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CFZD · Jul 11, 2008, 10:39 AM

Hello you,

I work in a big company, and I like to keep things to myself ( although I don't have many secrets anyway,lol).

Today, my coworkers asked me to have lunch with them ( all ladies among their 40s). Since I really didn't want to bring my own food back home over the weekends and I am frugal so I hardly go out to eat. Plus I know they will be asking personal questions.

So, I said no to them!

Do you think it's okay to say no to them? I told them, next time I will go, but I don't know if they will take it personal that I am not going.

N0help4u · Jul 11, 2008, 10:43 AM

You told them next time so that should help in them not taking it personal.
If you do not accept next time they could take it personal but they probably already recognize that you keep to yourself more or less and most likely just see it as your personal preference.

CFZD · Jul 11, 2008, 10:49 AM

There is this thing that I am new to the company and I have been hired officially. They have been temp for over a year still not hired. My boss constantly praises me and he even says I am obviously the fastest in the team which makes me worried that the ladies will be jealous of me.

Please let me explain I am not thinking I am better than them, I just don't know what to deal with those and I don't know why they are still temps and I can't control what my boss says about me!

I always ask questions from them so that they will feel better, you know I am still young I do have a lot to learn from them.

N0help4u · Jul 11, 2008, 10:51 AM

Maybe it is better to get a little friendly with them so they don't be jealous and have a misguided impression of you.

CFZD · Jul 11, 2008, 10:53 AM

I am always friendly to them, I greet to them before they greet to me every time I meet them! Every single time, I smile and say nice things!

CFZD · Jul 11, 2008, 10:55 AM

Even if they ask me personal questions I will answer so they will be happy.

N0help4u · Jul 11, 2008, 10:59 AM

When people ask personal questions remember you can always keep the replies brief and simple.
Did you live here all your life? Yes
Do you have a boyfriend? Yes
Did you work for the temporary agency long? About 7 yrs

It is up to you how in depth you want to go with answering questions.

ScottGem · Jul 11, 2008, 11:06 AM

It looks to me like the invitation to lunch was an attempt on their part to include you as a member of the team. I see nothing wrong in saying to them; thanks but I brought lunch today, maybe next time.

N0help4u · Jul 11, 2008, 11:27 AM

Oh and it always helps too to make it not feel like all about you and show an interest back
They ask where did you grow up?
You reply and then say what about you?

smearcase · Jul 11, 2008, 11:51 AM

You had a reason for not going out with them and it's probably a valid reason to you.
I am a male and avoided probably 500 of these invitations (many from the boss) and I don't think it hurt me one iota. There is plenty of time to be sociable during work hours (to a certain extent). I say if you don't want to go next time, don't go, and I don't think you have to give an excuse. No thanks is sufficient.

0rphan · Jul 18, 2008, 10:39 AM

Originally Posted by CFZD

There is this thing that I am new to the company and I have been hired officially. They have been temp for over a year still not hired. My boss constantly praises me and he even says I am obviously the fastest in the team which makes me worried that the ladies will be jealous of me.

Please let me explain I am not thinking I am better than them, I just don't know what to deal with those and I don't know why they are still temps and I can't control what my boss says about me!

I always ask questions from them so that they will feel better, you know I am still young I do have a lot to learn from them.

Hi CFZD,

I know just what you mean it being difficult and all that, it's abit the same where I work. As you say you've been hired and they are temps,this at some point I feel will be a problem, you say he praises you in front of them,also you say that they can teach you a lot.

What might be good, is when your boss praises you the next time in front of them, then reverse the situation by praising all of your colleges in front of him, saying... what enormous help they have all been to you and your not sure what you would have done if they hadn't answerd the many questions that you've asked them all, they've been absolutely brilliant... that way they'll feel good about themselves and you'll be flavour of the month.

This worked for me, so try it the first opportunity you get...