[Joana G]

Hi.

I really like this guy and I get his really strong feeling that he likes me too.
We've known each other for 7 years now and every time we hang out there's never any arrgument its just talking and really fun.
He's a lot of fun to be around, polite, friendly, caring...
He's 18 and I'm 14 and I want to know if that would be illegal.
I heard that if a "legal adult"(18 and over) can go out with a minor if their 4 years difference in age at the most. Is this true?

Thanks.

[ScottGem]

There are several threads that have answered your question. You might want to browse those threads for more details. But the bottomline is there are no laws that control dating. It is neither legal nor illegal for a 14 yr old to date an 18 yr old because the laws don't address this.

What the laws DO address is the age of consent for sexual activity. In most areas that age is 16, though it can range from 14-18. There are also conditions about the age gap that can still make it illegal. So, as long as you don't engage in any sexual activity, you haven't broken any laws.

That being said, its rather unusual for an 18 yr old to be romantically attracted to a 14 yr old. The two ages are at very different stages in their personal growth. The 18 yr old is either dealing with college or a career and the 14 yr old is just entering HS.

I would strongly suggest that you not make any moves towards this guy. If he makes a move you can decide how to deal with it then.

[Joana G]

That helped. But you mentioned that there are conditions about the age gap, can you explain to me what they are please.
And maybe it doesn't seem unusual for this to happen but there's always a first time. And nothing sexual would be happening. He has just graduated and I'm going into grade 9.

[ScottGem]

What I mean is that, in some states, its still considered statutory rape even if one party is over the age of consent, but the age gap is over a certain age. For example, if an 18 and 16 yr old had sex that might not be illegal. But if an 18 and 25 yr old had sex, it would be.

This wouldn't be the first time, but it would be rare. I suspect that you have a crush on him and you think its being reciprocated. You are on the young side, though you sound mature for your age, so it may be hard for you to really judge the vibes you are getting from him.

Have you discussed this with your parents? Again, I strongly urge you to read other threads like this and to NOT make the first move.

[Joana G]

OK well, I'm not letting him get anything sexual from me.
I do have a crush on hm and its been about a year.
A lot of people say I am mature for my age, thank you.
I have told my parents, my dad says I shuld wait until I'm 17 to actually date someone but its not up to him to tell what I should do especially if I like someone a lot. And also, dad's have heir protective side on their daughters. My mom is a different story, if he treats me right and stuff like that, she's OK with it.
I would not be making the first move. I'm just looking into this because he was asking me about this yesterday when we were talking.

[N0help4u]

Here is what I found
The Criminal Code does not now criminalize consensual sexual activity with or between persons 14 or over, unless it takes place in a relationship of trust or dependency, in which case sexual activity with persons over 14 but under 18 can constitute an offence, notwithstanding their consent. Even consensual activity with those under 14 but over 12 may not be an offence if the accused is under 16 and less than two years older than the complainant. The exception, of course, is anal intercourse, to which unmarried persons under 18 cannot legally consent, although both the Ontario Court of Appeal(3) and the Quebec Court of Appeal(4) have struck down the relevant section of the Criminal Code.

Canada's Legal Age of Consent to Sexual Activity (PRB99-3E))

[Joana G]

Thanks. So basically, if nothing sexual happens its not illegal right?
And, NOTHING sexual will be happening if we do start dating.

[N0help4u]

Yeah you should be okay as long as you keep it non sexual

[Joana G]

OK thank you everybody for your help.

[ScottGem]

ok well, im not letting him get anything sexual from me.

i have told my parents, my dad says i shuld wait until im 17 to actually date someone but its not up to him to tell what i should do especially if i like someone a lot. and also, dad's have heir protective side on their daughters. my mom is a different story, if he treats me right and stuff like that, shes ok with it.

Ok as long as you keep it non-sexual, though that is often hard to do.

While I think your dad is going overboard by setting 17 as the age to date, you are VERY wrong if you think its not up to him. You are a minor, as such you are under the control of your parents since they have responsibility for you. So its is VERY much within his rights to prevent you from dating him.

But, as I said in the beginning the laws only address sexual activiy, not just dating.

[Joana G]

OK thank you. As I said before, nothing sexual would be happening.

[talaniman]

As a Dad, no way does my 14 year old daughter date an 18 year old fellow, without serious risks to his health. I don't care what the wife says. Or the cops.

[Joana G]

But in your opinion, is it illegal for a 14 yr old and an 18 yr old to date?

[smokedetector]

There's no opinions about legality. There are facts. It's not illegal for anyone to say they are boyfriend and girlfriend. It IS illegal if they have sex, which you have said won't happen. Your answers (which have already all been answered) are:
Yes, legally, you can date him;
No, legally, you cannot have sex with him;
Yes, you HAVE to listen to your dad (he is responsible for you, HE would be the one to get arrested if you didn't go to school, not you)

[ScottGem]

but in your opinion, is it illegal for a 14 yr old and an 18 yr old to date?

Why do you keep asking? As smoke said, this is not a matter of opinion, but fact. I stated the facts in the first response. Everyone else has agreed on those facts.

I'm wondering if you want us to say its illegal so you have an out.

[Joana G]

No I'm OK.
Thanks