[Sammie66]

Damn her, she's got into my head again. I miss her.

[Survivor07]

All it takes is a little bit of contact... and then, boom... you're almost back to square one.

Are you still with your new girl friend? If so, is there something lacking in your new relationship that allows your mind to drift back to the ex? Just a thought.

[Sammie66]

I was doing fine and then she messaged me out of the blue as per my previous posts. I think that was the idea - worm her way back into my thoughts because maybe she's not completely happy.

I am still with my new girlfriend. There are things maybe that my ex was better with but there are some qualities about my new girlfriend that are miles better.

My new girlfriend isn't the "girl of my dreams" but I definitely enjoy her company and like being around her. But sometimes I think I don't see a future.

How are you meant to know!! I don't want to make the same mistake again and mess her around by being unsure. This time I'm doing it the other way round and waiting until I am sure either way.

[Sammie66]

Why is it that it's almost a year now and I still think about my ex and it still bugs me about what she did. Why does it bug me that her boyfriends sister is friends with my sister in law?

It's a bit like I'm still annoyed that there's a link to her.

I also think maybe there is something lacking in the new relationship. I've been having doubts recently. I just don't think my new girlfriend is on the same wavelength as me or really shares the same interests. I'm worried that although we get on well, we aren't really best friends.

[talaniman]

Usually when things are not right with us, we take that attitude into other areas of our life and make them bigger than what they are.

You haven't been with this new girl all that long, and I feel your trying to replace what you had with her. That never works because how can she be expected to just step in and everything is lovely.

I just don't think you have the mindset, to be ready for a relationship yet.

[ajGambino]

I just don't think you have the mindset, to be ready for a relationship yet.

I agree with tal. It sounds like you're not over your ex and the reason? You keep hearing from her. Block her number so she can't contact you.

In the meantime, maybe you should consider being by yourself for now. I understand you're in a relationship, but this sounds like she was a rebound. You cannot be in a relationship and regret the things she isn't, compared to your ex.

You are not over the ex and being in a relationship with this new girl is not healthy.

You are not going to find out if you're truly into her, because the ex still haunts your memories.

You are not going to heal properly if she keeps contacting.

You are not going to heal properly if you grab a rebound relationship.


You should really think about what makes you happy... but before you do, maybe you should think about it alone.

[Sammie66]

I think that's good advice. Today I was walking along the street and my ex was walking straight towards me. I got really upset with myself because lots of feelings came rushing back which has made me realise I'm definitely not over her. It annoys me because I know it's not fair on my current girlfriend and I know deep down that I still miss my ex.

[talaniman]

We are moving close to a year Sam, and honestly I think your not aware that your dealing with your feelings, and not be as impulsive as you were. Thats some progress, but patience is still needed to keep the process going.

Just keep working, and hang tough for yourself.

[Sammie66]

Thanks. I know I'm in a lot better state than I was a year ago. I don't feel as needy or alone as before and I feel like I am in a much better place as far as relationships with friends. I think I've grown up a lot as well, and am not as panicky.

One thing that annoyed me about my ex is that she was really insecure and kept trying to be something she wasn't and when I saw her she looked really well and back to the girl I first fell in love. I think she has probably grown up a lot as well.

My new girlfriend is a bit younger and I don't think she's mature enough to make the kind of important decisions and be at the stage I would like to be at.

[Sammie66]

Hi everyone. Been a while - I'm still seeing the girl I've been with for more than a year so that's good but I'm still really unsure about things. She keeps asking me "will i do this? Will i put this here? will I go do this? will I phone this?" and seems to want me to make all the decisions. I hate that and it drives me nuts sometimes. Add to that, I've meant someone who I quite like and I'm not sure what to do. I know it seems to be working with the girl I'm seeing now because she is into me and I'm not sure if I want to risk losing that for someone else. But then again, I want to be sure I'm with the right person and I'm not sure I am.

Any advice?

[DerelictHerds]

Don't string anyone along. If you're unsure, step back from them.

[Sammie66]

I'm just worried that all my problems are caused by myself. The pattern seems to be that I meet someone then I pick away at little things until I ruin it.

For example I get on brilliantly with my girlfriend but little things have started to bug me and I now question whether it will last. The little things boil down to the fact that I don't trust her to do things properly - making me feel like a control freak because I feel like I have to keep an eye on her.

It wasn't really the same with my ex - the things that bugged me were that she made it awkward when with friends and she seemed to be bottling things up. But the fact is I spot these flaws and it builds and builds. It's like I'm trying to destroy the relationship. I don't know what that means though

[sheenaOcen]

Whatever it was. She is careless to your feelings. She moved in with him,slept with him,normally this would tear a guy apart. And she knows this. But does not care that much, I say move on, coming from someone who has been played and hurt before. Move on, the faster you do the sooner you start to heal. I know how haaaard it is trust me I know. But she has no right to happy birthday you after she ripped your heart to pieces. She chose to be with someone else. She should respect you enough to let you move on too. And the best thing you could do is to move on to a better more successful person.

[Ithappenstoall]

I have not commented in a while but what I will say is this. You have moved on with someone else and yet these things still draw you back to her. WHY .
She has made you miserable and is only still messing with you head. She doesn't care about you anymore but this new GF does.
It is good to see and ask yourself where this is going and if it will work, but do not look to far ahead also, have your milestones set but take the steps one at a time.
I remember when everything first started since it was along the time of my breakup as well (last year) but since then I have not looked back, granted they were the encounters here and there but now that is it. I decided to cut it off and just be with my GF who I know is much more suited for me.

You need to see that what you had with her was not the real thing or it would have worked out, somehow I feel you are still thinking about this and hoping... but for what I don't know.

[Sammie66]

I don't know what it is. I think I don't look up to my girlfriend in the same way. I don't quite trust her either. This is maybe just a reaction from last time though.

I'm trying to stick at it and see how it pans out though! Thanks for your advice, I do appreciate it

[Ithappenstoall]

Sure your past will affect you and you will not be the same after different relationships, and it is good to learn the lessons from them in order not to do the same mistakes, but do not try and compare both relationships as this will lead to nothing...

Best of luck

[Ithappenstoall]

I am guessing that since we haven't heard from you in a while things are good :)

[Ithappenstoall]

Sammie66, what you up to these days? All is well ?