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helpnow · Jul 11, 2008, 08:55 AM

So here is my emotional pardicament... I have fallen for a guy that lives in Montana... the problem is I live in Seattle.

I met him a few months ago in Vegas. I was down there for a bachelorette party and he was there for a bachelor party. Our groups sort of joined forces and partied together... well not really thinking too much into it and enjoying the moment I ended up spending that whole night with him until he literally had to get on the plane to go home. By the way... we did not sleep together... for those wondering.

So I get back home and he calls and we talk for hours. Within a few days he'd called and told me he bought a plane ticket to come see me. We talked on the phone about anything and everything just about every day for a solid month and hours at a time. He flew up to see me and we had an amazing time together. When he got back home we continued talking on the phone but now things had become more real and not so much "living in the moment." So we discussed how we both felt about long distance and came to the conclusion we could just keep talking and see where it goes.

We are both 25... he has a year left of college... and on top of that the long distance there are just so many obstacles. So about a week later I get a phone call saying he thinks it would be too hard to make it work. I have been thinking that it would be hard as well so it isn't like I am surprised. So here is the pardicament... I keep telling myself its for the best and seriously all I can think about is what if we are making a mistake... what if we are missing out on something amazing. I have dated A LOT and have never met a guy that I have felt so connected to. I think of all the qualities I want in a significant other and he IS the list. And I have to assume he felt the same way because in the short time of us knowing each other he told me he'd thought about moving here after he's done with school. He had told his parents about me also. So it seems like if we made such an impact on each other, are we making the right decision by ending it because of distance. I know I'd like to keep in touch and I'd thought about the idea that maybe if we do keep in touch and he is closer to being done with school we'd have a shot down the road. Its just if he is "the one" I don't want to let him slip through my fingers.

nova225 · Jul 11, 2008, 11:45 AM

Originally Posted by helpnow

I have dated A LOT and have never met a guy that I have felt so connected to. I think of all the qualities I want in a significant other and he IS the list.

I think you should tell him how you feel, and make sure you tell him what you told us ^.
The only way you'll ever know if it's going to work out is if you give it a try. Yes LDR can be hard, but after working so hard for something you want you'll realize it was worth every fight, conversation, visit, lonely times, heartaches, and happy times.

It's your decision... GOOD LUCK!!

helpnow · Jul 11, 2008, 02:12 PM

I want to tell him how I feel but I am afraid that he won't reciprocate. Should I wait to tell him though because we had the "final" conversation a few days ago... The only reason I have doubts is because our last conversation ended with me saying I'd like to keep in touch and he said he'd be OK with us talking from time to time. I know how I feel but I have no idea how he feels. He could be like good ridence or he could be missing me like crazy. I almost want to wait and see if he will try and contact me... and if he doesn't then I will have to decide if I want to take that risk and poor my heart out to him. I want to tell him regardless but I feel like timing is everything and I don't know if it's a good idea to do it right now since we just ended it two days ago. Am I thinking too much into it and just tell him now or should I wait?

MOWERMAN2468 · Jul 13, 2008, 05:50 AM

Hmmm, with the price of fuel, I would think you need to find someone closer, or get closer somehow.

JBeaucaire · Jul 13, 2008, 10:36 AM

First, let go of the "the one" idea. There's no such thing. There is a group of guys out there you are attracted to. Within that group is a subset who would make a good match for you, and within that group are the awesome "ones" that you could live a blissful existence with.

So, there are many men that can fit that bill. The attraction and your "list" is just part of it.

A LOT of things other than your list have to come together to make a life-bond possible. You have to be at the same point in life, both available, have the financial wherewithal to pursue it, AND geographical proximity is usually necessary, too.

It sounds like this guy is "close", but you are still complete strangers. It takes months of face-to-face examination to determine if the guy you're seeing is being real because guys can be "the fun dating guy" for upwards of a year sometimes before their real personality can be determined.

The problem isn't the good times, it's finding out how a person is when things are bad. The day to day jealousies, arguments, oversights, rudenesses, inconsiderations... all the things that can only occur when you're dating a real person in real life. A long distance relationship or internet mate frequently is missing ALL of these scenarios so you have no idea what to expect.

If you want to pursue a real examination of whether you and this guy could make a "go", you first need to solve the geography thing. You just do. Life is sacrifice. He's in school, so I doubt he can move. But you can.

And if you opt to do it, DON'T be overly melodramatic about it. He won't owe you ANYTHING once you get there. You're moving to go find out if things "could" work out. He isn't remotely a sure-thing yet and you know that, right?

On the other hand. A year from now he graduates and is guaranteed to move away from school. It would be just as reasonable for him to move close to you at that point. You can continue as polite pen-pal relationship until then, can't you?

If this doesn't work out or you opt not to pursue it, don't get mealancholy about it. OK? He isn't "the one" and you missed him. "The one" is the title you give to the guy who was there for you for 40 years, through all the bad times, and he never stopped sacrificing for you. "The one" is a title a man earns, not something that a newly met attraction already is. Never is it that.

helpnow · Jul 13, 2008, 04:07 PM

Well the only problem with moving for me right now is I have a very well paying government job working in IT. I would consider giving that up and moving later on down the line but not right now having just met him a few short months ago. So that does lead me to agree with you with the alternative of having a "pen palship"... meaning we can keep in touch and if we are both still single in a year and if our feelings have remained we can revisit the possibility. I do miss talking to him like we have been doing because it became a daily comfort of coming home from work and he'd call and we'd spend a few hours just talking... but I think if I can give him a call in a month and just see how he is and keep it as casual as possible that would be best... and hopefully he'll be open to keeping in touch and reciprocate with a phone call every now and then.