seems that she's unhappy and starting to miss certain aspects of our relationship

Dragonfly1234 · Oct 30, 2008, 09:06 AM

Don't play your cards according to what she's expecting. If you make it too obvious that you're around and available, she'll start questionning what she wants because well, she has the choice.

You were very nice and friendly in responding to her and that shows that you're not indifferent towards her. But now, you want to show her that it's not a matter of snapping her figers and you're hers, no girl wants that. There has to be some element of 'chase'.

Don't get me wrong, I don't mean to play games by any means, but at the same token, don't be too easy, make it a tiny bit challenging for her. And also, if you don't take things slow, I guarantee you that at some point, she'll see how quickly things are moving and she'll panic.

And finally, she closed the conversation in her last message, that's an opportunity for you not to respond without seeming rude. And next time, if you initiate a conversation, it won't seem like you're ALWAYS contacting her.

Romefalls19 · Oct 30, 2008, 10:03 AM

NC... And that's all I'm saying on the matter

TrueFaith · Oct 30, 2008, 10:10 AM

What are you doing

No Contact is the way to go

There is nothing there in those lines.
You will build up false hope and get hurt again

Dragonfly1234 · Oct 30, 2008, 11:13 AM

I'm going on the assumtion that both have moved on a long time ago and want to rekindle the relationship after having grown and learned, not out of desperation and not because they cannot move on. My advice with regards to the messages is based on two friends wanting more out of the platonic relationship. If I'm incorrect and/or if the reasons behind the breakup are such that renewing the relationship would be doomed to fail, then I'm with Rome. No contact. Otherwise, back to the top.

1927city · Oct 30, 2008, 02:11 PM

Hey Dragon

I had gotten over her, but this has messed my head up again. I've just come out of a casual type rebound and this contact is very new between us.

As for her, well I can only speculate - but we never really closed off the relationship - she left without saying goodbye, handing back house keys etc - or even facing her feelings.

All in all it was a very odd breakup - no arguing, but no real facing up to each other and how it would work afterwards (although I did try for my part).

Can't be sure, but I am 99.99% certain she cannot be friends with me whilst spending time around me - so I guess (and it can only be that) that any contact probably means more than it says - although seen as she ended it, she probably needs to do more than hint that things may have changed.

J

talaniman · Oct 30, 2008, 05:59 PM

She dumped you, stick with No Contact, and do not respond to emails.

Your much to prone to let your mind play tricks on you!

I had gotten over her, but this has messed my head up again

No you haven't. Your so glad to hear from her, and take it as a sign to renew things, your elated. Be honest with yourself.

1927city · Oct 31, 2008, 12:30 AM

Lol - OK - I'm happy, but I was getting there!

However, I'm not going to contact her - she has to do the work. If not, I don't want to be hanging around waiting for something that may never happen

talaniman · Oct 31, 2008, 05:30 AM

Be easeir if you didn't have 3 different threads.